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Original poster

Reaching the end of my tether with toilet training ds2

16 replies

ponygirl · 06/03/2006 20:47

Ds2 is now 3.1. We started toilet training 7 weeks ago, and we were making some good progress. After two weeks, I felt confident that things were going well and I wasn't going to back out. But we hit a snag: ds2 got diarrhoea in week 3. Badly. He had it for about a week, but even when he was better, he seemed to have lost any awareness of the need to have a poo. I thought it was a matter of time, but it's been another three weeks and he's still pooing in his pants twice a day. And the weeing, which was getting pretty good, has all gone to pot now too. He wet himself 5 times today.

I've talked to him about it, and in his head he understands exactly what is required of him, but just doesn't seem to do it. I was just about coping with the poo thing, because at least the wee thing was OK, but if that's going now then I just feel back at square one. I'm finding it difficult not to show some frustration with him now. I can't help it, I'm so fed up of clearing up poo.

What shall I do now? I'm using a star chart and chocolate buttons, which he's really into, but not enough it seems. Dh has suggested taking a firmer approach, ie treating him as though he's been naughty, but that doesn't feel right. Help!

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Original poster

ponygirl · 07/03/2006 10:31

Shameless bump!

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petunia · 07/03/2006 12:34

I'm in exactly the same position. My DD2 is 3.1 as well and I've been trying off and on to potty train her since Christmas. She just shows no interest in potty training. She says things like "wees and poos in the potty" and gets upset when she has a poo coming because she knows she's supposed to be doing it in the potty but she just doesn't seem to connect a full bladder with the potty. I've tried the choc buttons (bribing her to sit on the potty) and star charts but they don't seem to work.

Sorry I can't help but hope someone can come along and help (us both!) soon.

Original poster

ponygirl · 07/03/2006 13:17

Thanks petunia, I was starting to feel lonely!

Calling someone to help us......! We're drowning in wee and poo.....!

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popmum · 07/03/2006 13:29

can kind of empahtise - my dd has been ok for a while but has been having accidents, but these are down i think to new baby in the house! She also has accidents when she is tired.

my only suggestions would be to take them with you to the loo whenever you go, keep asking them if they need to go (which is annoying but you have to hope they eventually get it), leaving trousers off when at home (this seemes to 'remind' my one that she needs to sit on pot)....don't know what else.

hope these help!

FrannyandZooey · 07/03/2006 13:41

I think a child that is doing 2 poos and 5 wees in his pants per day needs a break from potty training. It's not working and it must be terribly demoralising for both of you. :(

jacobsmummy · 07/03/2006 14:19

I agree, if they were ready to do it, you would have seen more progress by now.

I didn't even bother to start toilet training any of my children until they were 3 years old(probably couldn't be arsed )and sometimes it went well, but on other days it didn't.

have a little break from it and try again in a few months time. They will get there eventually (how many 18 year old do you know, who are still in nappies )

knat · 07/03/2006 19:27

i too have been potty training my dd for 7 long long weeks!!! She started not wanting to go anywhere near potty or toilet. we've now progressed to being able to put her on potty when she starts a wee and she'll finish it off there and sometimes same with a poo. and some days i've sat her on it when i think she's ready for a wee etc and she's done it in there. However, if u don't initiate it or catch her midway she just does it wherever she is. However in 7 weeks and going out virtually everyday she has never had an accident out and can usually have a nap without going for a wee either. So she knows what to do, she has the control, like u she knows where to do them and knows about buttons and sticker chart (which she loves) it's just at the time she just doesn't equate sitting on potty rather than standing and letting it happen!!! Wish someone could help too!!!!

