Feel so sad for DD8 - friendship trouble

[OhWhatNoooow]

Tonight, my DD8 was acting up, being bolshy etc.. Abit later, I found her on her bed crying where she told me she feels so lonely in school, she always has bad days and all the girls are mean to her. We live in a different area to most of the other girls, so on sundays they tend to get together more often and on monday at school, they talk about everything they did together. DD then feels left out and lonely. They also dont let her play with them most of the time.

My DH and I are not outgoing social types so maybe she is more like us, but I cant help feeling like I've gone really wrong somewhere..

Do you teach your kids how to make and keep friends or does it just come naturally to them?

My DD is a sweet girl, can be quiet though, but friendly. I dont see why one wouldnt want to be her friend.

Is it a reflection on my parenting all this?

I don't think it's any reflection on parenting, more that children can be very mean to each other if they are allowed to be. Deal with school first. If your DD is being ostracised or isolated in the playground, excluded from games etc., then take it up with the teacher as a very serious matter because it is a form of bullying. Tell the teacher what your DD said and how upset she has been. They should have strategies and you can insist on action

Outside school - and concious that the holidays are here - you can get DD to invite children round to play or all meet up to go swimming etc., but you can't force children to get along. My solution was to involve DS in other activities that weren't directly school-related. The local cubs, for example. He made different friends there so wasn't as bothered about the school crowd.

Good advice from Cogito.

This is upsetting for you and DD but I'm sure it can get sorted. Like cogito said you must have a word with school as soon as possible, just tell them exactly how it is and that you want someone to keep an eye on things and take steps to sort out any exclusion.

Is there anyone near home for here, either from school or not? I have always had the same problem with my children, there is virtually no one around where we live for them so they rely on each other all the time. If nothing else I thinks it makes them resiliant ( I try and get something positive out of everything - not always easy though ) and another lesson to teach them when they are being treated in a mean way by others is 'well you know it's not pleasant so you would not behave like them.' Think of it as a life lesson I suppose and the fact they have to learn the tough shit that life throws out, sorry I hope I am not sounding unsympathetic here!!

I would also try any local activities there is if possible, I know it sometimes feels like spending money all the time. Mine have joined a local karate group on a Saturday and it has been a godsend. you'll feel better once you have had a word with school. As regards DD I would let her know you are listening and taking it seriously without making a big fuss as she may only worry more.
Let her know you are always there to for problems and to talk. Good luck.