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Original poster

How to handle a 6 year old girl who says NO!

21 replies

SPARKLER1 · 08/03/2006 22:43

I am having a real battle every school morning with dd1(6).
She refuses to get dressed for school and the whole situation always ends up with me shouting at her and both of us feeling really miserable when we actually get out of the front door.
I asked her this morning to ready for school and she point blank shouted back at me "NO!" Shock How are you supposed to respond to that. Angry Shock

I have tried the usual things:

If you don't get dressed you will not be going to rainbows/swimming/gran's for a sleepover etc etc etc.

If you don't get dressed you will got to school in your nightclothes! Grin

...there will be no pocket money/sweets etc.

How do you handle yours?

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kid · 08/03/2006 22:47

I don't have this problem with DD who is 7 but do have it with DS who is 3. I just force him to get dressed. I get his clothes out and take off his pyjamas and leave him to get on with it. He always gets dressed in time for school.

If you make the threat then it needs to be a realistic one, I mean would you really take her to school in her nightclothes? Grin

Withdrawing the treat of sleeping out seems like a good one, but only if she is bothered by it.

Earlybird · 08/03/2006 22:48

Oh, I know this scenario well. What would happen if you helped her get dressed? I know she should do it herself at her age, but it might de-stress things in the short term.

starlover · 08/03/2006 22:52

i agree with kid... the threat needs to be something realistic.. and ideally instant (ie, if you say you won't go somewhere and she still says no, what do you do?)

you HAVE to follow through with the threats you make. if you don't then why would she take you seriously?

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ghosty · 08/03/2006 22:53

Sparkler ...
I am having exactly the same problem with my DS lately (also 6) .... getting dressed, brushing teeth, homework, eating .... nightmare!

I have resorted to letting him take the consequences ...
No to homework ... well, fine ... you can explain to your teacher why you haven't done it.
No to dinner ... fine, go hungry
No to getting dressed ... fine, we'll be late for school and you can explain why or you can go in your pyjamas and you can explain why ...

It seems to be working .... obviously I can't do this with teeth brushing as I don't want his teeth to go black but I have told him that his teeth will go black and fall out and that seems to scare him a bit Grin

I have been really down about his attitude lately so I know how you feel.

kid · 08/03/2006 22:54

DS tested my threat the other day. I told him if he left the kitchen then I would throw his breakfast away. I didn't think he would go out of the room but he did, so I had to throw the breakfast away. I then forgot to give him a banana to eat on the way to school which was my intention so he must have been really hungry.

But, he has been great at eating his breakfast every day since! Grin

goreousgirl · 08/03/2006 22:55

Sparkler1 - do you have any younger kids? I found my 6 year old hard to get going in the morning - she was achingly slow at getting dressed, and will still do anything to avoid teeth/hairbrushing - but I started 'races' between getting her, and her 1.5yr old brother ready - obviously she always gets to win - and it makes her feel good - as if she's got one up on me whilst I'm still 'struggling' with ds's nappy, clothes etc. If no other kids - could she 'race' you? Best of luck.

collision · 08/03/2006 22:56

Kid...does your 3yr old ds really dress himself?

My ds is 4 in April and has no intention of dressing himself!

Mmmm...must work on this methinks!

RTKangaMummy · 08/03/2006 22:56

Also you start saying NO to her when she wants you to do something for her

like if she wants something to happen

You say NO !!!!!!!!!!!!

And then she will understand how frustrating it is

So when she says she wants to a snack you say NO when she wants to go out to play you say NO

And then you just keep saying it everytime she asks for something YOu be stubborn back to her

IYSWIM

RTKangaMummy · 08/03/2006 22:58

Races work here too

kid · 08/03/2006 22:58

Yes, he does dress himself. Usually with odd socks and pants on back to front. He is going to be 4 in April too (on the 3rd)

This morning he was up at 5:30am so I sent him back to bed. I heard some noises coming from downstairs a bit later so got up to investigate and there he was coming up the stairs fully dressed (not in school uniform though) complete with his shoes on. He must have been exhausted tonight!

He tends to copy his big sister so I think he is quite forward for his age.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 08/03/2006 22:58

RTKM love your suggestion. Grin
I do have a younger dd who is 4 - she gets dressed okay by herself but is beginning to pick up on her sister's behaviour. Sad
I do follow my threats through - but the pyjama scenario hasn't happened yet so it must be having some effect on her. LOL!

OP posts:
Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 08/03/2006 22:59

I was just really shocked when she shouted NO at me and really meant it. I seriously could have walloped her.

OP posts:
goreousgirl · 08/03/2006 23:04

You should see the 'shocked at some parents thread' - look at what Hattie wrote about a 1926 Nursery magazine tip on smacking your kids to sleep!!

RTKangaMummy · 08/03/2006 23:07

GrinGrinGrin

Or you could just take AGES to get ready to go to the park or to get her a drink or whatever you like

When she has had a few days or weeks of it she will speed up

And then if it starts again just start being slow again

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 08/03/2006 23:09

PMSL Grin

OP posts:
gomez · 08/03/2006 23:11

We found putting DD1s school clothes out in her bedroom each evening and making it the first thing she had to do each day - i.e. as soon as out of bed, before leaving her bedroom - got good results, although her problem was more taking ages than refusing to be fair. Might be worth a try.

She does leave her sweatshirt off until after breakfast and teeth cleaning and puts her shows on as we leave the house however!

fennel · 09/03/2006 13:59

my nearly 6 year old is chronically bad at getting dressed. This is probably our most regular stand-off. recent threats i have had to carry out include her going to school in bare feet and pyjamas - on a day with snow! she got dressed very quickly out in the front garden. and having to go to bed earlier than her little sister if she's too "tired" to get dressed. did both those last week. this week she is angelic in the mornings.

sophiecustessofwessex · 09/03/2006 14:46

threats have to be instant - with a sibling sibling rivalry can be fostered to your advantage.

pasta jar thing will work in this situation. as long as the treat is daily. so end of the day - call the counting up time at 6pm. ooh youngest kid has 6 pieces of pasta. excellent anything over 5 pieces and you get xxxxxx extra fruit, yoghurt, fav book, fav tv programe ........or this'll work . extra 15 mins at bedtime!!!

this will make older kid seriously pissed off.

madmarchhare · 09/03/2006 14:51

What about something more positive instead of 'you cant do this/that', how about 'if you do this, you get that'.

BettySpaghetti · 09/03/2006 17:04

I get fed up telling DD, also 6, to hurry up and get dressed/brush you teeth etc before school every day.

What I've done a few times is say "right, this morning I'm not going to keep telling you to get dressed. I'm am telling you ONCE to get dressed and brush your teeth. If you don't do it straight away we might be late for school but you'll be the one to explain to your teacher why you're late.I'm not going to keep nagging or reminding you -its up to YOU to do it".

It seems to have worked as she gets dressed straight away as shes not sure whether we've got to leave in 10mins or 45 mins.

Races also are a good way to get things done.

puddingz · 13/03/2006 23:02

Sparkler1, have you tried using a sticker chart? Let DD1 go to Woolworths to buy the stickers and try bribery!! Here's the link for the BBC star/sticker chart. I used it for bed wetting, took a few months but it worked! Good Luck
\link{http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/starchart_index.shtml}

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