Should I be leaving baby upstairs alone yet?

[Alisonjayjay]

I have a 10 week old baby who is exclusively breastfed. At the moment I have a moses basket in the living room and when he falls asleep for the night he sleeps there until I am going to bed and then I take him up with me. I know I am really lucky because my little one seems to fall asleep every night around 8.30pm and sleeps right through till around 4am. We do bathtime around 6.30pm, although not every night. I usually give him a full bath every second night and just top and tail him other nights, then he gets his jammies on by 7pm and I breastfeed him and usually after feeding on both sides he falls asleep around 8.30pm and that's him for the night. I like having him next to me in the moses basket so I can keep an eye on him but I know eventually I'll need to get him upstairs to bed on his own. I have a baby monitor so I know I'd hear him if he woke up but I'm worried about SIDS. I like the fact that I can see he is still breathing when he is sleeping next to me in the living room. It might seem a little over protective but I worry. At what age did you start putting your baby up to bed alone and when did you get into a routine?

I have been putting dd in her Moses basket which is in our room since she came home from the hospital!
She has been in a routine since then too but she did that on her own and I followed.
I use a monitor and our bedroom is in the ground floor but with ds in our last house he was upstairs and i just kept checking on him.
Think dd loves being away from the tv, noisy ds, heat etc and likes the cool quiet of the bedroom.

We started putting DS up in his crib in our room as soon as he came home from hospital too. We got an Angelcare monitor with the movement sensor, because we were also worried about SIDS.

No routine until he was 3 months corrected though. His sleeping patterns were all over the place, and defying any sort of routine, until then. He suddenly clicked into sleeping for longer periods at night at that age.

It's a bit early, yes. If you like having him downstairs with you then keep him downstairs!

Ds out grew his Moses basket at 6wks old so had to sleep in his cot from then on. He was fine. He had a good bedtime routine from early on and was used to sleeping in his room. We have had very little problems with getting him to sleep and I think some of this is down to his routine.

Their little for such a short time just enjoy it. I missed ds being small because he was such a big baby

I've only just started putting dd3 to bed upstairs about 6 months ago and she's 2! We keep a travelcot in the livingroom for them to sleep in when they are little and then take them up with us when we go up. She's still sleeping in our room and we sit with her until she's dropped off too and will be for at least the next year.

They are only small for a short time, enjoy him.

SIDS is awful and I can understand why people worry BUT, if you worried about what COULD happen at every stage, you'll never do anything, allow your child any freedoms / risks etc. I am honestly at keeping them asleep in the travel cot downstairs until they are 2 but whatever works for each person I guess. I took they view that if they DID stop breathing, unless you were checking on them every two mins, you'd likely be too late anyway, so they went upstairs as soon as we knew they'd settled for their long sleep - initially about 9pm, then 7pm By 12 weeks we would do bath, feed, put in cot / moses basket, leave the room. They'd sleep. We didn't even have a monitor with DS as it ws a small house.

Does it matter that they are asleep in the livingroom rather than the bedroom when they are just asleep? They can still have a bedtime routine. My evening is still my own, from 7pm it's milk then sleep. In fact all my friends and family with kids are quite jealous of the fact that my kids are all in bed and settled and we get every evening to ourselves so the way I do things can't be so bad. The younger ones are all in bed at 7pm, the older one at 8 and they sleep like logs so I can't be doing too much wrong having four kids in a good bedtime routine and they are all happy to move into thier own big bed in thier room at the age I move them, it's not the big deal that some people think it is and it doesn't make them less independant. I just don't see the point in having to rush upstairs to settle a baby that can be just as asleep a few feet away and settled again in seconds.

OP- You do what you think is best, if you feel better keeping baby with you thats just fine, you won't damage him in any way. Worrying about SIDS is totally normal, especially in the early months, I'd be concerned about a parent who didn't worry about it at some point. Your baby is EBF too so you would just be up and down all evening at some point when he's having a growth spurt and cluster feeding.

I did this with DS and everyone told me to put him in his cot.
But you know what, I didn't want to. I wanted to have him right there in case I needed to just gaze at his beautiful nose or check that his eyelashes really were as perfect as I thought.
They are babies for such a tiny amount of time; do whatever makes you happy.

If it's working for you having your baby downstairs in the evening, why change it?

With our first DH and I fretted about dS having bedtime routine and being settled upstairs at 7pm from about 6 weeks. Sadly DS wasn't keen and we were up and down stairs all evening settling him.

With second we just kept DD downstairs until we went to bed for about 4 months. At this point she was more alert and was easier to settle in a dim bedroom.

SIDS advice is for them to sleep in the same room you are in til 6 months - partly it's thought that the stimulation from hearing people around them stops them falling so deeply asleep that they stop breathing.

2 to 4 months is peak time for SIDS deaths. However, it is a pretty small risk these days, with only about 300 deaths a year.

trixie it's not about you hearing them, or checking them though. Babies should be in the room with you until 6 months so they hear you - you help them regulate their breathing and the noise of you moving about stops them falling into a very deep sleep. Monitors are great but they don't allow the baby to hear you.

FWIW, DS is 17w, and at bedtime - around 8pm - he goes off to sleep in his pram in the living room and then I take him up to bed with me at 11pm when he wakes for a feed.

Rubirosa the risk is small, and the numbers are reduced, because parents are following the FSIDS advice.

I put DS upstairs from about 7 weeks he got easily over stimulated and over tired and wouldn't settle and sleep down stairs. It was very hard at first and i was worried but we have an angelcare monitor and after a week or 2 i liked having him up there he's 6 months now and goes to sleep on his own in 30 mins (inc jammys and bottle) on his own every night infact he doesn't like to sleep with us and wouldn't go to sleep down here.

Do what is best for you look at the pro's and con's of each way and decide.

This is always a contentious issue & those of us who do leave our babies to sleep on their own tend not to post as we get a flaming . My DS always had his naps and 'bedtime' (ie: from 7pm) in his own room as soon as we got home from hospital - 6 days old. I know this is 'against' the rules but it worked really well for us, DS was/is an incredibly good sleeper and perhaps it was just luck but I felt that it helped to have a 'routine'.

I kept mine downstairs in the evening until i went up to bed until they were 7-9mths ish (varied a bit for each vhild) it was easier so i could settle them quickly if they woke without going upstairs

Mine also still had a bedtime routine snd then came to bed with us. All my elder 4 sleep fine in their own rooms once they reached2-3 yrs isj. Dd is20mths, she is still.in our bed but am sure like her brothers she will go i to her own bed and then her owm room when she is ready.

They are only little once, if it works for you and you are happy dont worry what others think and yes it is current guidlines for them to sleep in same room until 6mths, thats for all sleep, daytime naps and night time.

It's completely up to you at the end of the day.

My DD is 11 weeks and for the past 4 weeks I've been putting her to bed for all sleeps in her Moses basket in our bedroom. For us it's made her naps and get nights better as she has the same place for sleeping every time. Unless we are out of course!

We do bath about 6:45 then into "pj's" and I sit in bedroom to give her last breast feed of the day. Sometimes she falls asleep feeding others she goes down drowsy and sucks her thumb to sleep.

You need to do what you are comfortable with though.

Neither of mine would settle downstairs with the normal noises after about 4 weeks, day or night. Health visitor advised with first to put in cot upstairs with curtains drawn and both slept very well after that. Some babies just can't sleep when stuff is going on around them and need their stimulus removed. Do what is right for your child's sleep.