I'm such a crap mother.

[BonnieBumble]

Every day of the holidays ends with all of us in tears.

I really wish people had told me that I wouldn't make a good mother. I think people assumed that because I was quite a caring person I would be a good mother,

This is torture. I cannot do it. I lack the basic skills.

Ds1 has just had a major meltdown because I can't construct his tent. I have dyspraxia (not diagnosed) and I can't do anything. Before children I bumbled along and had a good job where dyspraxia did not hold me back. Since having children it seems such a massive part of my life to the point that I serve no purpose at all.

I used to love cooking but I cannot do that anymore. I can't do anything except work.

I don't know what I want anyone to say. I have just had enough with being completely useless.

I'm crap at hands-on motherhood too so you're not alone.

Can you make a list, on cards, of things you can do or things your DS can do with minimal help? Then you can pull them out of a box at random when you need something to do.

What kind of things would I write on the card?

How old is your DS?

Write a load of different activities - chalking on the patio, painting on it with water... that kind of thing (depending how old he is!) and then when you need something to do, he ills one out of the box at random. The key is that you know you/he can manage all of them.

how old is ds1? can you read the instructions and he does the actual putting together?

or go to argos and buy him a pop-up one to play with

why can't you cook any more? that seems a shame.

i bet there are tons of things you can do with the kids... you just need to think of them. My brother is dyspraxic, so I do understand a bit about the areas you might struggle with.

You could have a separate box of tricky" things which will need someone else to help.

WRT cooking - most children can manage chocolate crispy cakes with minimal adult help.

Christ, Bonnie, I can sympathise with that! I'd have a major meltdown if I had to put a tent up! This is my kids' job whenever we go camping!

And don't even start me on how you are supposed to fit it all back in the bag afterwards?! How do people do that?

(Incidentally, this explains why our tent is currently in storage in separate 3 bin bags in the shed over a year after it was last used but anyway, that's a different thread!)

Before I help you with your list, how old is your son?

I'm sure you're not a crap mother, we all feel like we are at times. How old are your children?

Sorry don't know much about dyspraxia so don't know how it affects what you do. I'm guessing what Soup means is activities you can do with your children. Things I've done with my 2.6 year old son in the last few days have included painting out in the garden, making corn flake cakes, playing with play dough etc.

But yesterday he had a total meltdown because his banana broke in half & apparently it was my fault

Yesterday I was in tears on the phone to my mum because I felt I couldn't cope, but we got through the day & it's been a better day today.

Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there

Soup That is a GREAT idea re the cards! I am so going to do that! Reason being that I have 2 ds's who always argue about what we do, so a random card system is def worth a try.

Bonnie I also struggle doing things 'with' my ds's. I need structured play with a proper purpose and an outcome I can predict, which does not happen with a 3yo and a 5yo.
We tend to do lots of hugs, and reading. I can do that.
I'm just not good on hands on stuff that bores me tbh.
Don't know what to suggest though, but you are not alone.

Ds1 is almost 8 and ds2 is 2.

Stupidly I thought that the tent was a pop up tent but it isn't. It probably isn't even that complicated but I just can't suss it out. When I read any instructions no matter how simple I have to translate it into my own language, I just can't do it with this.

Cooking is something that I used to enjoy before children but I struggle doing anything with distractions going on in the background and even something as simple as putting fish fingers in the oven inevitably ends in disaster.

I have agreed to take the boys to soft play this afternoon to make up for their disappointment.

Thanks for all your advice. Feeling a bit better now, I seem to be having some very dark moments lately.

You could put the 8 yo in charge of some activities for the 2yo. Take --mermag.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/interlocking-cardboard-castle-diy.html this]] as an example (just because I had it bookmarked as something for DD to do). The 8yo could probably draw/cut out the required shapes and the 2yo could splodge paint on in a very uncastley manner. Probably best to have two in that case - one each! Not sure how much your dyspraxia would hinder you if you needed to help with the drawing/cutting but the shapes are fairly straightforward.

Did you let the 8yo have a go at working out how to put the tent up?