My two bickering kids are making me miserable

[mumof2monsters]

My DS is 11 and DD 8 nearly 9 and all they do all day long is bicker. All I get is he did this or she did that and to be honest I am finding it really draining and am at the end of my teather.

DS can be quiet argumentitive and does wind her up and when I am not in the room he says she slaps and hits him and she denies it. Have told them this morning that their dad and I are finding it really draining and have had enough and then after taking DS to out as he wanted to buy lego with his own money I come home and they are at it again. I shouted at them and lost my temper and DS stormed upstairs and I have sent DD to her room. I just cannot stand another 4 weeks of this and don't know what to do.
DH and I work shifts and this is just too tiring on top of working nights etc. Please can anyone help or do you have any suggestions.

Have you read 1-2-3 Discipline? It has some great ideas for dealing with this. Basicaulyl you give them 2 warnings then a time out, so they spend some time apart to cool down.

Otherwise, are they too old for a star chart?? I symp[athise as my two can be the same -aged 8 and 5.

Spending 30 mins alone time with each time individually each day doing something led by each child I think would have positive effect, if they feel special to you it will help them 'behave' better for you. Try and make lots of eye contact with them, smile and hug.

Playful Parenting book talks about this in great detail. I swear by special time, it helps siblings not fight so much I think.

Mine are the same. It's torture isn't it????

I used to try and arbitrate and now I just can't be bothered. I send them both outside to continue their fight outside, but of course one is always more indignant about thta than the other. But I can't keep up. It's so, so wearing.

You have every last atom of my sympathy, as my DS (13) and DD (10) can be be like this, sometimes what seems like all day every day. It is wearing and you certainly do get to the end of your tether, we are not saints, we're mothers.

would you agree that they are at an age when you can sit down and discuss things more quietly with them, rather than the constant shouting (easier said than done). You need to let them know how you are feeling and that their behaviour is not acceptable and that it upsets you etc. I tell mine that I know they are going to argue at times, that's normal, but not ALL THE TIME. You know better than anyone what there favourite things are so make them aware that if they don't improve one or more of these things eg TV/sweets or whatever will be confiscated for however long you think fit.

Their 'reward' at this age in my opinion should be words of praise and encouragement and seeing you happier and not shouting, you could say something like 'I'm so happy to see you playing so nicely with X this morning' etc

Good luck, I'm sure you'll find something that helps.

I am afraid my two eldest are still often at each other's throats. They are 15 and 13. There have been a few chinks of light this past 6 months, when I have seen them talk normally together, but usually one (ds) is trying to wind his sister up while she goes crazy at him. Also grateful for tips!

My 2 eldest DS's (13 & 10) can barely utter a civilised word to one another sometimes. Constant putting down, teasing, winding each other up. Just basically ANYTHING they can do to annoy/displease the other to maximum affect. It is completely draining to be around it. Plus when it happens while we're out its embarrassing TBH - as well as spoiling the day/meal or whatever. Now, when i can (which is more and more) i just ignore it. If they come telling tales i say im not interested. If they're doing it around the other family members i chuck them out or upstairs telling them both they're no longer being allowed to inflict their petty and horrible behaviour on the rest of us!! It's early days, summer hols DOES NOT HELP!! But i think its working!

sympathy from me, mine are only 5 & 3 and it's grim at weekends. No advice, but I'm sure it gets better when they move out.

I'm also at breaking point with DD1 and DD2, age 12 and 15. They are vile to each other and it's just horrible. I also have DD3 (5) who is hard work, I'm a single parent (with no support) and I have fibromyalgia.

I could cope with everything else if DD1 and DD2 didn't constantly bicker (including shouting a lot and even physically fighting sometimes) over everything and nothing. They are stressing me out so much that it's making my already poor health worse so any tips for dealing with teens will be greatly appreciated.

My 3 never bicker. I don't know why. We don't. We are all quite polite bi leave them to sort out own rows abd follow the how to talk book.
It's amazing.

I have a friend with 3 teenagers who never bicker Windsock but she said that she hasn't done anything to encourage that, it's just the way things are.

I'm really calm generally (until I'm really pushed) and I hate shouting, either from me or other people. I hate the sound of bickering and I hate the negative atmoshpere this causes.

I really feel like throwing in the towel and just walking away

I'm on phone now so can't type. Will pop back tomorrow and think. Look up Htt the teenagers book