Ludicrous negotiations you find yourself involved in with your 2 year old

[suzywong]

You know the ones; you are offering the child something for its own benefit, or about to take it to an activity or event or bargaining with it to go to bed and then time goes wavy and you step outside the situation and actually see yourself.......

Unwrapping the fifth ice lolly from the freezer as each one has failed to be the desired red one and when you do get to a a red one and it's slightly wonky the kids spits the dummy. It's 34 degrees fgs, just take the blinkin first ice lollly you are offered!

Stubborn you see, don't know where he gets it from

However he was jolly grateful when I finally relented and found him one

Hmmm. Tonight we had -

Me (adopting pre-bedtime trauma patient tone):

Which toothbrush would you like to use, hi-5 or penguin?

DD: Daddys

Me: hi-5 or penguin

DD: Mummys

Me: hi-5 or penguin

DD: waving deodorant in my face - what's this for?

Me: ok, I'll do it for you.
(cleans teeth, washes face, brushes hair while DD is trying to pull the mirror off the wall).

We leave the bathroom.

DD: I want dinner
Me: You've had dinner
DD: I want breadsticks, carrots, cucumber and dip dip
Me: You've had dinner
DD: BREADSTICKS!
Me: It's bedtime, banana or nothing
DD: BREADSTICKS!
Me: BEDTIME! Banana or nothing.

(in bedroom with 2 breadsticks and 2 stories later. I say good night and attempt to leave the room)

DD: I want to sleep on the floor.

Me: fine. Night. (Closing door)

30 seconds later:
DD: There's a monster.

Me: No there's not, we told them to go away remember?

Me: Go away monsters and leave us alone!

30 seconds later:

DD: I can't sleep

And so on......

that made me larf like a drain.

You've got to see the funny side or social services would get you

I often get into lovely arguments... mainly about words at the moment...

'HORSE!'

no sweetheart, 'sister'

'HOOORSE!'

no, 'siiister'

'COW'

'hmm, well maybe when she's older you never know...'

Mine was the phrase "please don't bunp your willy on the jigsaw- i'll give you a fruity bar when you stop"
even i think wtf???

LMAO ooops!

SW - I strongly suspect I will be back after tomorrow mornings protacted 'early-morning routine' negotiations.