What should DP and I discuss about parenting before having kids?

[fanjobiscuits]

Just that really. We are thinking of trying soon, but it's not something we have talked about much in terms of the details/realities/practicalities. Would really appreciate any tips, advice or suggestions.

Must add Dd is only 2 so i'm not exactly the voice of great experience!

Totallynaive- if a man rejects his child because it doesn't have his surname he is a shit father and doesn't deserve to be a dad at all. Good fathers don't care about stuff like that.

I found the biggest shift in understanding for my DH was that he wouldn't get much time for himself for a good few years.

He seemed to think weekends would still be a wind-down after his working week, when in reality we would both have to 'work' looking after the children in order to give each other time to catch up on chores we could do in the week. He works long hours... but then of course so do I as the children are generally asleep when he leaves and returns, and then I have to make dinner for us before I can truely chill.

As an example: the other day DH was lying on a lounger & reading while the children played in the paddling pool (2.6yr and nearly 9m) and I had to ask him to stop reading the paper and watch them (as I had just berated DS for pushing DD over) while I went in to do their tea. He said 'OK!! It was your idea to get the paddling pool' and although he apologised later when I came back 'Oh yes, heaven forbid that I do anything to entertain our children at all', it does show to a small extent that he would like to be able to leave them to play without his help. They can of course, but not for very long when they are small.

God, nothing. Talk about something more interesting while you still can.

It's already been mentioned but things like how you will split the night feeds are very important (imo) because those are some of the issues that seem to come up over and over again between people as bones of contention. Figuring out how things will be divided and coming to an agreement you're both happy with can really help- resentment can build up easily. It may also be worth talking about how you want to communicate if one of you is struggling or disagrees with the other over something: it's not worth staying silent over it because you never discussed what to do in a situation where you need the other person do help out more.

Christ we just shagged and then worked rowed it out as we went along!

My DH and I didn't really discuss anything to do with how we wanted to raise our kids. Apart from me saying I wanted a few of them and I would like them close together. We have made it up as we have gone along and I can't think of any things that we should have agreed beforehand. I think you change your mind about a lot of things when you actually have DCs for yourself.
If you have similar values with yourDP/DH and get on well together I am sure you will be fine.