Two of my nieces are adopted, at a young age, my BIL and SIL were , naturally enough , very protective of them when they first arrived in to our family. At ages 2 and 3. They will be 10 and 9 this year.
They worried that if they got bruised or marked it would not look good to the social services and wanted to make sure that they were good parents. So they worked hard to stop normal childhood bumps and bruises.
However as time has gone on this over protectiveness has not decressed over the years.
Because SIl had a physical problems she couldnt run after the children, so they learnt to stay close to her when outside.
Which is fair enough.
They also used a pushchair , so that SIL could hold on to it when taking the children to school.
But I suspect that the children rode in it quite often.
They were also very worried that they would be snatched away by their birth parents, so clung tightly to their hands all the time when outside the home.
Tragically we lost our SIL a while ago, and of course the impact has been terrible.
Its natural for a father who's only reason to carry on is his children, to work hard to keep them safe.
There are many issues of great concern with the children, educational, and emotional, and these are being worked on at school, and other experts supporting them as a family.
So perhaps this is why I cant bring myself to mention that perhaps he steps back and let the children get on and play.
BIl still holds on to the childrens chests to stop them going down a slide too quickly at the park.
The older child cant ride a scooter, and can barely ride a bike with stabalizers, (SP?) and even when she climbs a ladder , her movements remind me of a 2-3 yr old.
The pushchair is still in the house, but I am hoping that the children play with it, rather than use it !! if you know what I mean!
BIL begs them not to run in case they fall over and hurt their knees.
He stops them from climbing high, and obviously worries and frets.
I am really hoping that this will change as the family adjust as time goes one, and its good that he does have swiming lessons and majorettes for them.
Food is of course a major battleground, and they have more of less complete control of him.
If they refuse to eat lunch before going out, they know he will have a big bag of goodies to give them, he firmly believes that they would starve if he didnt do this.
But he cant understand that they have no need to change their behaviour if they know that a bag of high sugar /fat snacks are always going to be offered.
He has gone on lots of parenting courses, and is the most patient of fathers, and in many ways a better parent than both of us!
I will bite my lip and will only offer advice is asked, but I worry over the mental effects of this attitude.
If falling over is seen as a disaster , how will these children cope when older??