3.5 years old difficult behaviour

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Hi. I feel I am losing connection with my DS1... Whenever I am in playgrounds or at home and call him - he says no or trying to run away because he knows I am going to ask him sth he does not want ( like wash your hands etc...) why is he ignoring me?

Hi musicmusic. My DS is about the same age and has VERY selective hearing and an ability to completely ignore me if I ask him to do anything he doesn't want to or stop doing something he shouldn't be doing! It drives me nuts sometimes because I have to repeat everything 50 times and it makes me more and more annoyed.

I think at this age this behaviour is very typical, and though it can seem like they're pushing you away, they aren't. They're just trying to test their boundaries and be more independent. I think we really have to try and remember that they're being normal little boys. I've also found it difficult to accept that my son is his own little person with his own opinions and stubborness and not a baby any more.

Hope this helps a little.

He's just testing the boundaries. Seeing how far he can push it. They all do it to a greater or lesser extent. Pick your battles so that you're not constantly stressed and develop some strategies for making the important things happen. You'll need to match words, actions and body-language to be taken seriously so work on your method acting. Washing hands is a direct order - so no discussion - and you may have to physically reinfoce it e.g. holding hands in water. Running off in playgrounds is a perennial. Try telling him you're leaving in 3... 2.... 1.... and start to leave. Few children want to be abandoned. :)

Totally normal behaviour. I no longer 'ask' my DC i simply tell them eg 'it is time to wash your hands now, we wash our hands before we eat' IUSWIM

The other thing i do (RL friend gave me this tip, i think it works) is to give time warnings - eg, we will be leaving the park in 10 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 1 minute. I find this helps with mine.

Glad I found this thread, DS a little younger (3) but same stage, kick started by baby sister I think.

I feel the same way + baby sister guilt.

Marking my place...

I'm finding this with my 3 and a half yr old at the moment, and agree with the others that it's typical behaviour for his age and stage of development.
I have worked in early years and child care for a long time and strategies I have found that work are TRY to stay calm, make sure I have his full attention when I speak to him, and on occasion I've even got him to repeat it back. As a last resort we also do a warning count up - warn him what the consequence will be and then count from 1-5, but he is usually shifting his backside by the time I get to 4!!

Oh and praise when he does it!!!

In terms of consequences - I say I will put him on stairs, I will leave the playground etc - constantly threat, threat, threat. today I was just furious and put him upstairs in the bedroom and I said that I will put a latch on the door so that he stays there for 1 minute - for some reason these threats work a bit - I can see he responds a bit better to my requests/ commands? What sort of punishments do you use? I can see that he learns boundaries by knowing what the consequences are...

As well as the good answers you have here, I would start calling him back to you for something nice as well as a request to do something. So call him back, give him a big cuddle, let him go again. Do it a lot, as many times as you can and just randomly give out nice things like kisses and cuddles.

Then when you call him back for something you need, he'll listen becuase he will know something nice is going to happen. So cuddle/kiss then say "right let's go and wash your hands now" Cuddle/kiss "right, 10minutes until we leave" Kiss/cuddle "ok 5 mins until we leave"

(I hope that makes sense, I'm very tired at the moment)