Help my lfe is a disorganised mess!

[lyndsey66]

I have a ds who is 15 months and a husband who has a stressful job.
I gave up work to look after my son and thought that it would give me the time to become the sterotypical waltons mum (an all round baking and domestic goddess). Far from this it has turned me into a disorganised, couch potatoe with low self esteem!
When I had a career I was really organised and social, but over the past year I seem to have fallen apart a bit.
I cant organise cooking my husband dinner, cant iron and dont have any time for house work. All I do is follow around after my ds making sure he is ok!
Please can anyone give me tips on. 1. how to manage looking after the domestic stuff whilst looking after my son? Have tried putting him in his high chair or cot but he just moans. 2. How to motivate myself enough to get dressed and go out - just dont seem to have any energy left.
Any suggestions would be gratefully recieved - would love just to hear what other sahm routines are - so I can compare and see where I am going wrong. Thanks

L66 - I was in the same boat as you. I still find it hard to do the housework with my ds around. Most major cleaning gets left until the weekend, when dh can look after ds to give me the freedom to do the things that need doing. My ds is 2y 5m, and is getting to the stage where I can now do things around him, like empty the dishwasher. He does hang around the kitchen whinging, or playing with things that he shouldn't touch, but I just have to keep one eye on him!

I think that if he moans in his highchair or cot, you are just going to have to let him moan. I am in the unfortunate position that my dh works from home, so I can't leave ds to maon much, as it disturbs ds. However, if he didn't, I would have used the cot more.

Have you got a play pen or travel cot? If so, could you put it in the hall while you are cleaning or cooking. Your ds would then be able to see you while he was playing, and would be safely out of harm's way.

L66 I am a sahm of 4. My house is always a tip, but I am always cleaning up. It's never ending isn't it? It does get me down, today is one of those days. If my youngest is in his highchair, and moaning, and I can't get to him, then he just has to stay there. Sounds harsh, but it won't do any long term harm. He moans too, but I can't do it all at once. I just have to decide what has to be done first, and do it. I find it easier t do the housework when dh isn't around, if he is I tend to find myself sitting chatting, or watching rubbish telly .

I wouldn't worry about ironing too much, especially now we are all wrapped up for winter (assuming you are in Uk). I tend to spend my days in a round of laundry, and kitchen duties. Everything else has to be taken with a "when I can get to it" approach.

I couldn't even be bothered to get dressed a lot of days, but I forced myself to do it, even make up now, because I found I felt better looking better. Exception today, as I am roadkill, but on the whole I find it gives me a bit of a boost. Nothing too helpful there , sorry.

L66

I know just how you feel and I don't think you are going wrong all, so don't be so hard on yourself.

I have a ds who is 23 months and a newborn son who is 5 weeks and my house is an absolute dump! Before ds2 was born I could just about manage to keep on top of the washing (but not the ironing.....my/ds stuff is never ironed - the creased look is in these days and dp has resorted to ironing his own shirts for work ) Now I've got washing piling up, the ironing pile is exploding and there are toys/clutter everywhere. I don't seem to have any room in the house which is tidy, apart from the kids rooms and ds2 hasn't moved in yet! Nowhere is toy free either! I finally fell apart this morning and had a major blub for an hour as I'd been up most of the night with both little ones (didn't get dressed til gone 2 either). I've managed to do a little clearing up today but there is still tons to do. Most days I just try and keep on top of the kitchen and try and keep an eye on ds1. It does get easier once they get a little older - I remember 15 months and they are into everything and need supervision. The good thing about when they are a bit older is that they can help you. I try and make things a game with ds1, so he helps load the washing machine or tumble drier and can help with the dusting (if I ever get round to dusting!!!!)

Motivation to go out: are there any other mums near you, or a toddler group you could nip along to? I do find that if you put a couple of similar age little ones together, at least the mums can have some adult conversation and a cuppa, whilst still keeping an eye on play activities. Mind you, sometimes a trip to Sainsburys can be the highlight of your day, it really can! With a newborn, I've got into the mindset that its just easier to stay indoors at the moment and I think that just makes it harder.

