Narcissistic mother- I'm not 'crazy' after all!

[amybelle1990]

Hello,

I have posted this in the 'mental health' section as well as this one as they both seemed relevant

I have recently discovered this website

daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissism-traits.html

and after years of a v poor relationship with my mother driving me to all the joys of GAD everything now makes sense! I've spent so long torn between feeling like a victim because of all the abuse she put me through and feeling guilty because my mum had mental health problems that I couldn't put my finger on or raise because she was so good at hiding it. Anyway...

Can anybody relate to this/ have experience with NPD?

Hi, I've only just joined mn but I thought I would post because this does strike a chord with me but not because of my own upbringing.

I learned about NPD through my line of work (along with other disorders) and am 100% sure my dp's ex has this. It was a complete lightbulb moment. Her treatment of her dcs is very typical of a narcissistic personality and also her treatment of dp, his family and me. My dsc's, particularly eldest dsd who now lives with us, are at times treated truly awful but very difficult as not "abuse" in the physical sense. It's very hard to explain/proove mental abuse and neglect to social/courts etc and even to the dsc's themselves when their basic needs are being taken care of. Especially with someone so manipulative and who can be a loving mother when she wants to be.

Another good website is lightshouse.org/

Can you explain your acronyms??

NPD = Narcissistic Personality Disorder

And it's actually very rare. Doesn't mean your mom isn't a narcissist. Just means she might not have the actual disorder

Yes sorry NPD= Narcisisstic personality disorder.

There's a big difference between being a narcissistic person and having an actual personality disorder. Someone can be a narcissist but capable of having empathy for others but someone with narcissistic personality disorder thinks the whole universe revolves around them, pretty much borderline psychopath.

Exactly Roadrunner. And NPD get's thrown around a lot.

Come over to the 'Stately Homes' thread, there are lots of us who have benefitted from that site.

Very interesting article/comments section on narc mothers in the Guardian family section. Article is about the creator of the website you linked to. www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/04/daughter-of-narcissistic-mother-no-contact?commentpage=5#start-of-comments

Yeah- I know my mum probs won't get a diagnosis, but she most definitely lacks any kind of empathy. Her new partner broke my sisters arm and she demanded that my sister apologised for reporting it to the police because my mum felt 'embarrassed' by it. It is a very cliche thing, but after years of her being v clearly abusive yet so charming to everyone that i've ever raised concerns to, it's nice to know that there are other people with similar experiences.

In particular the section about gaslighting struck a very close chord with me as my mum would be physically and emotionally abusive and then deny it, even when it was just me and her talking. I genuinely thought I was going insane and making it up myself.

I would be very interested to know if anybody else had had experiences of gaslighting and/or not being believed. Also- the reason I posted in this section in the first place- did anybody find that their abusive parents affected their parenting styles for the better or for the worse?

Sorry- GAD= Generalized Anxiety Disorder.