how closely do you watch your toddler....

[highlandbird]

.....when playing at home??
Feel like the world's worst mum, DS 16mo was playing yesterday in the living room / kitchen just before bed, I was tidying toys away (when I should have been keeping an eye on him), he pushed over a big heavy bloody metal doorstep that crushed his wee finger, it was burst and blood everywhere, he was absolutely hysterical. We took him straight to a and e (hour and half away) he got butterfly sticthes and a bandage over his hand, I can't stop crying today I feel so so bad :(
We had so much advice from friends with older children to not make our house too 'baby friendly' and instead teach him not to play with / go near certain things, which we mostly ignored, have stairgates / fireguard / moved things he could harm himself with, or so we thought. So is the problem that I should be watching him more closely all the time? How closely do you watch your toddler?
He is napping now btw in case anyone thinks I am being neglectful!

Anyone? Or is everyone too busy watching their toddlers to chat on mn?!

Accidents happen, don't beat yourself up about it highland. You cannot watch them 24/7 - what about going to the loo, answering the door/phone or as you say trying to get on with some normal household jobs. Its not healthy for either of you to have to pick him up and carry him every single time you leave the room!

I don't know about advice 'not to babyproof' as such, but yes, even a chair being pulled over will cause an injury - you can't remove all chairs from your home! Then they grow a bit so that their eyes are in line with the corner of the table (put those lovely rubber corners on everything? Or do as people have done for centuries, and just wince whenever they get to close to it!)

My DD broke her tooth while I was in the room with her, she climbed on a chair and fell off it. I felt awful every time I looked at her (& now every time she falls over the sharp edge cuts her lip ) but I couldn't be watching her every move for the past 6 years!!!

Honestly, just put it down to experience - and it sounds harsh but how else will he learn some fear and some natural concern about preserving himself if he's wrapped up in cotton wool?

Don't feel bad (impossible I know), all little ones have accidents. Every single toddler I know has had a mishap (mostly minor thankfully), accidents can happen so quickly - even if you are right next to them!

Really really don't beat yourself up about this - you could have had your back turned for 2 seconds and he could have done it! It is easy to blame yourself but honestly, it is unfortunately how they learn, and you really can't watch them all the time.

DD has had some impressive accidents, and both when I had my back turned or stepped out of the room, so believe me I know how you feel!

It was an accident and they happen.

hmmm doingitformyself I hadn't thought of it as wrapping him up in cotton wool but I suppose now you say that I realise that is probably what I do to an extent....he comes to the toilet with me, usually cling to my legs if I try and do chores, I do carry him round almost everywhere with me we have spent the whole morning putting those little catches on all the cupboard doors and moving anything remotely unsuitable out int the shed.....even though he is (almost) never in the kitchen without me. TBF he is quite clingy though and I even have to carry him on my hip when I'm putting the washing away!

Thanks for your words of advice, I shall endeavour to chill out (whilst watching him from the corner of my eye) and let him learn some things for himself. pfb and all that

Ouch, sorry to hear that. As others say it was an accident. I too had similar advice to you about not over proofing the house and we've stuck to it - touch wood, so far we've been fine with dd (19mo) she's a handful and is often climbing on everything BUT, despite that I can't pin my eyes to her all the time as it's simply not practical or healthy to do so in my opinion. It must have been a horrid experience for you (and him) but I bet you anything he'll be as right as rain again shortly and no doubt will be attacking said door stop all over again.

It clearly wasn't that serious if it was fixed with butterfly stitches, so try not to beat yourself up about it. All toddlers have accidents and any parent who claims they have watched their child for their every waking hour is lying. Risks can be minimised but not eradicated.

I think its a combo personally of child friendly house and watching. At that age yes I do think they need to be watched very closely but at same time you can't avoid all accidents. Some children are more adventurous than others too.

I let my 2.5 roam the house but always look for her if I have not seen her for more than a few minutes. She is "dangerous" so any known hazards get removed.

My DH is very H&S aware so probably would have moved the metal doorstep but I may (like you) have not thought it through. Either way you know now. He will be ok. You are not bad parent these things do happen, chalk it up to experience. You sound like you are very careful you just didnt think that item could be dangerous.

I was convinced DD2 would have a bad accident at that age. She split her lip 3 times and fell down the stairs another time (walking down them).

There is an awful story in today's paper about toddler being killed by 2 stairgates. I feel so bad for the family but its a chilling reminder of what can happen - probably a combination of causes but so sad for them all. I would personally always err on the side of caution it sounds like you do anyway.

