How to be the perfect SAHM

[Needstotidyup]

Ive quit my job and rather than stress about finding a new job straight away I'm going to be a SAHM? Any tips on how to save money, keep kids entertained and balance watching my soaps housework and play and educational stuff.
I don't want to do a crap job of being mum, but I need some inspiration and role models please.

How old are your kids? SureStart and local library (if you have one) would be one place to start. Get them cooking (nerve-wracking to start with!) - great skill and useful job too. But I'm best on theory not practice because I'm not a SAHM!

One place? Two places!

Marking my place. Just massively reduced my hours at work & need to address the fact I am a domestic & budgetary nightmare Also want to stimulate & encourage DD, nearly 2, for free or near enough. She loves playing outdoors, going for little walks (&being carried home!), the library & our few local museums, so that's a good start!

Starting with the disclaimer that I am most definitely not a perfect sahm!

1)get out of the house every day, go to the park, groups that you like, shops, beach etc and get DCs to run about as much as possible.

2. have some kind of routine each day as ime children respond better to this so, going out times, snack times, nap times are consistent.

3. try to have a rough idea in your head or even on paper of what you are going to do for the week. I find that if I don't have anything planned I go a bit mad!

4. make sure you get some time away from your dc each week, even just a couple of hours to read, see friends etc as otherwise you may feel you are always 'working'.

5. just fit in housework etc around nap times or quiet times. I don't get a chance to watch much television but I sometimes get half an hour of silence to read in which is bliss!

I think that what I've found is to treat it as you would with going to work so make sure you're up and dressed in the mornings (unless ill) and try to have some kind of plan in place for each day.

HTH

Oh, and when all else fails.... Cbeebies is your friend!

Good points above.

Again, I'm not brilliant at sahm-hood, but I have some regular play date days, some groups and some free days so we have options for downtime or day trips depending on what's going on.

I've found involving dd in what I'm doing works better than always doing things 'for her' and trying to stick with regular naps has helped us both :)

I'm pregnant with dc2 and keen to hear from sahms with young babies and toddlers

I think getting dressed each day is a great tip as I tend to get dressed if and when I'm leaving the house.

How many children and what ages makes a difference.

By no means the perfect SAHM here but
for sanity, we have had regular things in place. (I can't do fly by the seat of my pants every day)
We tended to do things in the mornings to get us up and about,
come back for lunch and afternoon nap.
I ALWAYS took nap time as MY time and didn't do jobs in that time.
I saw it as the equivalent as my lunch break
we slotted the boring stuff into time when the boys were awake.
Shop on the same day each week and menu plan.
Make sure you keep up with non mummy friends plan at least 1 evening a month to go out, doesn't have to be expensive, a walk through the woods with friends can be a grown up activity just as much as going to a pub.

I am rambling, there will be other things but you will follow your nose and be totally fine!!!

Not an expert, or perfect in any way, but I became a sahm in january. I found it bloody hard at first, but really enjoy it now.

I found planning something in for every day - seeing friends, library rhyme time, music group, cheap days out etc helped. Also have ds at pre school so that gives some structure to the day. Try to do going out things in the morning and then after lunch we can play, do puzzles etc before we do school run. sometimes dd watches beebies while I have a quick tidy. House is messier now than ever. I think housework is not the purpose of staying home!

It does take getting used to after working, but enjoy it, you won't get this time back. And if it doesn't work for you, you can always go back to work no harm done.

Have fun!

Agree with all the advice above. I have a rough idea of what we are going to do each day, get out as much as you can. We have a small park and take a "picnic" there. I try to combine kid stuff with stuff I like to do, so we go to the library then Starbucks, DS can watch Ben 10 on my phone and I read a magazine. Make an effort to make friends and talk to people. Keep an eye out (netmums is good) for things on in your area. Don't beat yourself up if you resort to the TV! Buy those ready mixed bun/cake kits.

Gin.

I have 3 (now aged 7, 5 & 3) and have been a SAHM for getting on for 4 years (since mid pg with youngest). In that time I would say the things I have learnt are:

(i) plan you diary in the same way as if you were at work - i.e. make sure you have regularly spaced 'meetings' / outings, make sure that you get out of the house on some pretext every single day (preferably with friends, the library is always my fall back, but even Sainsbury's works!); and

(ii) when at home on no account try and actually 'play' with your children - that way madness lies.... do your own stuff and make them do it too - in a fun way, (and obviously you need to allow extra time and expect mess), e.g. cleaning (DS is obsessed with the hoover); cooking (7 yr old DD1 can bake a cake on her own although I take it in & out of oven); washing up (DD1 & DD2 aged 7 & 5 are mistakenly under the impression that this is fun - all the warm water and bubbles - and fight for the pleasure of doing it, not too much stuff has been broken...); gardening... my 3 all have their own mini wheel barrows and gardening tools and we'll be out there attacking weeds and brambles rain or shine - if they are bored, so be it, they can go inside and work out something better to do on their own.

