Struggling to cope

[RandomUsername]

I didnt know where to post this, so apologies if its in the wrong place.

I have 2 kids, a 4 year old and a 4 month old, and i am struggling to cope.

I feel useless for it, but today ive just reached breaking point. My youngest is a very clingy baby, the second i put him down he starts crying and is relentless, i cant get anything done in the house, as soon as i pick him up he's fine, put him down again and he's screaming blue murder.

My oldest wont do a thing he's told, if i tell him off he screams ''NO'' and tries to hit me, he wont go to the toilet, he's dry (mostly) through the day, but will not go for a poo, he has an accident daily, sometimes more than once.

My partner works and i stay at home. Today, after having the baby screaming literally all day and oldest having accidents, partner came home and was like ''whats going on?'' at this point i broke down, started crying and telling him i couldnt cope, just needed to get it all out really, and he turns to me and says ''its not the end of the world, he's a baby of course he's going to cry, i have to go to work every day, do this that and the other blah blah blah''

So rather than just telling me it'll be ok, he turns it round to how hard HIS life is, i know how ''hard'' his life is at work, i used to work with him!! And i know he spends most of his time reading the paper, going for a fag and mucking about with his collegues.

I tell him i feel like nobody cares, my family dont bother with me, me and my mum dont speak, his family couldnt give a monkeys, i feel alone and like nobody cares.

then he starts getting mad, asking me ''well what do you want me to do???'' (erm, how about fucking listen to me?? Just let me have a cry and a moan?) So, i start getting mad, and he storms out the house!

Now i feel stupid, like i should just bottle it all up and say nothing, like it maybe isnt a real problem and im overreacting, but it stresses me out, and i feel like nobody cares.

Sorry for the long post, just needed to get it off my chest, im happy most of the time but the last few days have been hell

that sounds crap, don't have a lot of advice really but i think it will get easier with time. just keep focusing on when they are both a bit bigger and will enteratin each other and you can sit with your feet up and cup of tea in peace!!

your partner should be giving u sympathy and support but if not, are there any friends u could turn to more? sometimes if partner doesnt give the support you need, you can atleast get it somewhere else just enough to give you a bit of a boost

i guess your 4 year old must be on school holidays now? do you take them out much, sometimes everything is just easier out the house. when you are at home and one is screaming, another one is mucking about, it does get a bit depressing.

if you have a childrens centre near you could be worth taking them there to be a bit of a break for you (if the centre is any good)evenif most of the children are a bit younger than ur 4 yr old. i still go with my 4 yr old and younger ones and the 4 yr old tends to be the oldest one but he does find stuff to do there still.

if your baby is clingy is he alright in buggy? or if not then a sling? then u could go out doing activities focused more on the older one, but little one would be fairly happy just tagging along as hes still nearby to you or being pushed in buggy?

hope things start to go better for you for the rest of the holidays

Hi Random,

I have 2 with the same age gap and I know how hard it is. Just posted actually myself, tho am back to work from maternity leave in September so starting to see an end to it.

DD is wilful in the extreme and demands every minute to a background of constant bawling from DS!

I would rather be a work some days with grown up issues quite frankly. And that's with a bloody stressful job too. At least you can drink a full cuppa :-)

YANBU IMO!

Pop baby in a sling and get out of he house both am and pm with break at home in between. Screaming sounds better outside

Thanks for your replies.

Yes my oldest is off school for summer now, im sure he's bored already, and the weather has been AWFUL where we are (and yet everywhere else has had sunshine?)

I have 2 good friends, but both work full time and dont live near me, i dont really see much of them, i know i could call them but i just feel stupid admitting that i cant cope, i mean some people have 5 kids and do fine, yet i struggle with 2, whats wrong with me?

Baby will only sit in the pram and not cry if the pram is moving, he'll fall asleep after about 20 mins, when the weather gets a bit better i can take him and oldest to the park and he will probably fall asleep by the time we get there, meaning i can play with oldest.

There isnt really much else around here, i live in a small town in the countryside, i cant drive and buses are only every hour - getting on one with a pram and a toddler is a nightmare, so im feeling a bit isolated too i guess.

Tomorrow i might just get the bus anyway and take them out for a couple of hours

I feel a bit better now, getting it wrote down. Thank you so much for listening (or reading even)

Thanks - will have to look into getting a sling, then at least he will be close and i can maybe get stuff done.

Have 14 month gap here

We go to the park rain or shine
If you can get a sling then you and baby will be dry under umbrella and get eldest waterproofs and mini umbrella. Also means you can wander around with baby attached whilst chatting to eldest at park and def makes bus travel easier
I would recommend looking at sling threads.
You can also breastfeed or bottle feed baby in sling so can do on the move easier.

Can you go for walks in the country where you are? I found the more excercise oldest got the easier at home as had been out previously. Bug hunt? Nature rame? Find 5 things beginning with b or something.