How do you manage to do projects for yourself with a small child?

[highheelsandequations]

So DD is 12.5 mo, I've taken a career break until next August to stay home with her and whilst I am loving it I am also at the stage now of really wanting to do some things for myself. I would love to completely haul over the garden, start a veg patch, do some craft projects, but how do you manage such things with a small child? Currently I do as many chores as I can with her 'helping' and then use her (very brief) naps to do anything I really can't do when she's up and about. Very occasionally (about once a month I think!) I sit down with a cup of tea for 10 mins. I find it difficult keeping her amused whilst I get stuff done for more than 5-10 mins at a time and she then wants to run off somewhere else. So any tips?

You do start to get a little more time as they get older and start to explore and play by themselves for a few minutes at a time. I'm watching with interest to see what others have to say though because DS is 18 months and can occupy himself at times (he's a very 'busy' toddler) but whenever I need to do something (have a poo, make lunch etc) he climbs all over me, wants me to play with him and pick him up and either whinges constantly or runs round touching everything he knows he shouldnt, and yet if I'm sat with him he pretty much ignores me! I think it's all normal and you probably get more time to 'do' stuff as they get older, but with another on the way I'd like to know too!

I don't think you do really, at least I never get the chance but it may depend a bit upon what kind of child you have.

TBH I managed a lot more when mine were small as they had regular daytime naps.

Now they're under my feet (5.9 and 4.11yrs), raising hell from 7am to 7pm. House, garden and home admin has never been messier.

DS is 16 months and I've found the best way to get anything done is to let him 'help' me... Housework he is given a duster and goes around pretending to polish, I sort a pile of clothes to go in the wash and let him load them in etc. I love to bake so he gets to stir the mixture and try a little taste as we go along, or I will give him a plastic mixing bowl with some play dough in and a plastic spatula, he will happily smush it for a while

And when he gets bored he will just go off and play with his toys, I think he is under the impression that what I'm doing is fun and he's missing out - once he's tried it he's happy to leave me to it

Playpen.

I think one year olds are much harder than babies. If you haven't managed to get those things done in the past 12 months I don't see it happening over the next 12.

Can you do stuff when her dad has her?

12-18 months can be a trying stages as they need a lot of watching -but are unlikely to be distracted by say -cbeebies...
try and make at least some rooms in your house toddler proofed so you can at aleast leave your DD in that room for a short while
Craft projects - I can just about imagine doing something like that with my DS1 - from maybe when he was 3ish but not earlier
Gardening - managed to do a fair bit of gardening with my DCs around at that age - they like being outside - did chew a few stones that kind of thing
i would work on getting a good nap routine going if at all possible - also maybe look at doing an evening classs something like that -that you go out of the house for - and the thing I always want to do for myself is exercise and my leisure centre had a creche so I used to use that
also for housework have you come across flylady - loads of threads on the good housekeeping as that is about doing stuff in 15 mins
the other think is to get out the house a fair bit - ideally to meet other adults - eg toddler groups etd
-if I am at home I always feel I should be some thing

Ds's are 16, 14 and 6 and I'm still waiting for the "me time"! Perhaps once they leave home.

Intermittently.
I found errands and physical stuff I could do fairly well, but anything that involved sitting and concentrating just didn't happen except on my night to stay late at work.

So round that age I did lots of cooking and fetching widgets from obscure shops across London, and sod all writing, reading, etc.

While they are awake/up then v difficult once they're mobile but if you establish a routine of a long afternoon nap then I found that I could get quite a lot done then - eg my first ML I planned & project managed renovation works when back at work I have done other DIY projects (decorating etc) during ds1's nap times on my days off and now on ML again and my project is an overhaul of the garden. Ds1 is at nursery several days a week and ds2 (3mo) is in the sling a lot at the moment as no regular nap time yet.

It's not easy and sometimes you have to force yourself to do something productive during nap time rather than just collapse

Me too. Dd (16mo) doesn't nap much in the day no matter what I do, and is very full-on and curious when awake - can't do anything like digging when she's awake as she wants to be right in there in the action, grabbing the spade, or else hanging onto my legs whinging. I occasionally find energy to do things after she's gone to bed (have been trying to finish making a pair of curtains since she was born, and decorating etc), but her full-on nature means that I'm normally cream-crackered by her bedtime.

The garden's a jungle and I gave up my old allotment when she was a few months old - I naively thought before she was born that I'd be over there digging while she snoozed or kicked about happily in her pram, or sat on a rug and watched... hahahahahahaha!

I'm scaling back my ambitions and maybe that's my best tip - next year I'm going to try some pots of veg on the patio as a first step to thinking about that veg patch in the garden.

tbh I too have found it has got worse than better - my DSs are 6 and 4. The long day time naps are long gone sadly - they were great! Now my 2 bicker and fight and I feel like I am constantly on call to referee them. They are truly draining and I rarely get any peace. I tell DH to get me a cup of tea in bed as I am stealing myself to start my 13 hr unpaid shift (they get up at 6.30 every day the horrors!) and it is so bloody true!!!

With great difficulty.

I find getting errands done pretty easy, but anything at home is pretty much a non-starter.
When I just had DS1 then I had time when he was asleep when I would spend time browsing for new recipes, reading etc. Since having DS2 I hardly do anything like that. He is so full on, doesn't nap every day (he is 16 months), so when he does sleep I try to spend some time with DS1 and/or do jobs that I can't when he is around like unloading the dishwasher - he makes a grab for the knives and wants to climb inside. I can't leave anything on the dining table because I turn my back for 10 seconds and he has climbed up and is making a grab for whatever it is.

Maybe once they are both at school I will get a chance to read, garden and learn something new!

It is an interesting point though and one I was pondering the other day...

I really feel that having young children at home i.e. a least one preschooler, can at times be tantamount to a form of mental torture in that you never truly get to do what you want to do. I wonder if this has a negative impact on SAHM mental health. I can't help but feel that if I was a work, effectively pleasing myself in basic functions, i.e able to wee in peace, make a phone call in peace, gaze out the window for a few minutes in peace that my mental health would be better!

NO idea but I know a woman who must.. she has 3 sons, admittedly two are now at school but the 3rd is 2 and in the holidays she has all 3 obviously yet still manages to run a large house, a cake making business, make gorgeous Kath Kidstony craft things for her house, grow half their food in the garden, keep chickens, walk a dog etc. She's a total legend and I am in awe of her but have no idea how she does it! Sorry, that's not very helpful but aspirational maybe . When DS was 1-2 I basically turned the living room into a playpen, gated and toddler proof so I could leave him in there for several minutes at a time, fine for chores, but not really projects.

I think how long your children will nap for plays a huge part in how much you can get done. I've just managed to consistently get her to have a nap for 45 mins in her cot by herself most days, when she was younger she'd only sleep if I took her out in the buggy or held her so I spent lots of time walking the streets and lots of time doing what I could with her in the sling (still do some days), then I had a phase of pushing her in the buggy till she fell asleep, turning around and dashing home so I could get some chores done. Things like dusting, dishes and laundry are easier now that she can 'help', thinking of buying her a dustbuster as well so she can help with the hoovering :)

Good to know I'm not the only one finding it impossible! It's taken me a year to find a system that allows me to keep on top of the housework (just about), laundry and cooking, maybe I'll find a way to do other things just in time for my return to work.