Creating confidence

[herethereeverywhere]

Just something I was thinking about today. Can you create self confidence in young children? And if so how?
I was I not confident as a child and this carried on into young adulthood and I have noticed that my DN is really un-confident as well (she's 5) I don't mean shyness as I think you can be shy but still have inner confidence. I have a young DS and I am wondering if there are things I can do to raise him with the self confidence that I never had or if it's just something that develops over time as you get older ?
Thoughts ?

Thanks

Anyone ?

Yes I think you can. Can you remember how your parents treated you? What happened if you didn't do something well? Do you praise your child?

DH lacks confidence in some areas and can be very self critical. I've noticed his parents, who are lovely, have a tendency to be negative and point out minor transgressions/correct things being said. As a result DH is careful - thinks before he speaks and can be overly critical eg cOrrecting me even though he knows what I mean.

I'm not confident in some areas - again I wasn't really encouraged as a child and remember being embarrassed etc.

So now I try and specifically encourage DS to try something, praise him for his effort (and I'm specific about what I'm praising for). I also don't criticise his speech when he's talking (he's 2.10) as I know what he means to say.

I would say praise as often as you can but make sure it is genuine. Praise the effort they make even if they dont win. Praise acts of kindness and say why it makes you proud. A quiet child can still be a confident one.

I definitely remember being embarrassed a lot and my niece has that same awkwardness and embarrassment as well and I can't really pinpoint where it comes from.

I think you can praise too much.

Mama is right, praise effort and kindess but be cool about about a lot of everything else.

Children grow up to expect that all they do should be respected and praised and that is not the real world.

You can respond quietly with phrases like, 'I like what you've done there', or
'I can see you've spent a long on that', but' OMG! That's AMAZING,' at every single 'masterpiece' and they grow up not only not believing you, but thinking that everyone else should applaud their work.

Just a thought !

I meant to say, trust is a big part of building confidence. Expect your child to be able to do something, but if they founder, support and help, even it is to go and ask about sharing a toy (big, big thing to do for a small tot). Always keep an eye out and always lots of love when distressed.
I've seen too many people think that 'building confidence in a child' means not responding to their 'hurt knees' cut hands, little accidents etc.. A lot of attention in the first few moments of distress often deflects minutes/hours of upset afterwards.

It all sounds so simple, doesn't it? You never stop thinking about your children and mine are 15 (with Aspergers) 13 and 10.

We all do our best but I thought your question was very interesting. Good luck.

Thanks Dystopian. I think with seeing my niece so unsure of herself (rather than just shy or quiet) has made me think about it. I suppose in some ways it can relate to a nature v nurture question? Are some people naturally confident no matter what or is it all in the way you are raised ?

Give him confidence to face the unfamiliar. Take him to new places as much as you can, encourage him to try new experiences, to persist with things he finds difficult at first and praise and encourage him in anything he enjoys. Don't impose your own wishes on him or mock him - make sure he knows he is accepted for the individual he is. Most importantly though encourage independence - teach him new skills eg getting dressed on his own, setting the table etc. If he knows you have confidence in his ability then he will be able to have confidence in himself.

Lovely post Jac - thank you