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Parenting

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Original poster

Taking one child out for treat without sibling. Good or bad idea?

19 replies

topazemerald · 01/08/2012 00:01

Have been having some problems with dd1 who is 6. She told me she thinks i love dd2 more than her because i spend more time with her and we are always happy together. Dd2 was with me all day while dd1 was in school this year so we did spend lots of time together. I think it would be nice for dd1 and i to have a day out together but not sure if it is fair on younger dd. Do you do it? What do you think?

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FallenCaryatid · 01/08/2012 00:04

I've always done it in addition to trips together, my two have very different spheres of interest and it is lovely to spend time with only one. It is fair if you keep a tally.

Original poster

topazemerald · 01/08/2012 00:11

Thanks. My 2 have pretty similar tastes so far and i think dd2 who is 3 might feel very left out but i think i need to make more of an effort with dd1. She can be a difficult child at times and even though i love her to bits i think she feels my frustration with her.

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nextsale · 01/08/2012 00:14

i have one pre arranged day a year as a treat for a day trip for just me and one child works really well they get to decide where to go it's for no reason just our special day

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FallenCaryatid · 01/08/2012 00:15

If she's difficult, then you need to be very clear and open about how fair it is.
Otherwise she'll be yelling 'It's not fair' and you'll have nothing to answer her with.
Try and factor in some time where you get to choose what you do too, and they get to do something low-key without you.

suedpantsoffem · 01/08/2012 00:18

I have special time with both my DDs separately. I always tell them that I treat them equally, but that that doesn't mean treating them the same. They both like different things, so it's great to have time with them individually.

QuintessentialShadows · 01/08/2012 00:19

Take dd1 out for a treat, not just once, but many times. They are different children with different needs, and dd2 needs to see you treat dd1 also!

I always tell mine that something may seem unfair at the time, but in the long run it evens out. They have different ideas of what is fun, and they both need some alone time with mum or dad, so that is why they both get it.

Sarcalogos · 01/08/2012 00:24

I always tell mine that something may seem unfair at the time, but in the long run it evens out

This! The words equal and fair do not mean 'the same'.

DowagersHump · 01/08/2012 00:24

It's very hard when one is at school and the other isn't because the perception is (and it's largely true) that the younger one is doing a load of fun stuff while the older one is stuck learning. As well as doing a 1-2-1 day out with DD1, I'd also make sure that you do a lot of stuff that is more fun for her in her holidays, rather than keeping your same routine.

Original poster

topazemerald · 01/08/2012 00:26

Thanks all for the words of wisdom. I have been googling places for afternoon tea as i think she might enjoy it. As well as one nice day out i think i need to change things a bit at home too so she doesn't feel left out. My 2 girls are so close and get on so well i would hate any jealousy to come between them. Dd2 starts pre school in sept so they will both be at school for part of the day which should help.

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laptopwieldingharpy · 01/08/2012 00:38

Of course you should.
On sundays we always make time for separate little momemts with DCs. Be it just a walk to the shop. We all enjoy that and it helps keep the day fuss free.

When eldest turned 6 and youngest was 2 we had the same. They just want a bit of "grown up time" and asbQ said will help you foster their individual interests.
I try and pick them up separately from school once a week and have a momemt together for a small treat and a chat.

A prper afternoon tea is lovely idea for a first date!

CogitoErgOlympics · 01/08/2012 08:17

Go for it. As you say, you spend all day alone with the younger child and it would be nice for you - and Dad as well, of course - to alternate spending time alone with both of them. I have fond memories of going swimming with my Dad on Sunday mornings and leaving my little brother behind. I have no similar memories of going somewhere just me and Mum

mamij · 01/08/2012 08:19

Watching with interest as DD1 and DD2 have similar age gap and DD1 will be starting Pre-school in September, so will be spending a lot more time with DD2. Hope DD1 won't feel too left out as I'll be taking her to music classes and we'll be doing other things together.

Olbasoil · 01/08/2012 13:59

I regularly do this with Ds1 & Ds3. Big age gap although they are similar. Ds4 has plenty of attention as he is 16 mths. Dd1 isn't interested in doing this, so it rarely happens.

MCos · 02/08/2012 17:14

I have a 2 year gap with my girls (8 & 10). Easiest way for me to get 1-1 time is going to/from hobbies. They share several hobbies, but have 1 or 2 separate ones. We sometimes have a treat and a chat on the way home. We have some of our best chats while driving.

Original poster

topazemerald · 02/08/2012 23:01

Thanks everyone.

I told her I would like to have a day out with her and asked what she would like to do. She was delighted.

She said 'just walk down the street and see all the neighbours'

We live in the countryside so not on a street and we only know our closest neighbour! I don't know where she gets these ideas

I'm going to suggest the afternoon tea idea.

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Meglet · 02/08/2012 23:04

IMO it's fine. DS had some special days out in London with me while DD was a young toddler. Now DS is at school DD will have a few big days out with me.

They both know when the other has a day out but I tell them they will get a special pressie from the gift shop so it's never caused a ruck.

AllDirections · 03/08/2012 00:00

DD1 and DD2 each get a day in the three main school holidays where it is just me and one of them, they choose what we do and where we eat. DD3 has started asking for 'her' day out so I'll be doing the same with her.

They each get a weekend away with me every 2 years too.

BackforGood · 03/08/2012 00:11

What Sued and sarc have said.
At 6, you can also get the photos out of all the billions of time you and her were 'alone together' before any younger siblings came along, and get her to understand the big sectret that you and she had FAR more alone time than her sibling ever will.
That said, I still like to go out with any of my 3 on their own (and my eldest is 16 now). It's good to have that special 1:1 time with Mum or Dad (or, tbh, any important adult) every now and then.

LeandarBear · 03/08/2012 17:51

Special days alone with one DC are a lovely thing to do.

I have never let my DC's get into a discussion as to them not being the favourite DC I used to find it a bit self indulgent of them so I just would't entertain it. That probably sounds mean but it worked for us.

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