11yo has been given a mobile phone

[WeeDom]

Mrs. Ex has given DD a mobile phone. I have no problem with this, per se, but I feel I need to set some boundaries. I object, for instance, to getting a text saying "u gon answer me" when I didn't respond immediately to something.

My initial thoughts are to tell her to text me if it's important, and to make sure that texts are in English - not txt spk! - with appropriate punctuation and spelling. I don't want my daughter communicating with me on the same level as she communicates with her playground friends.

I don't know anything about the phone, yet, so don't know about its internet capabilities etc. I've a Contact visit shortly, I'll take care of that aspect when I get a feel for what the thing can actually do. I'm fully aware of the dangers of unfettered internet access, as is Mrs. Ex (one of the few things we still agree on!!)

So - what's other peoples experience? How have you dealt with this scenario?

I wouldn't bother bringing up the fact that you dd uses txt speak whilst texting, and making her use appropriate punctuation and spelling, really? You only get so many letters in a text, the reason why text speak came into existence if im not mistaken.

Ds 11 has a phone, with access to the internet. But he has a pc which is much more easier to use on the net, so the only thing he uses his phone for is playing games and watching you tube videos. Same rules apply on his phone as his pc. Ds isnt that bothered about his phone/pc and i regularly check his messages/facebook/history.

tbh, if you don't see each other that often, I wouldn't pull her up on her grammar and pronuniciation.

Be glad she communicates and nurture the relationship, not the apostrophes.

Unless of course your relationship is such that you can do it jovially. Genuinely.

There's no harm in her learning different communication methods for different people.

Be glad she communicates and nurture the relationship, not the apostrophes. - nicely put! brilliant! :)

Yes, I think I could bring it up jovially. I do feel that it's important that she communicates with me in a different manner than she does with her friends. Certainly at this age.

I don't mind rofl and lol-ing with her. It's things like "u gon answer" that I think just push the line a little.

Dunno - I don't expect there's a one-size fits all easy answer

Oh, that's a good idea. Tell her to only text you if it's important. Oh, and correct her spelling and grammar. That'll do wonders for your rlqtionship!

rlqtionship. Brilliant.

seeker - she's such a good writer. She's way ahead of her class in English. She knows all the grammar etc, probably better than I do!

So lazy texting/IM'ing strikes me as just that - lazy. And not appropriate when communicating with your father. It just seems a bit disrespectful, when I know she can do much, much better.

I do, though, take someones point further upthread about txt spk coming about as a means to shave characters without losing meaning. So I may have to bend on this.

re texting if it's important - love my daughter as I do, she's got a tendency to blabber (that's probably something I love about her, really) but at this age I don't think it's a good thing for her to be able to text me about every little thing that pops into her head, and then perhaps be disappointed when I don't reply immediately. If we establish, now, what, and in what manner, and 11yo can text her father, then it's settled.

Maybe. :)

No really, she wants to blather to you. You can't tell her to limit it. She wants to tell you stuff.

You can tell her you can't always respond immediately because of work etc but don't tell her to stop talking to you.

Well, making a typo obviously means I know nothing. But I would be very careful if I were you. Think yourself lucky that she's happy to communicate with you. Explain that you can't always reply straight away, but you love getting her texts. Or I promise you, the texts will dwindle and eventually you will realise that you aren't getting any. And there will be nothing you can do about it.

I remember hearing someone- can't remember who- talking about writing home from boarding school, and his father correcting his letters and sending them back.

Glad to see that this attitude hasn't died. Made the British Empire what it is today.

mmm.

Yes, I see what you're saying. Both of you. You're right.

Thank you. I shall let her blether away :) But I might have to insist on at least a resemblance to English, or a nod to grammar.

but seeker - really, was there any need for the nastiness and vitriol? I was merely seeking a bit of advice.

Please don't.
You have a dd who wants to communicate with you regularly. They use texts in a different way from the way we might, and, although I'm not going to join in, as long as I can understand what my dcs are saying, that's fine - they know that they don't write that way elsewhere.
I think if you are getting her a contract, then they end up with 5000 texts a month anyway, so it's not going to take her over her limit and get her into debt if she texts you several times a day.
Just explain to her that you have other things to do and won't always be able to even read her texts when she sends them, let alone reply, so she may have to wait until later for an answer from you.

I don't know what Mrs Ex has set up. It's probably none of my business, how she chooses to run the account.

But yes - I'm taking the advice given here. I was running the risk of being too "Victorian Dad" over the thing. Which is why I asked for peoples advice and opinions.

She'll have to understand that I can't always respond immediately. Chances are she won't be texting during working hours, anyway, since she'll be at school.

Chances are she won't be texting during working hours, anyway, since she'll be at school. She might give it a go, loads of the kids I teach seem to think it's ok to text during my lessons as long as it's to a parent . They don't think that for long :) She may very well text during break and lunch times though.

Explaining that she won't always get a reply straight away seems like a good idea. I would try to read/reply to her texts in the evenings though (or when you aren't at work)

I would give up on the idea of proper English though, as long as you can tell what she's trying to say that's about as much as you're likely to get. My 12 yo can write beautifully but takes forever to type it out on a phone so I get txt spk that I can barely understand. It infuriates me but I grit my teeth and accept it as anything else just makes her think I'm even more of a dinosaur than she already believes.

You know op, your own posts aren't grammatically perfect.

@GoodButNotOutstanding: yes, all very true. I'm entering new territory here, and will have to learn and adapt as I go along.

@LucieMay: I know :) hence my comment earlier about dd knowing better than me. My only excuse is my laptop keyboard/trackpad, which constantly makes my typing move to some random place within this textfield. I'm having to go back and correct things like "constsomnaly", which distracts my attention ...

bah - I've even bored myself with excuses now. No, I'm not perfect at grammar :) that doesn't mean I shouldn't expect my daughters to try for perfection :)

I wouldn't be bothered about the grammar and text speak - well, no, I would actually be bothered but I could probably overlook it in the interest of the relationship.

However...I wouldn't tolerate "u gon answer me" or even "Are you going to answer me?" if I had not replied immediately. To me, that is a disrespectful way to speak to a parent or adult, and I would call my DD or my DSCs up on it if they spoke that way to me, whether aloud or in writing.

Now, I don't know the circumstances/quality of your relationship with your DD. You do. But I don't think a word to her about speaking to you with more respect is such a bad thing.

Vitriol??

Just say that you don't get a lot of txt spk (being an old fogey) and that it'll really help you if she uses something closer to standard English.

One hopes that she will be receptive to such a plea to her better nature.

And of course it is in her long term interests to learn to select rapidly and effectively the appropriate style of language for any particular interlocutor.

Why doesn't she just ring you instead? If she's concerned with credit then you could get her on the '68700' service and she'll be able to call you without using up her credit which she'll probably prefer to use up texting her mates. That way, you definitely know she can call you even when she has no credit.