Original poster

ponygirl · 08/03/2006 09:57

FandZ.Jacobsmummy: I agree, if it was 5 wees and 2 poos in pants every day I'd have given up long ago! I was particularly demoralised on Sunday, because it was such a bad day. Yesterday was more usual: 1 poo in pants, but no wetting (well, one slightly damp pant, which barely counts!). He was really good about going when I asked, and prompted me himself. It's the poo thing that's really getting me down: generally the wee thing is OK, so I don't think I can put him back in nappies now. He'd hate, too, because I've asked him, and he was horrified! I think it's really just a case of toughing it out, as patiently as I can, until the poo sensation kicks (back) in.

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Original poster

ponygirl · 08/03/2006 09:58

Good luck, knat, it really is an incredibly frustrating business. How old is your dd?

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juliab · 08/03/2006 10:26

Hi ponygirl
Poor you: sounds like you're having a frustrating - and mucky! - time.
Would it help if you took your ds2 on a special shopping trip to buy some extra special new pants (with pictures of diggers or a TV character he likes on)? Then he might be VERY keen to keep them nice and clean.
Also, maybe you could make the star chart a little more motivating by saying if he gets xx stars a day, he gets xx. That might encourage him to be more consistent.
Personally, i'd concentrate on getting the weeing sorted first. Think it's really common for them to get a 'thing' about pooing. And focusing on it right now may only make it worse.
HTH

knat · 08/03/2006 14:38

hi ponygirl she's 2.5 - so i know a lot of people will say oh she's not ready or too young but i feel she woul dbe like this if i left her till later anyway.

Original poster

ponygirl · 08/03/2006 14:58

Hi knat. I think you reach a point in the first couple of weeks with toilet training where you have to decide whether you're getting somewhere and you commit to no more nappies, or you put them back in. I've passed that point and really don't want to go back. I think it's the same for you. Perseverance!

Juliab - I think you're right and I just need to concentrate on the wees, which at least are mostly positive, and just take the poos in my stride until he gets the hang of it. We've done the pants thing, sadly he wasn't very interested, but then I couldn't find any with Thomas on! And he has a star chart: he gets a star if we've had a 'good' day and when he completes a row of 7 he gets a present. We did manage to complete the first row a couple of weeks ago and he got a car. It's the old praise the positive, ignore the negative again, isn't it? [sigh]

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juliab · 08/03/2006 15:05

Why don't they do Thomas pants any more? They're every little boy's dream, aren't they? Maybe somebody on MN will know where we can still get them...
Good luck with it all - I'm sure it will sort itself out. He - and you – were very unlucky to get diarrhoea just as he was getting the knack of potty-training.
Just one question: what does he does when he poos his pants? Does he know he's doing it? Does he know when he's done it?

Normsnockers · 08/03/2006 15:34

I got some thomas,percy and james pants from tescos. One engine only on each pair !

, it hasn't worked for us and ds is almost 3. Still the pants are 3-4 so hopefully they'll still fit when he does get the hang of it.

We've had three abortive attempts over the last 5 months, each lasting a week and nursery (who had been pushing for it) also agreed that he just wasn't getting it and that we should wait a few more months.

I am in despair as he now even shuns the potty/toilet in favour of weeing in the bath each night and when we started he used to always have wee in the toilet before bath time and a wee in the toilet each morning before getting dressed.

Hopefully something will just switch on in his brain soon (hopeful look)!

petunia · 08/03/2006 16:44

Ponygirl- I think you're right about there being a "point of no return". At the moment DD is willing to sit on the potty if I tell her to, it's just we don't get anything in it. I think I'm just going to keep on telling her to sit on the potty in the hope we get a result but I can see me having to spend the Easter holidays actively trying to potty train her. Not something I wanted to do because baby no3 is due at the end of April! So Normsnockers, I'm waiting for that mysterious switch to work in the brain as well!

knat · 08/03/2006 20:17

yes ponygirl i have reached that point of no return. I'm determined that we're not going back to nappies as she's so aware of everything just not either in time or is completely mesmerised to remember to go and do it on the potty!!! When will it change - i thought by now we'd be somewhere a lot nearer!!!!

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