3 1/2 week old not sleeping, and not settling.

[vickit78]

Hello
We are having multiple sleeping problems with our 3 week old - I know that we're not supposed to be sleeping a lot but this seems to be a bit extreme and I was wondering if anyone had any tips as I'm a bit of a wreck after this last week...

1. he will only sleep for 35 minutes at a time day or night
2. he is difficult to settle all the time - takes at least an hour to get him down. i'm guessing he is now just overtired after not sleeping properly day or night...
3. when we do settle him and put him down he will usually wake up after 10 minutes and starts crying. We swaddle him (he really struggles against it but we've been told to persevere as it will help him sleep in the long term?), and put him down in a bassinet in our room. He's breastfed and seems to be feeding ok - his weight gain is on track and he has lots of wet / dirty nappies. We're trying the baby whisperer EASY routine but it's hard to do the 3 hours cycles when he takes over an hour to settle! Any advice would be welcome! I'm ok being sleep deprived - my husband helps as lot so I get some naps - but I'm starting to worry about the baby not sleeping enough - he's getting max. 10 hours sleep in 24 hours and I know he needs to get more like 16... Thanks!

Personal experience with my DS was that he hated being swaddled. I'd certainly try not swaddling your son, especially if the room is warm as an overheated baby (like an overheated adult) will struggle to sleep well.

Being honest, I don't know anyone who has successfully followed a routine with such a young baby with any degree of success, out of people I know who have successfully followed a specific routine it's usually only from around 6-12 weeks as they know the baby more by then and are able to adapt the routine to suit their baby.

Will he breastfeed to sleep? If so go with that and ignore the BW. (I spent the first year of DD's life worrying about this, but you know what, still bf her to sleep at 3.5 years and it's AWESOME because she falls asleep in about ten minutes - and is perfectly capable of settling to sleep without me if I'm not there.)

During the day mine slept much better in a sling - they've had 9 months of being constantly held and jiggled about, so to be flat on their backs somewhere still and silent must feel very strange to them. Plus he presumably still has his Moro reflex so when he lies on his back will feel like he's falling quite often.

With my DS (second child) tbh we co-slept from birth and then usually on his side (supported by my arm) or on my chest when newborn BUT this is obviously against advice so I'm not recommending you do it, just telling you what worked for us.

Agree with trying not swaddling if he doesn't like it.

Good luck. It's so hard but it does get better (eventually).

Congrats on your lovely baby!

SOunds like feeding is off to a great start!

I'd ditch routine/schedules at this early stage. Sure, they can be useful, but your lo still thinks he is part of you. Everything dita has just said is spot on, imo.
There is time for routines, etc, later, once he has got the hang of being in the world. I know it seems long, but this very intense part of parenthood is very brief.

I remember writing that exact same post when DS was 3.5 weeks. That must be the wall!

The advice I got from wise MN was to co-sleep, as DS would just not settle without me. You may find that is why your baby keeps waking. As soon as I decided to co-sleep, DS slept, not exactly well, but much better. And so did I. There are guidelines that explain how to co-sleep safely - here

I also ended up laying next to him at naptimes as well, or he wouldn't settle. It was good enforced rest for me for the first few months. It did get a bit tiresome after a while, but I got some good books and learned to relax about it and go with the flow. It was easy though because I only have one DC, can see how this would be impossible with more than one!

Good luck, I hope you get some sleep soon.

I agree, ditch the routine for now and just go with what works for your baby. Many people find that putting the baby in a sling during the day settles them down so they do take a decent nap in the sling, you have your hands free and then the baby is not overtired. A nice stretchy wrap is lovely for a newborn, or something like one of those close caboo ones. I think the body contact is what helps

Thanks ladies.

Have had a better day today - just decided I'm not going to stress about it and let the little one take the lead - he's napped twice already - over 1.5 hours each time! Routines are ditched - think i was probably obsessing too much about what i read.

Dita - yes i'm breastfeeding to sleep now - much easier - but he doesn't always stay asleep after we've put him down...

Apollo - i'm a bit nervous about co-sleeping but will definitely give it a try if today is just a fluke!

Thanks again - really appreciate the advice.

Is a three hour easy expecting baby to be awake for 90 mins? That's too long for a little one! Keep going by his lead and only have a loose bedtime routine and wake him at the same time each morning.

By 4-5 months think about a rough routine if you must but make the most of them being young and flexible.

If you've fed to sleep, wait till he goes really floppy before you put him down. If you put him down when he's only in 'light' sleep then he'll wake up when he senses you've gone.

I wouldn't use any books at 3 weeks old. I went mental reading books and when I finally followed my instincts I was slightly less mental it was much better.

I sometimes feed DD who is 14 months to sleep. She can self settle but sometimes mummy is best.

Agree with them being really fast asleep before you put them down. Also slings are great when they are tiny. From about 6 months dd would nap in her cot but not really before that. You can also rock them in a buggy until they sleep. Then you don't need to move them.

