is your working partner home in time for dinner with the chlldren or at least to put them to bed?

[groundhog101]

I have two children 4 and 3 and normally they go to bed around 7pm. Every night during the week i get thm to bed. I am with one of them all day (will both be out in the mornings by august). Got both of them all day this week and was dreading it. I am tired by 6pm so by 8pm I am fuming that they are not asleep. it is not their fault - it is mine and my anger is really for my husband who never comes home in the evening before they go to bed and he does not see tht he should. Being in the office is always more important than putting them to bed or having a meal together in the week. He always tells me it is a busy spell but it is always busy. maybe it is macho crap about not being the first one to leave but many of the people he works with do not have children.

With no family anywhere near it is me 5 days a week every week and i resent it. i really do not know how single parents do things well. I have shouted tonight a the children so clearly i am not doing well.

Clearly i am being unreasonable towards the children and shouting them is wrong but should i expect my husband to manage at least one night a week to ome home earlier and how generally do i stop feeling so fed up?

OP - I know how tough it can be with two little ones and no family help around (i'm overseas and have been since my eldest was born). Also have a DH who works very hard (in paid employment, as do I as a SAHM!). Because evenings are usually my department, what we do is make sure that he does a lot of the breakfast stuff, getting them dressed and things before he leaves.

We all eat together at weekends and because both of us need our own space from time to time, maybe once a month or so we take it in turns for a day off where one takes care of the children and the other can do whatever - even if it's just in my case sloping off for a few hours to have an uninterrupted coffee and read a magazine!

My daughter izn't the best of sleepers, putting it mildly, and I do get very tired quickly. previously, I would have been snappy and grumpy with everyone, now usually I make sure I drink plenty of water and avoid quick fix food that makes me feel worse (refined sugar etc.). Having said that, I love baking and so does my son, so we do something like bake a cake together each week. it's lovely on rainy days when getting out is more tricky.

Youd DH needs to shoulder more of the physical care of his children and take some of the weight off yours, or nobody is going to be happy.

I think it's all about context, are you comparing yourself to people you know where their DH works less during the week?

Not that it's really helpful to you, my DH has worked 7 days a week for the past yr and that will continue for another yr. That's full time hrs, 7 days a week, no time together at the weekend unless it's after 5/6 pm. Our DC are 4yrs and 14 months. Prior to that, he was working away 5 days a week.

What stands out for me in your situation is 1) you have the weekend as a family, 2) you have time to yourself when they resume Kindergarten. If I were in your position, I'd be over the moon, ecstatic. You need to look at the positives, if you don't enjoy being at home, is it possible to go back to work? Why don't you take up something when they both start at Kindergarten, the gym or a new interest. Don't feel guilty if you need time to yourself at weekends, I'm sure your DH has a lunchbreak or a commute where he has time to himself during the week.

And one last point... wine and cake! Be kind to yourself.

It sounds like you feel unsupported by your DH. You need to have a proper talk about how your family lives are organised and what you expect of each other. It needs to be a calm, rational talk and not a row (easier said than done, I know).

I have 3 DCs 8, 6 and 3. DH leaves the house at 7.30 - 8.00 and comes home after 8 or 9 and often very late as there are lots of evening events. That means I do everything all day 5 days a week.

What works for me. I promise it gets easier when they start nursery and school. My mantra is: it's not for ever, it will only be like this for a few years, then it will change again. DC's have a set bed time and I enforce it. The evening is my time. On weekends, DH is a hands on dad. He takes DCs swimming so they get some dad time. I take that time as mine and well-deserved. We try to do something as a family once on the weekend and eat all our meals together.

Do you feel appreciated? Is there anyway you could go away for the weekend and let DH look after the DCs just so he gets an idea of the emotional and physical tiredness small children bring with them?

Another thing is do you enjoy time on your own? I'm a reader and sometimes get cross when DH comes home unexpectedly early because then I have to talk to him! If not, could you get a babysitter so you can go out and do something you enjoy doing once a week.

mine walks in.... asks for his dinner...
never puts little on to bed...now she is so used to me that if daddy does it ...she wants mummy....its really frustrating...hubby loves kissing her cuddling her but wont play or read to her unless i moan ...and im 8 monhts pregnant now ....