Starting Nursery

[mermaid101]

My DD is 10 months old. She will be going to nursery 2 days a week (starting mid August). I'll be working full time and her Dad will be looking after her when she's not at nursery.

She started her 2 weeks "settling in" period on Monday. It's not been too bad. She just goes for a few hours in the afternoon just now. But they said she cried a bit yesterday and when I put her down for her lunchtime nap just now, she was quite unsettled and cried which is very unlike her.

I feel TERRIBLE. I feel so guilty and feel like I am making her unhappy and doing something horrible to her. I'm just looking for reassurance really. Has anyone else been through this and does it get better?

It will get better. DD started nursery when she was just over a year old, her nursery only did 3 settling in sessions for 1 hour each, I was worried it wouldn't be enough for her to get used to things, but she has been there for a few weeks now & loves it. She doesn't sleep as much there as she would at home, but thats to be expected when there are so many fun things going on around her! We've had the occasional day when she has cried a little when I've dropped her off, but her keyworker is always there to meet her & by the time I've hung her bag & coat up on her peg, she has stopped crying!

Thanks moveoverhogger!

Do you mind me asking, how do you feel when you leave her and she cries? Do you worry about it all day?

Everyone else I know who has DCs at nursery say exactly the same as you, but my lord - the guilt is crippling. I never, ever thought i would feel like this!

It really does get better (you'll be bored of hearing that I'm sure). DD (18mo) started nursery at 1 yr after two 1 hr settling in sessions. We did a few weeks of 2 half days before starting her on my working hours.

We found that she cried on and off at nursery during the day for a couple of weeks, then only cried briefly at drop off and pick up and had a great time while she was there. I've seen other new babies start and while it takes them a few days to get the hang of being left they're absolutely fine after that.

Sleep can take a while longer to settle down. DD wouldn't sleep in their cot for a while and preferred a cuddle on the cushions with her keyworker, but now will pick up her dolly and ask to go into the sleep room.

I'm sure you'll look back and think how far she's come when she barely looks up from what she's doing when you pick her up.

I've never left her still crying. Normally it is just a quick cry before she stops & I walk past to see she is with her keyworker playing. When she had a cold she was really upset & was clinging onto me, so I wouldn't leave until she calmed down. Her keyworker kept telling me she'd be fine if I went, but I would not & could not go until I knew she was ok. It would have broke my heart to leave her crying. I managed to settle her in about 10 mins & she was away playing. The nursery are happy for me to phone them as much as I need to check she is ok, but I only called them for the first few days & don't feel the need to now. I did feel guilty to begin with, but I can see how much fun she has there & am so busy at work that I hardly get chance to think about her. I make sure I have loads of pics & vids of her on my iphone for those times when I am missing seeing her little face :)

I don't think that I felt quite as bad as you do, so this might not be helpful, but I practiced a form of "Fake it 'til you Make it" and acted as if I was the sort of relaxed person who just drops the child off and trusts the nursery to do their job. And eventually I became that person.

We were very bounced in at the beginning for a variety of reasons, so I really was working. You might find it easier when you're actually fitting it in to a busy routine - you'll want to fake it to avoid ending up arriving at work in a muddle.

I did leave her crying - it was my leaving that set it off, so I'd go out of the room, and listen for a minute. Usually she'd have stopped before I'd got my shoes on. I too phoned for updates for the first few days, but in the end figured they'd phone me if there was a problem.

I did feel a bit guilty leaving her crying, but I knew in my head that she was well looked after and having all sorts of experiences I can't/don't give her at home. I feel like I'm a better mum for a bit of time apart and she loves being with the other children.

Thanks for these. I think it will be different when I am back at work and I'll just have to get on with it. I honestly thought I would be delighted for her to be there and just breeze off. My thinking was that the nursery staff are much, much more experienced and competent than me. And they are really nice and have been reassuring.

I'm just so worried that she'll be crying for me and scared and not know where I am or if I'm coming back. Do babies of this age (10 months) think like that?

It's hard to know how a 10mo thinks, but my feeling is that it's very much in the here and now. So if she's happy here and now with this nursery person then that's fine with her. Honestly, by their reactions, I'm fairly sure that they almost forget about their parents until they turn up to pick them up.

I noticed that yesterday on a day out. DD was happy with my parents until I came along/spoke etc and then she'd want to come back to me.

Carrotcake,

Thank you so much. You (and everyone else) has made me feel much better. Thanks for being so kind. DD's away at nursery just now, but I have been slightly enjoying the time to myself which I suppose is a step in the right direction.

I appreciate the support!