Once I realised that I was not cut out for child centric playing and needed to get on with stuff all our lives became much more fun and much happier.

I would have to completely disagree with Nelly, my life only became tolerable when I gave up on any idea of getting on with stuff and just focused on doing things the dc wanted to do. Otherwise they screamed whilst I tried to get something done and got increasingly frustrated - and they didn't want to get involved. So there is a lot of child centred play and outings here, and very little else. But I'm guessing our children have very different temperaments... I found it very hard being at home with two and have just gone back to work part time so maybe I don't count.

Another non-perfect SAHM mum here.

Lots of good advice on this thread. My main tips are

• plan activities (as others have said) - I try to have 2 things planned for each day (not major things, but just an idea in my head of what we will do - e.g. a playdate and a park trip, or some garden play / trip to the supermarket / some baking / cooking, or even just getting the DCs to follow me round with dusters and help with a bit of housework).
• plan a social life for yourself in the evenings /at weekends, i.e. without children (even if you also see your friends with DCs in tow: it is not the same!)
• meal plan and try to cook in advance and freeze, or have very easy meals, just as you would if you worked. Complicated cooking with small DCs round you feet in the late afternoon is a recipe for disaster.
• keep your children napping for as long as possible. I went back to work after DS1 so wasn't that fussed about whether he napped or not (and he dropped them at bang on 2, so quite early) but now I'm a SAHM it is essential that at least one child has a daytime nap, I'd rather keep DS2 up slightly later in the evening than risk not getting my (sort of, i.e. one less child) break in the middle of the day.

-avoid falling into the trap of becoming the local babysitting service. I was far too willing to help friends out when I first stopped work, but after a while constantly having other people's children to look after becomes annoying (not that I never help out now, but I felt that there was almost an assumption amongst my friends that as I was "just at home all day" one more child for a few hours wouldn't make much difference. It does.).

I'm another one who doesn't really play with the DCs much, but I do try to mumsnet stay in the vicinity of where they are while I get on with my stuff, and involve them in what I'm doing if possible, and every so often we'll all stop to read a book together or something.

Well day one went down the pan. Slept in . But then had civilised breakfast (no tv in background). Then did some chores and got the kids some workbooks out to keep them working over hols. Took pyjamas off at 13:00.
We then went to visit nan spent 30 mins trying to ride their younger cousins bikes (no stabilisers) gave up, went. To tesco bought stationary, crayons and a DVD. Have no £ left until tues now. Bought myself a notebook which will be my mummy bible. I read somewhere good SAHM listen to radio 4 so I did that today (not itv2 for me today)
Plan: use note book to plan meals, shopping lists, days out and jobs that need doing.
Teach kids to ride bike.
Wake up by 8:30 tommorow.

Disclaimer: I am definitely not perfect bearing that in mind my tips would be:
Go out everyday no matter the weather
Have no strict plan or routine, if they wake eating craft do craft if they wanna run round like crazy -coats on and off to the park!
Let them help with the cooking.
Accept that your house is never gonna be immaculate no matter how hard you work.

Good grief woman, if your DC will let you sleep in, SLEEP IN.

:o

I have been a SAHM for almost 8 years, both my two are in school now, bliss.

Younger days, make sure you do housework in front of them, then they understand that you are not at their beck and call in an instant, sometimes they have to wait.

Get them to help, it is a good foundation for the future.

Let them entertain themselves a lot, don't be their entertainer all the time but do spend time one on one with them.

The TV is your friend not the enemy, it is all about quality TV

Open the door to your garden, fresh air, playing with sand, mud, grass is all good especially whilst you relax in the sunshine with a nice cup of tea and a book.

always look for the "what's in it for me angle"

Good luck.

This is great! Thanks all. I worry about trying to play with did all the time and spending a bit of time hanging up the washing etc. And seem to be doing jobs most of nap time instead of getting on with making the quilt I want to finish for her.new resolutions to be had.

Any more good suggestions gratefully received!

In no way perfect here either.

I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old.

For going out check out with a baby and toddler check out playgroups, library sessions basically anywhere your toddler will be entertained whilst you tend to baby.

