feel like i am failing

[Cazm2]

Hi all looking for advice and reassurance. First time mum dd is 5 months. Incredably high maintenance and very Active baby. She has been for past week I think teething very dribbly and cgewing everything off ver milk Only drinking 3_4 lonces a time rather than 6-7 and going three hours inbetween feeds instead of 4. She is also very miserable and irratabke one minute Happy next screaming. I was in routine with her bed inbetween 7-8 and she is up inbetween 7-8. I am trying to sort out naps she will go down about 930-10. But lunchtime and afternoon we are struggling with she will go down sometimes but not always inbetween 5-7 in eve are worst times for grumpiness and I just cant cope. She wakes twice at night at moment something esle I dont know what do about. She has her last bottle 5-6 so my dh will feed her at 11 then she goes through to 5-6. I just feel everything gone to pot and

Aw hun dont worry this sounds really normal (at least I hope it is). My dts are exactly the same and I'm putting it all down to teething. They are 6 months. Also i've notice that they can stay awake a bit longer in the day now so instead of naps every 2 hours they nap every 2 1/2 hours and that is working better. But I don't worry about day routines much. I think just enjoy your baby accept this is all normal and instead of putting them down for naps I just leave the house a lot and hope they sleep in the pushchair. The grizzling is hard to cope with but it's not for ever!

Thank you so sorry for the mess on my phone. I just feel like I am not Doing the right thing. Should I carry on waking her to feed her or let her wake up when she wants in night and get routine from there. I just seem to do things backwards bottle bath bed as last bottle 5 then come 7 she is knackered and grouchy. She has never slept through and is on ranitidine and domperidone for silent reflux. People ask why she isnt sleeping through And I feel like Its me. But she Wont sleep through with her last bottle at 5 ish will she. Cant seem to get her last bottle any later x

I wouldn't wake her to feed her overnight. She's old enough that she could manage to sleep through so I would say let her tell you when she's hungry. Fwiw, DS woke up every night til he was 6 months. It's perfectly normal to still have to get up in the night at that age.

You are not a bad mum and you aren't doing anything 'wrong'. Imvafraid I don't quite understand what you're trying to say about her last bottle? Is it that her last bottle is at 5pm and then you put her in bed 2 hours later? Is it possible to just give her a top up after her bath as you're putting her in bed?

If someone asks why she doesn't sleep through, tell them it's because she's a baby. Ffs, everyone is a blinking world authority on YOUR sleeping baby and I can guarantee that very few of them had babies that slept through from 2 weeks old, or whatever they say.

However, you can't really expect him to sleep through if you're waking him up in the night to feed him, right?

Sorry about change of baby's sex mid-post!

Silent reflux is hard to deal with. It's perfectly normal to still be waking in the night at this age and I would say it's to be expected with a reflux baby. She might be waking because, due to the reflux, she is not taking as many calories in the day as she needs. Everyone has their own tolerances and ways of doing things but if I were you I would not worry about the night waking and focus on working with your GP to make sure she is on the right meds and is as comfortable of possible.

Ignore well meaning friends who comment on whether she's sleeping 12 hours or not. They did not raise your baby.

They all sleep through in time and the reflux will slowly improve.

By the way, my reflux DS was still waking twice or 3 times a night at that age. He's now 17 months and is a fantastic sleeper.

My husband told me the other day that a midwife friend of his said that there's no baby sleeps through when they're very young it's that the parents don't wake up. Made me feel slightly better.

Teething is miserable, fact. And that's without the reflux your little one is also having problems with. You're doing your best, but it does sometimes feel like nothing you do is helping & you just want to sit & cry.

There were times when I doubted my son would ever sleep through, but at 2.6 he does it wonderfully now. just a shame I'm having another one next month & have to start all over again

My DS is 10 months & still waking twice a night for feeds. You are not failing. He also had silent reflux, but is over that now. We found placing a warm wheat bag on his tummy helped ease the pain & got him back to sleep. He often only settled in his buggy for us, as the upright position is better for reflux. Probably not things a health professional would recommend, but it worked for us. Hth.

Aw, it's not your fault, you're not failing, you're just sleep-deprived and exhausted from trying to placate a grumpy baby. You can't make a baby sleep - all you can do is give them opportunities to (as a previous poster said, walks with the pushchair/sling are good if your baby doesn't want to nap at home) - and the rest is up to them.

And the night-time sleep - out of all my friends with babies, only two were sleeping an 8-hour chunk or so overnight at 5 months. Again, it's nothing to do with what you are or aren't doing, it's just down the the baby and when they're ready.

Definitely get out of the house, see friends, make sure you relax a bit in the evening while she has her first bit of sleep.

