Inappropriate Kisses for Mummy from 9 year-old DS

[Essjay12345]

Coming from a family of girls only, I'm not sure how to introduce the idea of appropriate kisses for Mummy for my 9-year-old DS.

I admit I do get lovely attention from him, (unless he's being a wee horror of course) but feel now he's getting older sometimes he is a bit intense with the kisses and cuddles and I'm trying to say 'smoochy' kisses should be left for girlfriends in the future.

I don't want to make a big deal about it and end up upsetting him, especially as we are a very tactile family in general, but any advice would be gratefully received.

He's 9. What on earth could be inappropriate about kissing mummy?!?!?!?!

Not sure what the problem is. Presumably your DS isn't giving you a big snog with tongues, just a kiss (perhaps on the mouth?) and a hug? He'll stop doing it soon enough as he gets older, and you'll miss the affection, I'm sure.

what do you mean, "smoochy" kisses?
are you smooching with DS? sounds odd to me...
is he your only DS or are there siblings?

is he using tongues?

This is a bit odd. What on earth do you mean OP? Either this is perfectly normal and you're just being sexist about boys not allowed show affection, or there's something very weird going on.

Tell him what your comfort boundaries are and get him to stick to them.
Smoochy kisses and cuddles are for people that want them and you need to get him to recognise that. In the same way that if a cuddle becomes a grope, you let him know that it's not OK.
Does he have an older sister? I found that my DD was very good at clarifying boundaries of behaviour with her brother, and several times his mischief ended painfully for him. He didn't feel unloved, just reminded that ' No' was something he should pay attention to.

I know what you mean and to some of the answers!
Agree with fallencaryatid.

Does he get into trouble at school over failure to recognise personal boundaries, either in friendships or in physical contact? Or is he just being a bit cheeky?
Have you always let him kiss and cuddle you like this, and are you trying to change something he's used to?
I did have a friend whose child when small used to comfort himself by sliding his hand into her top and holding a breast. She found it a habit she struggled to break, and he was still doing it when he was 6 or 7. But she felt she had to, for both of their sakes.

DS does smoochy kisses on me - but he's only 4.7 so can still just about get away with it. If he was 9, I wouldn't be comfortable with it - I'll probably try and stop the intense smooches when he starts school next year.
He's also just started trying to slip his hand inside my top, after not having done that for a couple of years - am refusing to allow that now, it's just not very appropriate.

Perhaps you could start by "having a cold" and avoiding doing full-on lip kisses to get him out of the habit, and then try not to go back to it?

OP, perhaps if you clarify what your DS is actually doing we can make suggestions to gently get him to stop, or whatever?

I have no idea what a "smoochy kiss" is versus a regular kiss. If I did, perhaps my suggestion would meet with people's approval.

How is it "inappropriate"?

I have never let my kids kiss me on the lips, not because I think it's inappropriate, I just don't like it.

They do however, kiss and hug me a lot and I would never discourage them.

See, we don't kiss on the lips in my family so all this is totally alien to me. I have no idea what a smoochy kiss in a children context, and why girls can do it any age and boys can't?

I think I might know what you mean, I used to give my mum a kiss like that where I sort of moved my head round (whilst giving her a kiss with a closed mouth). I think I used to say 'scuse noses!' when we bumped noses. I might have seen it in a film perhaps?

For the record I'm quite well adjusted now, and I think my mum just pulled me off and gave me a peck on the cheek instead! I don't think she made a big deal about it which is good because I cringe a little now.

Both my kids are lip kissers and I do not likr it at all! I tolerate it though, I hope by the time they get older they will want to stop doing it of their own accord.

this thread is a bit meh

I think if children see their parents kissing full on the mouth then it's only natural that when they want to show affection they will also go for a snog. DH and I tend to restrict ourselves in front of the DCs for that reason.

I'm with the OP here. My DD (4yo) does this. On the lips and holds my head. I don't like it. Not that I think it's inappropriate, I just don't like it.

No help to the OP though. I'm hoping she'll grow out of it.

Well, DS sometimes holds my head and gives me a big smacker of a kiss on the lips, and I love it. He won't do it forever and we've already introduced a special hand squeezing code instead of a kiss goodbye in the playground, as he doesn't want to be uncool in front of his friends. So I'm making the most of it before it ends completely.

And DD is very guarded with her affections, and I would find it hard if neither of my children wanted to give their mum a kiss!

My 7 yr old DS1 has done this a couple of times, usually after watching James Bond, just matter of factly explain that it show you kiss your girlfriend not your mum, ds normally then makes a few retching noises at the thought of a girlfriend then completely forgets about it!

Both my boys are affectionate, DS2, 20m is very generous with drooly wet kisses, normally accompanied by a 'mwah' sound.