Girls Friendships -Advice Please!

[smudge74]

My dd1 is 5 and a half and approaching YR1.

She is one of a group of 4 good friends that hang out together but is probably the weakest of the 4 characters. She says that none of them want to play when its her turn to choose or none of them want to pay her role play games.

One of these 4 girls seems to be the kind of girl that they all fawn over and dd1 is especially guilty of this. She thinks this girl is the bees knees, follows her around and probably irritates her I imagine! Sometimes hear her making songs up to herself about how fantastic this girl is. It just doesn't seem healthy and boarders on obsession at times!

The 4 girls will be in the same class together next year. I do encourage play dates with a wider range of friends but does anyone have any ideas on how I can help her to feel stronger or any resources?
Also how can I explain to her that it?s a bad idea to fawn idealise someone that way?

Advice/ ideas gratefully received!

The girl she fawns over has started to be less than nice to her of late (its not surprising really!)

My older DD also has a crowd of 4 which is dominated by one child in particular. This child wields such power & authority over DD1 that I am often called by her name once DD1 gets home from school. In fact, I am often called by her teacher's name or this best friends name if she's seeking permission for something. I hate it. Once an hour or so has passed, and she's back in her "home" headspace, then I am Mum again.

However, there isn't much to be done overtly.

Keep going with the play dates. Make sure she has one-to-one time with the other girls in that small group. I have had some good and encouraging snippets from other Mums that they also have issues with the lead girl.

DD1 has begun to question some of lead girls actions. I just listen and ask her to reflect on whether she thinks lead girl was right or fair. More often than not, DD1 is beginning to push back.

Having said all that, be prepared for the possibility that your DD is giving as good as she gets in the rough and tumble of the playground. We aren't there, we don't see it. All we can do is encourage a sense of self-worth and solid self-esteem, send them off daily to fight their own battles and be home to help pick them up when it goes wrong. It all part of learning.

Sorry - should have said that DD1 is just finishing Yr 1. She's been with this group since nursery.

From the other perspective, my DD is one of those who other children tend to fawn over! She's a very strong personality and can be quite stroppy at times, but for some reason (I don't say this in a mean way, as obviously I love her to bits!) lots of children want to be her friend.

I think the problem with children like this is that they have the luxury of choice and if someone doesn't want to play with them they always have options, which can make them a little bit big-headed and possibly not as sensitive as they could be to the feelings of others. I try to make DD see that she has to talk to people in a kind way even if they annoy her etc but at 5 she's still learning.

Sounds like you're doing all you can to promote friendships with other girls and she will find her own ways as she grows up.