Soft play is ok if your toddler goes in the younger kids section, but if they are of the age to go in the big jungle gym thing do not attempt with baby unless your older child is at least 4 and they can hold their own against bigger kids, it being holiday time now.

Swimming might be good if there is a shallow pool and toddler or older child is ok in armbands or swimming whilst baby in float ring.

Park trips a favourite with my oldest, scooter trips and jumping in puddles for rainy days all done with baby in the sling.

Be flexible, routine is good but not if it kills you, especially with a baby if you don't get out in the morning try to in the afternoon, makes your life easier if they are tired out.

Agree with when at home letting them play independently.

Make lunch a light affair that is easy to clean up, like sandwiches.

Batch cook and freeze food so that you can have the odd night with no cooking from scratch.

Clean kitchen and wash up after dinner, then you can do breakfast with minimal effort when you are tired.

If they make mess get them to tidy it up (3 year old DD can hoover up mess when pole is detached and wipes the table).

Big basket for toys in shared spaces that they have to tidy toys into periodically and take back to their bedroom. Do this before nap time so that when they are asleep you are not looking at it and you can relax.

Zhen some fab tips there thanks. I think I'm doing ok, we have been to the library, park, swimming. I have taught one of them to ride his bike (no stabilisers) just got to teach older one now.
I have banned the, from tv until evening while the weather is so good. I have also bought loads af crafts bits and pieces for rainy days.

Watching with interest; new SAHM myself and these tips are really good.
Please keep them coming!

I have bought all their stationary from Asda ready for September. This is to help spread the cost.
Baby is now calling everyone Bob. (there is no one called Bob in the family) I feel this advanced vocab must be because I'm a SAHM .
Made homemade pasta sauce today (feeling very smug and domestic goddessy) chopped tomato tin, dried oregano, baked beans and tuna. Kids loved it.
Put the ironing board on the back patio and ironed in the sunshine (probably hotter out in the sun than I would have been indoors, but felt like a very SAHM thing to do)
Sold some stuff on eBay, the money will be used to pay for the baby to go in the crèche at the gym (all the SAHM round here seem to be super fit)
Picked blackberries from garden and put in fridge.. I'll make a crumble soon or forget about them and throw them out whenthey go all horrid.

Agree with loads on this post, especially getting out every day and having a routine.

We do swimming on Monday with a meet up in a park with friends before. Then home for lunch/nap. DS (nearly 2) wakes around 3.30/4 and we have an hour or so of "something" (either a stroll, craft, painting, kicking a ball around, play in garden, do some baking, play cars) before dinner at around 5.30. He goes to bed at 7.30.

Tuesday we normally do an outing with friends to swimming pool, park etc (from about 10-1) then home and as above.

Wed we go to a playgroup from about 10-1, then as above

Thur I keep for just DS and I and we either go to a local park together, or to the shops and a cafe, or swimming or beach, but just the two of us. Back for the same.

Friday we do a music "class" in the morning, then come home via library and food shop. Then repeat as above.

It's a nice week, pretty relaxed, enough for DS to keep interested, but not too much. We normally get up at about 7.30 and leave by about 9.30 so a relaxed morning too. I do housework while he naps and get some done while he's playing, which he helps with (like the washing, putting on dryer, putting stuff away, helping to make the bed etc)

Not sure I would call my self a role model SAHM but I few things I've found helpful are:

Planning your week and a routine is great but I only plan in groups/classes etc for Monday to Wednesday. Thursday and Fridays we keep free to spend a day with family and another to meet up with non local friends.

Annual passes are a great way of keeping things low cost. Find a place that you can see yourself visiting all year round and perhaps invest in a pass. We have one for the local wildlife park and love it. We visit probably 3 times a month, picnic in the bag and have a whale of a time. There's indoor softplay there too so we've even made use of it in the winter months.

See if you have a scrap store locally. They are incredible places with super low cost art and craft supplies. I stock our Art cupboard up once a month and pull this out whenever the weather is a bit rancid to entertain with projects. This also has kept Christmas and Birthdays a bit lower cost. This fathers day, a 4 pack of mini canvases from The Works for £3 and painted with sponges and poster paint. All grandfathers and DH received one and loved it! :)

Find a few blogs of activities for kids. I can't recommend www.theimaginationtree.com enough. Homemade recipes for playdough, salt dough and enough creative actives to fill a year. Most of them practically free or using what's lurking about the house.

Hope this helps and sorry if it's a bit long!