Cooking dinner: not sussed this one very well - tend to live on either casserole, shepherds pie, pasta, cauli cheese or something that can be thrown together in a matter of minutes or prepared in advance. Good thing there is ds1 can usually eat what we do and if I manage to prepare enough, then this does more than 1 meal. Failing that, I've got a comprehensive list of the local takeaways if desperation sets in.

Blimey, that was a bit of a brain dump

Not much help I'm afraid, but rest assured you are not alone!

Lynsey - I work p/t but am at home 4 days out of 7 with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old and I know exactly where you are coming from. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself either.

I don't have any tips for you - loading/unloading the dishwasher and washer and maybe hoovering are aobut the limits when the kids are around. The rest has to wait until the w/end or evenings. I haven't got the hang of cooking tea yet either - very odd occassions I manange something. My 2 just will not let me get on, though the 3 yr old is slightly better.

Sometimes when I go to others houses I wonder how they do it - so neat. I have an ironing mountain threatening t take over the world.

I do get out the house a lot though - I find it easier to be honest than staying in. Toddler groups, friends with kids, soft play.

Try not to be so hard on yourself...I would put the emphasis on getting out the house rather than trying to clean it or make tea.........that can wait till you are feeling better.

lyndsey66

you have all my sympathy, but not a lot in terms of tips I'm afraid.
I got a cleaner as soon as dd was born as I ahve enver been able to do much with her around until she was about 2, at this age she started playing by herself for a short time, which would give me time to do a few cits here and there. You might give your child crayons and let him draw while you cook to keep him busy.

Another life saviour is TV (very bad, but most mums I know use it to have a couple of breaks during the day). I don't if your DS is already into it, but you can let him watch a video or a short cartoon while you get on with the cooking or housework.

The only thing I always managed to do was to go out, at least I didn't see all the mess, and us being out meant less mess was created.
Before I started making some friends I was at our local Sainsbury's everyday!! It was more an excuse than a need to go, but it got us out.

I also pu DD at nursery for a couple of mornings a week when she was 14 months(expensive options, but youc ould also try a childminder) so that I could do all the things that I couldn't do with her around, or boring things like going to the bank or supermarket so that I would be free to play with her in the afternoon.

She has always been a very demanding baby, I was always unable to leave her for even a few seconds, so at some point the nursery became a necessity more than a luxury. (bear in mind I basically do all the childcare myself as dh works an average of 15 hours a day but at least I don't have to cook him dinner and if he comes home last minute, we get a takeaway..thank goodness he's not fussy!!).

Not sure if I've been of any help, but things will improve quite soon, it'll get easier I promise you!!

L66

Don't be too hard on yourself. I find it difficult too as, as soon as I tidy up, mess just reappears. My best tip is to set yourself a particular task each day such as bathrooms or floors etc, and then do stuff like washing in between. It is surprising how quickly you can make a difference sometimes and you do feel better for having done it. It doesn't have to be thorough job each time and anyone coming to a toddler's home should realistically expect some mess (imho).If you break it down then your ds won't be without your attention for too long and then you can do something enjoyable together afterwards. If you are really brave he could "help" you (ds used to pair the socks and sort the laundry with me). Take advantage of his naps too to do some of the things you can't when he is around - dd is now unreliable at napping so ironing in the daytime has gone for now.

I don't know if you are active with your ds outside the house but you might find doing one or two things regularly would help you regain some sense of structure to your week.

hth

Hi L66,
I'm a mother of twin boys now aged 5, but I can well remember the stage your at !!!
IMO the most important thing is to get you & DS dressed and clear off out. Perhaps just do a little bit of tidying, or put some washing in before you go out.
The house stays much cleaner without you or DS in it, you tend to feal brighter and DS is more easily amused.
Perhaps, visit others and mess up their house instead !!!