Not coping with toddler and baby

[musica]

Well, some of the time. I've had a really bad couple of days that have ended in me screaming at my 2.5 year old, or having to leave dd (4months) crying her eyes out. This evening trying to get ds upstairs to bed, he just was being an ordinary 2 year old, and prevaricating, but it just reduced me to tears. He's not even a difficult child, but I have such a short fuse I just blow up at him for the slightest thing.

I guess partly it's because dh is working really really hard at the moment, unavoidably - it's really not his fault, and I don't blame him at all, but it means that ds doesn't see him at all, beyond 5 or 10 mins in the morning, even at weekends, and I only see dh for half an hour or so in the evening while we have our supper. I just feel like I'm not coping. I'm in total awe of all you people with 3!

Tell me this is normal. I just feel like I want to cry and shut myself in a dark room away from everyone!

No advice but truck loads of sympathy. Have dd of 23 months and ds 3 months and feel pretty much as you describe some of the time! dh works shifts including long days and weekends and we have just found out he has to retake an exam in March (he worked really hard, bless him, but failed his first attempt; they are really hard professional exams and need loads of revision time). So now I feel that I'm on my own until March, when ds will be 6 months and I feel dh will hardly have seen him. I had felt like I was coping loads better than with dd at the same age and now this.

Sorry, I'm no help to you at all...

AT least you know it's not just you!? Do you have good days too? Do you find the long nights make it worse (I know that sounds a bit dippy but I feel really hemmed in by them sometimes).

Sorry, feel really guilty about my post now. You've made me feel better, at least, since I don't feel such an oddity now...

Musica, don't be hard on yourself( and you epigirl of course) we've all been there and as guilty as we feel about shouting at the little angels they forget about within a few minutes( well mine do) and are on the the next naughty thing within the flash of an eye!!! I think we live in the noisiest(sp?) house in the street and most of the noise is me shouting at them for X,Y or Z

Since DS3 was born 12 weeks ago I've had quite a few people say how well I'm doing and how calm I am, I can honestly say that I must be a very good actress as if they saw me at home calm would not be a word they used. My life is one constant rush( Dh also works V odd shifts and I'm on my own with all 3 about 70% of the time) and the housework has long since overtaken me and as for the washing pile.....well we just won't go there.

So if you aren't normal than I'll be another joining you in being abnormal. Have a cry when you need it( see my 'where have I gone wrong with him' thread to see how often I do it) and enjoy the good days, they eventually more frequent and the bad days get easier.

It's totally normal, musica. I got told ds was being a bit naughty in the playground (bossing others around and shouting) last term and all I could see in my head was all the times I have lost my temper with him since dd was born and I just felt I had made him into a dysfunctional, inconsiderate little troll by snapping at him.
It's such rotten timing that your dh has a huge workload on - is there a finishing post for this extra work? Will it slacken off after Christmas? I sometimes find I can persuade myself things aren't so bad if I know something, anything, is going to change for the better next week/month/year.
I'm so sorry you're having such a relentless time of it and feel you're not coping. When I remember to, I find counting to five or ten before tackling an older child helps me cool it a bit. I forget to do this about 50% of the time though...
I am in complete awe of people with three too. We tipped up at a restaurant on Sunday feeling like the raggle-taggle gypsies-oh to meet friends with three who both looked bandbox smart and pretty relaxed as our tribe of urchins made their presence known around the place. We all had a lovely time but the parental conversation revolved almost exclusively around who felt less able to cope/more put-upon/whose child contained the most devilry. I think most parents of more than one are near to tears a lot of the time, some are just a lot better at hiding it. {{Hugs{}}}

I remember feeling just like you. You are definitely not alone Musica. I had 2 ds 16 months apart. They are now 9 and 10 and still some days best of friends and worst of enemies and there are days now when I feel I am a really bad mother. My dh works aways for weeks at a time. He was away when ds1 was born which was a bit traumatic as he was 6 weeks early and in special care. All I remember about those pre school years is feeling permanently knackered. I felt torn between the two. It is hard when you are on your own a lot. Things do get that it easier as the kids get older thought. Obviously different sorts of problems come up but the boys are a lot better company now overall.
I do look back on the early days with a bit of nostalgia though so things weren't all bad. So hang on in there Musica, you are not alone.

Thank you all for your messages - my computer has been out of action or I would have replied earlier! I'm feeling a bit more positive now - we've all had colds and illnesses for weeks now, and I think after a bit it gets one down!

Epigirl - no need to feel guilty! I do know what you mean about the long nights - especially because ds can't just go out in the garden in the evening to burn off energy.

Marina - things should ease off after Christmas. We're both just working so hard at the moment. I can't remember the last time I got to bed before 2, and it's usually more like 3/3:30. So I guess tiredness is playing a part. Roll on the 25th December! We're going away to family for about a week after that, so should be able to relax and have some family time. Actually dh is going to take a break from all the extra work he's been doing (major amounts of DIY etc.) after Christmas, because ds is missing him badly!

Thanks Candie and Emmatmg too. xxx

Musica, my dd is only 3 weeks and ds is 6 but I have realised since she's been born that if I've had a bad night/morning and am knackered/stressed then I'm shorter with him than I otherwise might have been. He usually tells me off and I apologise but I recognise that feeling you describe of being on a shorter fuse than normal. So it's normal! Email me if you fancy meeting for a cup of coffee. Hugs x

Musica, I've been there. Believe me. And frequently return. I think the best thing is just to get through the day, and try again the next day. Hugs.

Oh god now I'm terrified! No2 is due in July when DS will be 2.2.

Thanks www - I might well do that! Thanks. Motherinfestivemood - I think you're so right, take each day individually. Freddiecat - you'll be ok. It is hard, but I think with me it's not just the two children, but the time of year, and dh being so busy. Good luck!

Not much advice, but just sympathy! My two are 19 mths apart, and it has got easier as they have got older, esp. when meals were 'meshed' (eg same meals, not b/f / puree for one and proper meal for other) and also when baby got a bit heftier and could sit up etc and wasn't so vulnerable. Bath time I used to find impossible! Now it just seems ordinary - some days fine, others more, ummm "challenging". Any chance of husband or relative being with them for half a day while you have time to yourself? If I can manage to get a little time off, it always gives a new little lease of life. It will get better!