So embarrassed but annoyed too!!!!

[momma2lilboys]

I am just sat in a soft play thing with my 2 boys 4&5yrs) my eldest is a little boisterous to say the least but I keep an eye on him & if he is playing too rough I always make him apologise & sometimes give him time out to cool down.

I didn't see the incident but apparently my eldest grabbed a little by the front of her t shirt. The mother found out, next thing all I could hear was shouting & evil looks in my direction, along the lines of "if I see him do that again I'll deal with him!" I wasn't 100% sure it was my kids but I went over to find out as the daggers were burning into me. She was really rude, pointing out her child had, had a heart operation. I pointed out if she had a problem she should speak to me Luke a grown adult and I will make him apologise. Children will be children in these places and I don't condone it when they go over the top but surly as parents we should model appropriate behaviour & show their kids how to resolve issues in a better way than shouting & balling!!!!!

Sorry for the rant but had to get that out!

Anywhere that parents and children are gathered in too great a concentration will turn into a finger-pointing blood-bath eventually. Loving the heart operation detail. Avoid.

If you know your ds is a little boisterous to say the least I think you should watch him all the time in these types of places or don't take him. I hate going to these places because of children doing this sort of thing unsupervised.

I am assuming you only have 1 child? I agree with you to some degree but you cant keep on top of kids you have to let them run boys especially! They inevitably end up going in different directions too & dad isn't here today...
Most 5yr olds don't have their parents stuck to them like glue. He can play nicely and for the last 30 mins has been playing nicely with a little girl. He's never the one who starts fighting but sticks up for himself & is loud so he's often the one who ends up in trouble. Trying to get it through to him that he needs to tell a grown up if someone's being mean but I wouldn't shout & ball at someone else either...

I don't see what him being a boy has to do with it. It sounds like you are willing tolerate a level of "boisterous" behaviour that other parents aren't. Sticking up for himself shouldn't involve physical contact or raised voices in my opinion.

I think the "boys will be boys" attitude to kids can contribute to the many many threads on here where boys grow up to be controlling and selfish men. I think teaching him a bit more self control wouldn't hurt.

I appreciate it isn't easy with 2 in that environment in the school holidays though.

soft play + school holidays = hell on earth- it has to have been raining solidly for weeks before I venture in!!

'I don't see what him being a boy has to do with it. It sounds like you are willing tolerate a level of "boisterous" behaviour that other parents aren't. '

Agree, and you then have to deal with the consequences. And no, I don't have only one child.
The other parent probably didn't know who was supposed to be responsible for the child grabbing hers by the shirt until you got off your arse and ambled over.

I have two children and really abhor the 'boys will be boys' attitude. Not my boy.

You have no empathy for a person who's child has had a heart operation?

Sorry if you can't watch don't go in. Working with sn I only go in these places on a quiet morning when everyone's at school so I know I can watch

1 child, 10 children, regardless they need watching and taught its not acceptable

Your son grabbed a little girl by the front of her t shirt?

Why did he do that then?

Is physical aggression against other children what you are terming 'boisterous'?

Boys need to run. So do girls. Neither of them need to grab other kids by the front of their shirts, afaik.

I'd have been pissed off too. Uncontrollable kids always mothers who use the 'boys will be boys' line.

And yes, I have more than one child, and both boys and girls. Or are you about to drip feed that he has actually been dx with ADHD and the other son has autism, and it's all too much for you to handle on your own?

I don't give a toss that your dh was away today (today? Does it normally take two of you to manage two nt kids a soft play?)

Some behavioral guidance for your child would work wonders. Or buy him a trampoline and net him up in the garden.

Nobody minds if a kid grabs and the mother appears and apologizes. The ones sitting reading a book and drinking coffee, and ignoring their child grabbing and being 'boisterous' are the ones that are a pita.

Well I disagree- many little boys are different to many little girls.
On 3 separate occasions at soft play I have asked friends to watch my DS when aged 20-26 months whilst I nipped to the loo. On these occasions they have lost my son as he has quickly disappeared somewhere up high. There daughters on the otherhand chose to stay near their mums.

Some children don't like being followed DS is now 2 1/2 and tells me to 'shoo' if I'm helicoptering.