Glad its getting better for you.

Glad to hear it's going better! :)

Agree with waiting until he's in a deep sleep, though even then he may wake up - if you think of it from a caveman pov, if he senses that he's alone then it probably means you've been eaten by wolves and he's next, so his instincts will wake him up. Can you let him nap on you, either in a sling or just on your chest if you're reading/watching telly etc?

I wish I'd coslept earlier with my DC1, coslept from birth with DC2 (and - coincidentally maybe - he's a MUCH better sleeper). It's worth looking into even if you decide it's not for you :)

Great to hear you sounding so confident and positive!

congrats on your baby.

Sounds like you are off to a pretty good start so i wouldn't stress too much. 3.5 weeks is very young. Routines are great and i would strongly advocate one but i think 3.5 weeks it would be a little ambitious!

Regarding the sleep, my own children hated being swaddledm hated blankets etc and in the end i gave up and just put them to bed in their baby grows (i had one winter and one summer baby)

Can you take him for a long walk during the day - great all round for i) getting baby to have an extended sleep, ii) fresh air for both of you iii) help keep you in shape iv) getting out of the house will help keep you sane

Personally i wasn;t in favour of co sleeping so we never went that route, but each to their own

Hi All

Sorry for delayed update but things have not got better - even a bit worse - so i've not had time to update. Have DS sleeping in sling on me at the moment...

He's 5 weeks tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit depressed to be honest - he is sleeping a bit during the day when i use my sling (but not in the stroller any more which is annoying as it was a easy way to get him to sleep and get some fresh air!).

in the evening i do feed, bath, top up feed, then bed around 6-7pm - depending on if he's slept in the afternoon. he feeds to sleep but then always wakes up after 30 mins - i'm pretty sure it's partly due to bad wind as he often burps when i pick him up (although i always burp him after feeding). Anyway, then he either sleeps for another 30 mins or it takes me 1 hour to settle him and it's time to feed again - this goes on till 7am...

he's sleeping in a grobag now not a swaddle. I'm still not sure about co-sleeping...

i feel so stressed about how little sleep he's getting - can only be about 8-9 hours in 24 and i know it should be more like 16!

i'll persevere with the sling during the day (i've got a babasling - still not 100% sure how to use it!)

thanks for the tips anyway ladies - hopefully this is a phase that will pass....

Hi Vickit, my DS2 is 2 weeks old and while quite happily sleeps in the daytime in his basket or chair without me next to him, he won't settle at night. Same as your DC, feeds, sleeps for 30mins, I try and settle him then its time to feed again. I am trying to recover from a second c-sec, have 4YO DS1 to look after too and DH returns to work tomorrow. After last night, keep picking up DS, my tummy hurts and I am exhausted so I can only imagine how you feel at 5 weeks. The health visitor came today and I just cried for half an hour.

I used a babasling with DS, they aren't the best option particularly if your baby tends to hold onto their wind quite a bit - a moby wrap would be ideal. With the babasling, try the "Easy Tiger" position, keeping your DS as upright as possible. If just using for a nap, the "Sleeping Tiger" is the most comfortable position IMO. Good luck, it really does get easier (and I say that as a mum to a bad sleeper!) but the first few months are definitely the hardest :)

Hi

You could have been me a few weeks ago - ds is 8 weeks now.

My ds is the same - he just hardly sleeps at all. I mean he sleeps about 20 mins in one go and then can be wide awake for 9 hours. I have tried swaddling and not swaddling / dark room / play gym or not blah blah. Everything. But I have come to accept its just the way he is. This is compounded by the fact my dd aged 8 was a "gina ford" baby and was in her routines aearly on and sleeping from 7-7 by 7 weeks with a dream feed at 11!!!! Ds still wakes every 2 hours during the night. I feed him back to sleep as its the only way to settle him. He feeds (formula fed) a lot too so its not hunger either!!!

The only real advice I can give you (as I am still struggling) is basically don't clock watch... You will drive yourself mad. I wouldn't try and have a bedtime routine if dc isn't sleepy. What's the point apart from driving yourself insane? I'd just carry on feeding rocking or whatever and let them doze / stare about.. We have found a bouncy chair a godsend. We put ds in it when we literally have to put him down and one of us can bounce him with our foot and eventually after happily staring about for a while he will doze off for a bit. I then carry him up to bed in it if its late. He's waking so much anyway I just put him in our room on the floor in it and when he wakes up transfer him to basket after feeding etc.

I think you might see a difference around 7 weeks as they tend to smile and be aware a bit more so they actually tire themselves out a bit more cognitively so they will sleep / be happier awake a bit longer.

I would ditch the idea of a routine. I naively thought "oh yes ds will go on gina ford like his sister" but after 3 days of faffing about and me putting ds in his cot and him staring at me for 3 hours and commpletely missing all the nap times (!!!) I just threw the book out and have accepted he is his own little person and I'm trying not to stress about it.