Expectation and reality of becoming a parent

[eurydice]

Was your expectation of motherhood altered when you became a parent and do you think the media plays a role in suggesting a dominant ideology about the role of motherhood

Hi, I didn't really know what to expect, as I/we decided to start a family pretty late on. 33 when I had dd, now just confirmed expecting no.2. Don't really have a lot of family/friends with young children either. However, I think it is magical, and I'm so glad I changed my mind. We were adamant about not wanting kids for years! I just didn't get it, until I was preg with my daughter. I thought people who were mad about kids were insane. Having said that, it ain't always no picnic and the initial exhaustion was shocking to say the least. Also, even still I find it hard not being able to just get up and go and do things on a whim. Sure, I have a pretty settled routine with little one now. But after 33 years of doing what I liked and working full time and being 'Miss Independence', it was a steep learning curve. The media is full of nonsense, and doesn't really portray the positive aspects of parenting enough. This country is, on the whole, terribly child/family unfriendly. (The Govn certainly doesn't do enough to support family life). We could in some respects learn a lot from our continental cousins.

Yes definately had no idea it would be so unrelentless in first year. BF every 2 hours then making loads of weening food for freezer. I have found it so difficult to find suitable childcare which I never expected and on reflection if I had known the the reality of childcare I would not have got pregnant.

The media portray single mothers on benefits as terrible people this led to me going back to work full time when DD was 7 months old as I didn't want to be looked down upon by society.

with dd1 i was oblivious to just how demanding becoming a mother would be, felt that the media surrouded us with lots of positive portrayals of mothers as natural nurturers and was surprised to find the supposedly natural instinctive role of mothering much harder than anticipated. Far from the glowing mother I was in a state of extreme fatigue for about five months.

Agree very much with your experience Eurydice.

And when I had ds (second child) I thought I would have all the answers - what a fool!

do you think mothers are primarily the main carers in modern parenting or are fathers playing a more active role