I think that a degree of boisterous is absolutely normal in a lot of children (as is shyness), and whilst patents need to model more appropriate behaviour (as you would encourage a shy child to join in) you can't be expected to do this all the time.

I have also faced hostility from another parent who decided DS had
bitten her daughter. There was no mark and I'd been right by him so
apologised to mother and daughter but said that I'd been right there and hadnt seen it.
DS was just 2 at the time and I was there alone. I ended up leaving as this lady and her family gave me daggers constantly.

You say that the mother found out!? Did she see it happen? Did your boy admit to doing it? Or is this a matter of he says, she says but no-one saw what happened, but she knows her little girl and she would never tell a lie!?

So next time will you stay closer to him so that he won't play so roughly?

Yar, cashmere. Cos their mummies let the little boys run riot, whilst the little girls have been taught to sit and play nicely.

And to screech and whinge too

Swot wimmin do.

Erm does anyone else think the other mum was a bit ur? 'I will deal with him' hes a chlld!!! Also if she was concerned her dd is a bit fragile due to heart op maybe she she should have avoided soft play (it is soft by name only. I need to see how the grabbing of the t shirt went before I judge op and her dc. (childs play or abit more?)

YABU.

I went to softplay for the first time recently and will not be going back. A boy who looked around 2 (his DM later claimed he was just 1 and gave his date of birth and said 2010 ) started swinging his arms in my 10mo's face and throwing balls in his face, jumping over him and missing him by half an inch, my DC was in the very corner of the pit facing me, I eventually told this boy to be careful after he just about slapped DS on the face and quite obviously meaning to.

His Mother heard me, went to her table (beside ours) and started ranting and raving, my DP tried to explain what happened and she went mental. Saying "people shouldn't bring kids if they don't expect other kids to play with them".

While your's might need to run about other kids should be able to play without having older kids hurt them on purpose because other parents can't be arsed to use the word "no".

It's not just for your child's enjoyment.

In answer to the op's question I have 2 dc - one boy, one girl. I absolutely hate this "boys will be boys" thing too and "girls are delicate flowers who stay by their mummies". No wonder we have so many posts on mumsnet with women moaning about their dhs not being able to carry out simple tasks or look after their children when expectations of boys and girls are so different from such a young age.
If your child is liable to be boisterous then either supervise him properly or if you can't then do something with your dc where you can supervise properly.

My boy who's 2 won't leave my sure and my niece who is 11 months is 10 times more boisterous and shoos you off if you try to stop her doing anything so just laughing at the boys will be boys thing. Was also at soft play today in a restaurant. The soft play was for under 4 s only and I had to tell off 3 children all clearly older than this who were rolling around screaming and punching each other while their mothers ate their lunch in another room. The mothers came running thru when they heard their kids getting a row but somehow faile too notice the screaming and fighting. I only told them off because they were in danger of seriously hurting the little kids in there. Now though am feeling in the wrong as the parents were all so grumpy about it. Should I have done it differently, j just can't decide? Feeling a bit sorry for op here btw, it is Garcia to arch 2 art same time, at least she was making an effort not just ignoring them on purpose so she could eat her lunch in peace

Good I really don't think you were in the wrong, I think it's fine to tell off children who aren't your own if they are in danger of hurting others and parents aren't bothering about it.

I bet you would have felt even worse if one of them had gotten seriously hurt and you hadn't said anything and the grumpy parents would probably be blaming you for not saying something.

Can't win in this situation.

If your child can't play without attacking other children then you need to properly supervise him to prevent him from doing so until he learns how. It's not 'boisterous' to pick on smaller, weaker children, it's bullying, he targets them because they can't fight back.

I'm sorry but I dont think being "boisterous" is an excuse. Theres a difference between that and bullying. I would have been livid if your son did that to my daughter even if she hadnt had heart surgery. If your son can't behave around other children you shouldnt take him to soft play until he learns how to play nicely!

Some people can't hack the soft play DN has had lots of incidents in them sometimes others sometimes her often they band together and get wild.

I little boy was throwing balls at DS head (6mo) today i just told him to stop it simple as. The woman didn't even give you the chance to do anything by the sounds of it and anyone who said they would deal with my child would be dealt with by me.

I think your right to be annoyed as long as you dealt with your son doing it afterwards.