When to have another baby?

[Fcas]

Hi all,
DS is now 11m, I have found myself lately seriously thinking about planning another baby. I'm unsure as DS is still so young and want to enjoy/concentrate on him.

I fell pregnant completly unexpectidly and still feel a young mum at the age of 24. Now I have one, I feel I want to have my children close-ish togethe, So I can travel etc in my 40's and do the thing's I expected to do in my 20's. I told my friend this and the response I got was more or less that I was being selfish! I can see how this may come across to some, but DS was not planned therefore I hadn't done all I wanted to.

So, my question is, is it too soon to plan another? Any advice on experience with siblings close in age?

Thanks :)

Mine are 22mo apart so I must have got pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 13mo.

Personally, I love it. They are so close, really good chums. When DD2 was born I didn't have DD1 in any kind of childcare and we don't have any family close by, so although it was tough at times in terms of not having a break, I still wouldn't change a thing.

THey are best friends now at 4 and 2. I think having a smallish age gap paid off after the first year because they share a lot of common interests - I can take them both to toddler groups/play gym/music type groups without one being far too old or far too young for it.

I would like a third, but I think I'd like a bigger gap this time (would have to be anyway, as DD2 is older now than DD1 was whne she was born). That's mostly because I struggled to lose the bvaby weight after my DC and managed it finally with regular trips to the gym. So I'd like DD2 to be getting her 15 hours a week at nursery when I'm pregnant that time so I can exercise whilst pregnant.

I had my first baby when I was 26; I got pregnant after 9 months of trying. I wanted a tiny age gap between my children. Knowing it had taken a while to conceive DD1, we started trying for DC2, when DD1 was 7mo.

However, it took 2 years to get pregnant second time: DD1 was 2.5yo, so there's a 3.2yr age gap between my girls (DD2 was born April this year )

It's weird how things work out. I don't think I would have coped enjoyed them as much together if I was still potty training and getting through 'the terrible twos' with DD1. I would say that 3 years is a nice gap because your eldest understands so much more, and gets to be the 'big' sibling. It's nice having a child and a baby, rather than 2 babies. I love mothering them in these very different stages of development, yet the gap is small enough for them to grow up together.

If I have any more babies, I think I would plan at least a 3 year, but no more than a 5 year age-gap (as that would mean there'd be 8 years between my eldest an potential 3rd baby).

HTH!

MammaT

Interesting question and one which I would like the answer to myself!
I have a 20 month old and after lots of thought and examination I have decided that I would like closer to 4 years between mine. Mainly because I still find one baby very difficult and I am quite worn out by DS1 who is very very active. I also work full-time as does my DH and I am quite routine orientated and I do like some time to myself each day (if possible) to exercise. So I know throwing a second child into the mix is going to be tough. I would like DS1 at kindergarten by the time DC2 turns up, or at least by the time I return to work after maternity leave.

My DH would like no more than 3 years between them but I know my capabilities and my limits. To be honest, I would probably happily stop at one simply because I fear having a second child and what chaos that will be bring. Did I mention I was routine orientated??

We got pregnant with DS when DD was only nine months, so there's 18m between them (this was for the opposite reason to you, OP, I was knocking 40 and in a hurry!). It's great now they're older (DD 3, DS 1.8) and they play together all the time, but Be Warned - small age gaps when they're very small is really hard work. In fact I think the early months when DS was newborn and DD was 18m or so were the hardest work I've ever done. It's exhausting. But a year or so down the line I wouldn't have done it any differently because the hard patch was short-but-intense and we're currently pg with number 3 .

Our PFB is 4 weeks today and we've already been talking about when to start trying for the next one - I have in my head a 12 - 18month age gap, 24month at most (as much as we have control over it anyway). We haven't decided how many kids exactly we do want, but possibly up to 4, with similar age gaps between each one. But then I'm possibly mad.

