Crying baby question

[zinaida]

My PFB is 2 months old and I am BFing on demand. When he cries the majority of the time he can be settled by a cuddle with me or my husband, or a breastfeed.

Sometimes when I hand him to relatives he starts crying. I have to sit on my hands not to take him back because I want to give thema chance to settle him themselves, but my instincts are screaming that he needs me. Should I follow my instincts? My relatives always want to settle him themselves so I only take him back when I'm sure he's hungry, but am I being cruel to him leaving him with someone unfamiliar while he cries?

I am really unsure about what the normal way to proceed, please advise!

It's not cruel. Let the relatives have a go at comforting him because that's how everyone gets to know each other but, if the crying seems to be escalating rather than reducing, offer to take him back. Most people are happy to hand back a squawking baby. :)

Maybe you being there means he can smell your milk / you. If you can settle him I would ask for her back.

My dd is a lot older (14 months) and is happy with her dad when I am not here but wants me when I am here. So maybe if you weren't there they would be able to settle her. If you need to nap / do something maybe leave him with someone to give it a go. Maybe he doesn't like been passed around he is still only diddy.

Probably not much help.

Wow, that was quick, thanks for the replies! Glad I'm not mistreating him!

I'd say your relatives are being a little pigheaded in hanging onto your ds when he's crying - he's only little and obviously wants you.

It's difficult with relatives like this - you don't want to upset them but at the same time their trying to prove their baby-calming skills is a bit unneccessary and can leave you feeling undermined. You could just try being diplomatic and saying something like 'he doesn't like being handled by other people much at the moment, I'll give him a cuddle and then maybe he'll let you try holding him again when he's calmer'.

I overstepped it and didn't ever give anyone a chance to settle my baby, and then my baby never settled for anyone else! It was fine when they were newborn but after a few months I desperately wanted to go out for more than a few hours before being summoned back for my boobs.

I did find it very frustrating watching a relative trying to jiggle and rock my baby who got more and more worked up before she finally admitted defeat.

Just follow your instincts, you'll know whether your baby can manage a few more minutes without you or whether it will just make him more worked up and harder to settle.

Diyqueen there is definitely an element of that! He's the first grandson on both sides and I feel there is some competitive grandparenting going on, plus we've had one person get really uopet when I took him off her to breastfeed!

On the other hand, I dont want to overdo it like naturalbaby says. Tricky!

Upset, not uopet!

I've just had my second and I'm finding it very similar, my Dd won't settle with other people but I really want her to be well socialised and I know from having DS that he is now very used to people and confident. I always tell relatives and friends which positions she prefers if she starts crying and try to encourage them to settle her but with my advice, I think already having a toddler as well helps, I'm not so bothered about offending anymore!!!! I think it's hard but stand your ground, if people are offended because you need to feed your baby that's, well, ridiculous quite frankly!

I think let them have a go and if it's not working (5 mins) take them back. Sometimes 'strangers' can calm a crying baby really well, because they themselves are calmer than the frazzled Mum, and it gives them a great bond with the baby too. If the baby is hungry there are usually other signs eg. hands in mouth, or you know it's been a while since a feed. If people try to comfort a hungry, crying baby and you know he's hungry then just say that he's probably hungry and take him back. If he was fed 10mins ago, let them keep going.