No it wasn't too serious thankfully just looked awful, Doc said there would be no residual damage (I didn't realise the bones in the finger are still really squishy at this age), but he'll have a good scar. Have managed to get him to keep his bandage on so far which is a small miracle!
I am overly cautious by nature, I suppose that's why this upset me so much, said doorstop (arty crap) now been slung out into the shed and replaced with a lightweight plastic one, not making that mistake twice!!
And yes I think he may be a very adventurous wee man, DH is a risk taking extreme sports enthusiast (I'm the opposite!!) I think I know who DS takes after, insists on climbing / exploring everything in sight and doesn't easily take no for an answer.
Thanks for all your words of wisdom by the way, I think I may have overreacted slightly at the time with shock!

How on earth did a toddler get killed by stairgates?? This has made me doubly paranoid now I couldn't find that story on bbc news at all....

I kept a close eye on DS because he was adventurous and would find danger I'd not thought of! We had stair gates (he fell down the stairs), corner protectors (he nearly hit his eye falling onto a corner) and cleared the living room of any furniture he could use for climbing - that way I could leave him in there briefly.

Now he's older (2.10), I leave him for a few minutes and he's fine. Plays by himself etc quite happily.

His sister is 8 months and going the same way so taking the same approach of keeping a close eye on her.

Check out my thread, having a similar discussion, u r not on your own!

Honestly OP, however closely you watch them they will have accidents.

DD1 was almost touching me when she tried to kill both herself and her sister.

Stood on a chair watching me cook, toppled the heavy chair over, broke the bouncy chair DD2 was in. Missed squashing DD2 flat and smashing her own head on the wall by mm.

Not a bruise or a mark on either of them, but it still makes me shake to think of it.

I let 2.5 y.o. DS roam at will - if he's out of my sight playing, it's a welcome break and opportunity. :) He's not particularly adventurous though.

All his accidents (pulled elbows, falling down the stairs x3) have happened whilst being closely supervised.

If you baby proof, all that means is the child will find something to hurt themselves on that was either not removable or completely unforseeable. I let DS (2.1) roam fairly freely and with some hazards. He tries to be careful now after a few minor bumps and bruises and that's the best I can do.

Don't beat yourself. You really really can't hover a toddler 100% of the time. I try to be in the same room with DD (16mo). But what am I to do if I'm on the loo, and she toddles out of the bathroom? Same as when I'm cooking. I don't know if it's safer if I let her be in the kitchen, or roam free in the living room.

And Iggly

I kept a close eye on DS because he was adventurous and would find danger I'd not thought of!
Yes I do that.

We had stair gates (he fell down the stairs),
Yes

corner protectors (he nearly hit his eye falling onto a corner)
Yes too

and cleared the living room of any furniture he could use for climbing - that way I could leave him in there briefly.
But I can't do this. She climbs the sofas, the foot rests and the coffee table. I can't clear the entire living room!

I think the thing is the older, more capable and independent they become the more confident we become in their abilities - sometimes a little prematurely. Perhaps a little complacency raises its head? Seriously, don't beat yourself up, it happens to the most careful and vigilant parents. I too have stair gates and am always one step ahead of my very adventurous DS. Yet in his 20 months he has had numerous bumps to his head, a cut finger (because unbeknown to me he had grown considerably and had begun pulling himself up on furniture so could now reach the glass tealight holders) and he fell all the way downstairs three weeks ago. Now that's what you call a heart stopping moment. I was so distressed i started a thread on here asking how many people's toddlers had done the same. I was suitably reassured by the 50 or so replies.

We have no coffee table or foot rests. Once he started climbing the sofa, we taught him how to slide off safely. But generally he came with me into the kitchen and he had his own cupboard which he would trash. We only locked the cupboard with cleaning stuff in and the other cupboards were fine for him to check out. I also had a corner of toys which included pens etc for drawing while I cooked.

Now I've got two, DD (8 months) crawls about. Again she stays with me and DS is old enough now to be trusted for a few minutes at a time. DD is pretty fast though so have to watch her! It's stressful but hey ho it's only for a short period of time in the grand scheme.

matana, yes I agree about prematurely bring confident in their abilities. Ds is 2.10 and looking back, at 18 months he was still a baby really but because he started walking so young he seemed older! I expected far too much of him.

Oh my DD can slide off safely without me teaching her. She is a real monkey and can crawl up and down the stairs before she could walk. Learning it all herself. The first time I know she could get off from high surfaces was her sliding out of our bed with her grobag and crawled away.

Problem though is she actually climb from the sofa onto the window sill. Then she stood on the window sill blowing raspberries on the window . And she would also straddle the sofa arms banging on the toys on her jumperoo too.

She has defeated the child safety lock we put in the kitchen cupboard too already. (she is 16mo). And I probably didn't mention she could open doors too.

It's just really tough watching a toddler unless you don't do anything else.

Yes it is tough! I spent a lot of the time going out. Housework and chores happened later!