Why cant I do this stay at home stuff

[Barney10]

The summer holidays loom large with DD(4) and DS(5mths). Had planned a lovely day today; dog walk in the morning, swimming this afternoon, which DD was really lookoinf forward to. She gets up too early wanting to play- a regular thing- and by the time we are all up and dressed has a spectacular tantrum resulting on me placing her on time out. She refuses to stay put so after much too-ing and fro-ing and DS balling his eyes out too, put her upstairs. She eventually calms down and apologises but take her down a notch on her reward chart and abandon swimming idea.

She seems to have fully recovered now but I just feel bloody miserable. I used to spend the holidays travelling and enjoying my social life. Haven't seen anyone for over a month now and spending my days feeling like an overweight, dumpy lump pushing a pram. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognise myself anymore. Shifting the weight or getting fit seems an insurmountable task even tho I know it would helps mood and energy levels.

How do people actually enjoy this without feeling like a slave to everyone else's needs? Can't even pick up a book these days!

Sorry, whine over. I think its just I haven't anyone to unload on! Tomorrow's another day.akes me even sadder that I'm looking forward to September and going back to work, as soon as there I'll wish I had the time back!!

I think the key is get out of the house. Go anywhere, park, swimming, a walk, activities at the library, just so you are out, not stuck indoors, feeling miserable.

Can you set a certain time dd can get up, before that time she has to stay in her room and play quietly?

Little babies are demanding and 4yos are often v argumentative/disagreeable so no wonder you're finding it challenging.

I think maybe try to plan the days in a way that would be nice for you. I mean, your life has to revolve round the children anyway so don't up that side of it by cancelling plans because of tantrums. If you want to go swimming, go swimming. If you need a walk & coffee, drag her along. Little snippets of nice each day work wonders.

Hope tomorrow's better for you

Count down the days until September and leave the SAHM thing to people who seem to like it.

Thanks Tantrums, but we've tried everything. She's been a 5 am waked since 1.5. I'm a morning person but it makes tha day so long! By 10.30 we all need lunch!

We get out and about at least twice a day but you're right, punishments are meant for her not me! We do seem to have a love/ hate relationship at the minute and we used to be so close:-(.

Tbh I'm not the SAHM type either.
I accept that, go off to work and enjoy the time we do spend together.

Before I start: my post might sound harsh but I don't mean it to be.

I think the key to this whole thing is the 5am start. You are knackered so have no energy to play. She is knackered and cannot behave.

A 4 year old child is old enough to understand that they cannot leave their room and must play quietly until 7 o'clock / whatever time you want to wake up. Assuming she is going to bed at a normal time and you have done the usual dark quiet room stuff blah blah.

My 4 year old can see 7 o'clock on a normal watch, otherwise you programme a digital alarm clock for 7 o'clock.

You tell her that if she gets up before that time and gets out of the room you will put her back in her room without talking and she gets a consequence, whatever that is in your house, star off the star chart or whatever. Then you follow that through the next morning and the next 10 morningswithout wimping out.

It's short time massive hassle for long term gain, I promise you.

'A 4 year old child is old enough to understand that they cannot leave their room and must play quietly until 7 o'clock'

I have to say that we only manage this sometimes with ds, and he's 8...

Nothing to stop you having substantial 'middle mornings' at 10.30 and then a normal light lunch?

OP, I don't think you are bad at being an SAHP, I think you have two young children. Some days are just going to be crap, and there will rarely be a day when everything goes right.

Could you just ignore tantrums instead of getting into a massive exhausting cycle of management? I feel as if the one great plus of tantrums at home is that you don't have to do anything about them you just ignore and keep saying to the baby 'Hope dd feels better soon so she can play with us' and carry on making ketchup moustaches on each other or whatever, or doing sign language if that's all you can manage through the screaming. Then when she's calmed down (eventually), then carry on with your plans as if nothing has happened?

It's so hot too. Hope both kids are sitting in a sink full of water on a regular basis. And hope you are keeping some beer wet flannels in the fridge for your own face. You sound like a lovely mum.

I get through things with strict planning and routine . I have children who are 7,5,3,2 and 5 months and tbh if i DONT plan i feel very outnumbered and things just seem much more stressful.
I always make sure that the day starts at 8 am. Thats the time the children get up - i would have a fit if one woke up at 5 but i have no idea how to fix this i think my children are natural late wakers!. I have a list in my ipad ready to follow the next day - it NEVER goes totsally to plan but its a start.
I also have traffic lights on the wall which i copied from the school :).

No possibility of PND? You do sound very very low - would it be worth a chat with your GP?

SAHM-dom is relentlessly hard and while some women take to it like a duck to water, others really struggle - and it's absolutely no reflection on your ability to be a good parent if, actually, you'd be happier being back at work. September will come along soon enough - in the meantime get out as often as you can and pick your battles.

Actually, someone else mentioned that perhaps ignoring tantrums might be better. We've faced some pretty challenging behaviour from DD since she turned 4 and I guess we're just concerned that if we don't nip it in the bud now she'll end up a badly behaved teenager not doing anything she's told. Having said that, there aren't many sanctions that seem to work with her at the minute!

The early mornings just DO make such a difference, you're right. We started off being really strict until someone said 'I never stopped our dcs coming into bed so they know they can now and so they don't ' iyswim? Such confusing advice! As I've previously said- I feel like I've lived a thousand years by 3 o'clock and very short of temper. Poor DD :-(

That is such good advice about organising your day. I've started to have a diary and organise the day into rough time slots which really helps.

Thanks everyone. We seem to be in better fettle today with the promise of a swim this afternoon so, so far, so good :-)

Just because her day starts at 5am doesn't mean yours has to

You can't control when they wake but you can control how you respond to it and at the end of the day she is 4.

Ds2 is an early waker but it is from 6am, on a weekday this is ok, because Dh is up at 6am and heads off to the gym at 6.30 and both my two are in school so breakfast is at 7am.

So, Saturday is the only day Dh and I don't have to be up early (we go swimming early on a Sunday) and we have a rule that Ds2 cannot come into our room until 7am.

In the past he has tested this rule by coming in at 6.20am etc and I have simply not engaged in conversation but told him it is too early and go back to your room or just returned him back to his room. He has lots of things to play with in his room so he can't use the boredom excuse.

It is hard work when you have a baby and another child to deal with, and having a rough idea of how you will spend the day helps. I am a SAHM so have lived this for the past 8 years