toddler seeing you cry

[umboo]

hi

this morning i was crying because well i guess with a 2.3yo and a 6wo sometimes things get too much. anyway i'm fine now- tbh it was may well have been PMT (periods came back within weeks last time as well), but i was wondering what do you do if your toddler sees you cry? he was concerned which made me feel worse- but also made me hold it in because i didn't want him to see me upset.

i just remember a friend at secondary school years ago telling me that she had never seen her mum cry. i always thought wow that's amazing, but now as a mum i just can't see how that's possible to not cry in front of your kids! so how do you deal with it so that they don't get too worried and upset?

thanks!

Glad you're feeling better. It's a lot of work with two, and really tiring early on, so you have my sympathy.

I normally say something to my toddler like 'mummy was feeling very tired earlier and she felt a bit sad, but it's all ok now. It's ok to have a cry when we feel sad, and when you gave me a cuddle I felt much better'. I think it's much better for them to know what's happened, as I think that's more comforting than being confused about what's gone on.

HTH.

umboo I agree with Coveting on this. It's helpful for your children to know that adults express their emotions in the same way as children do, but it would help for you to explain roughly why, so he's not frightened by what he saw.

In the same way, if you're very angry over something, you can say to DS oh I'm so angry about X so he can see how you're verbalising your feelings.

I actually think it's good for them to see a range of emotions at various times - isn't that how they learn empathy? Clearly, it's probably not in their best interests to be permanently surrounded by sadness (or anger etc) but to be eternally happy simply isn't realistic. Or healthy i suspect.

Tbh i'd just be entirely honest - "sometimes mummy feels sad..." etc.

I dont think its a bad thing at all...... just as long as they see you happy too and you explain why you're happy or sad. and obviously dont blame child/ children for your crying or get angry with them because of it... I imagine that might be quite damaging!

I cry at the slightest thing nowadays it has become a bit of a standing family joke. This morning watching the bell ringing thing for the olympics my 8 yr old said " have you started crying yet mum?" and yes I had :).

lol severnofnine, that's me too! I cried when we went to see the Olympic flame in our city. Got all caught up in the moment with DS perched on my shoulders. I am the butt of many jokes in our household. Luckily i laugh like a good un too though.

I remember when my gran died and telling my DS that I was crying because I was very sad but that I would be OK soon. He seemed OK with the explanation and we had a hug. Toddlers cry and see other children cry all the time for all kinds of reasons. I don't think it's that big a deal to them.

thank you so much everyone i feel so much better now i could cry

i never thought of it like that, that actually its a good thing to see all emotions, and that makes a lot of sense. so actually its part of his emotional development to see me upset! but he sees lots of smiles and laughs from me too :)

thank you again, i really do feel better about it and hopefully will know what to do if and when it happens again.