Thank you I feel very down at moment I just hope she gets better by time i go to work in Jan. Dh is fairly good but doesnt do a lot in house. I just dont know what to do for best. She had bottle at 4 this eve then a bit more at 615 so see how Long she goes for. Trouble is keeping her upright at night for 30 mins is a killer. Her reflux is better but worried about weaninf her and changing to follow on milk etc.

Have you tried raising the head of the cot? It worked for my refluxers. When you wean the reflux should improve more as she will be older. Im the same though returning to work in November and hoping they will be better than they are now i.e take good naps like they are supposed to for my mil and dm. But theres no gaurantees (sp?) and Jan is a very long way off yet so much will change before then. Can you speak to DH to get him to help you a bit more? Leave DD with him for you to get a break/few hours out with your mates. I split the last feed of the day as it tends to be about 5ish so I give half the bottle plus a bit of puree as weaning then the rest of bottle at 6.30ish after bath. Sometimes they really want the whole bottle at 5 so then I give just a few oz at bedtime as thats all they want but wont settle without a feed. Could you try this? You're doing great it's all normal behaviour especially with teething those people asking if DD is sleeping through night yet-wtf?!? She's a baby!!!! Obviously she will one day but they are rushing it a bit I think!or the record my mil asked me why my dts weren't sleeping through at 10 weeks! Though I think this is because she was sitting and likes her sleep

We have a rolled up towel under her mattress and raising crib did nothing this does help her. She isnt a big drinker mainly I think due to her reflux

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I really think your DH can help you out and you go off with some friends meal or whatever. I do this sometimes but have to embrace myself as some of my friends with dc's do claim to be perfect! They ask me about nap routines and baby einstein dvd's and I just smile serenely. I'm not saying these things don't work for them but they're not for me. I don't want to get into the argument though. I love to meet up with other like minded mums (the I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-just-wing-it-and-the-crying-is-getting-to-me-as-not-sure-why mums). Those that claim to be perfect very rarely are! There's no such thing as perfection when it comes to babies anyway. They are little people with little personailities and if they are night owls or none day sleepers or grumpy or goofy we can't train them to be otherwise! Give yourself some credit hun you are doing the best you can that's all you can do it sounds like you're doing a good job anyway. You deserve a break as many as possible whilst she's in a whingy stage is my advice.

I really feel for you. Your dd sounds just like my baby was at 5 months. She too had/has reflux and it is a hard road. And she too is really demanding and 'high maintenance', but so socially-able that it's worth it!
I agree with Holly, and other posters, it's not 'normal' for a 5 mths old to sleep through the night anyway. What is 'normal'?? Particularly with a baby with reflux. You are doing fine. With reflux you just have to try everything you can. I found burping mid-feed helped a little and it's definitely worth holding them upright for 20-30 mins after a feed otherwise you end up with a screaming baby 30 mins after you've put them to bed. I know it's a killer but it really does help. Maybe it's a good thing that you give a bottle then bath your dd, that way she's not lying down straight after a feed. I bf so I can't really comment on bottle-feeding, but my friend found a formula which was slightly ?thicker which helped her baby. I've read that bottle-fed babies with reflux may feed less as they associate the feed with pain, so don't worry I'm sure you're not alone with this.
Someone told me once: 'Never wake a sleeping baby' and I believe it - especially at night! A baby will demand a feed when they are hungry. I think about how I would like it if someone woke me for a 'dream feed' - I'd tell them to sod off'! Try using a sling in the day to get her to sleep if you have to. It's lying flat that hurts them, that's why they resist naps/sleep.
Don't worry about weaning at all. Everyone says it helps with reflux and it did seem to help our dd too. She still gets relfux after bf (her 1st birthday is today) but she can manage it and our use of meds is minimal now. We did Baby Led Weaning and it's been a breeze. After living through the early months of reflux you can do anything, you'll be fine!!

Thank you bbq and miswine. Its just as i thought it had got easier it gets harder. She is very sociable switched on baby trying to run before she can walk kind of thing. I am going to leave her see how she does waking on her own just means I go to bed a bit earlier. I just feel Sometimes I have the screamy moany baby! I am sure your right people put up afront!

Its really hard, especially when you haven't got a crystal ball to see how things will progress. If its any help at all, I've got three dc. Dd1 slept through from about eight months - wakes a lot now (at age 6!!). Ds slept dreadfully until he was fourteen months old, now at three you could drive a bus through his room all night and it wouldn't wake him. And dd2, 13 months, slept through from six weeks...until four months! She's just had two nights of full sleep. So, even if your friends' babies sleep very well now, listen to what they say and think-so will mine at some point. And if they're being a bit smug and taking too much credit for sleep, allow yourself to think, amd smile, that perhaps their sleep problems will come later. Only for a moment though