We've always wanted a small age gap, my mum only had 18months between all of us where as his mum had a 5 year and then 3 year age gap. In my family we were all into the same things at the same time, so grew up really close. I also need to get back into education and start pursuing my career so am quite eager to get all the family planning over with and out the way so I can get back on track with this.

I know it's harder initially with small age gaps but it's not insurmountable - my mum had a 3 year old, 18 month old and newborn twins at one point and I can only now appreciate how demanding this must have been.
I think the right time is when you feel it is

DD is a year and we're planning to start trying for another in a month or so. Would have already started had it not been for a particular job situation that arose meaning it was best to postpone TTC for a few months.

I know it'll be hard work with a toddler and a newborn, but i hope that it'll pay off later in life when they're close in age and easier to entertain together. Plus I want to get all the career disruption from pregnancy and leave out of the way.

I'm not sure why it'd be selfish to try and have two with a close gap?!

I had mine 23 months apart. Very difficult few years but you soon have your evenings to yourself. I have then had number 3 when DS1 is 9 and ds2 is 7 and it's been great. They help with her and can entertain her while I have a shower/ pop to the loo. I've enjoyed the early months with dd rather than rushing her to become independent as I did with first two. So there are pros and cons for short and long gaps

Needsto you sound just like me - mine were 24months apart and now I would like another one but DS1 is 8 and DS2 is 6 and I'm a bit worried that the gap is too big...but your post makes me feel much better!!

Hmmm, may get busy with that then!!

We have a 22 month gap. I expected it to be really tough but fingers crossed so far it has been fine. Don't get me wrong it's hard work, but I had psyched myself up for it being horrendous and it's (so far, fingers crossed) not as bad as I'd feared.

I am lucky that DD2 is an easy baby.

The hardest bit I feel is that I never get any time to myself DD1 naps for just 45 minutes a day and usually I use that time to give DD2 some attention. Once DD1 is in bed DD2 cluster feeds and hangs out with us till I go to bed at 10/10.30, and she comes to bed with me.

When I look around at other children I'm really pleased with our age gap as I think they will be able to play well together as they grow up. But I'm not looking forward to having two teenage girls!

I think that there are pros and cons to all different age gaps, but definitely don't be put off a small age gap if that's what you want.

2.5 years between mine has worked well for us. It's a bigger gap, by about 6 months, than I was aiming for, but actually I think I have had an easier time than my friends who did have a smaller gap. At 2.5 DS1 was able to be reasonably co-operative about the baby's needs, and I didn't feel that I needed to push him to become more self reliant as he was getting to that stage anyway. By the time DS2 was at a stage where he was ready to do a bit more than just sit in a bouncy chair and watch, DS1 was 3 and had his funded nursery place, so I had a bit of time for DS2. They are quite close, it's still a small enough age gap that they have lots in common.

We have an 8 month old and going to ttc number 2 when dd is around 14 month old, we'd like to have around a 2 year age gap.

Op I don't think you're being selfish at all!

Thank's for the replies! Been super busy, not been on in a while. DS has developed a phobia of his cot? so haven't had much me time on an evening!

All you lovely ladies have made me feel so much better. After speaking with partner, I think we have decided to try for number 2 in the next few months when DS is more settled!

Thank you again! X

I have a 13 month gap between mine - we were trying for over 2 years before I was pregnant with No 1 son, soooo we didn't want too big a gap and I was also 34 when he was born so didn't want to leave it too long, it did however not take very long to become pregnant the 2nd time. So whilst it was not exactly planned it wasn't really unplanned either :)

Anyway, I wont deny it was tough when they were babies and I do have occasional guilty thoughts. However, on the whole it has been good - they are now 12 and almost 11 and are great friends (most of the time) and we never really had the jealousy thing as the eldest can't really remember having us to himself anyway. They like the same things and have a group of mutual friends and despite having their own bedrooms, I would say that they share the same room 80% of the time!!

It makes it easy on days out as they are able to do the same things, same for cinema trips or dvds.

However, I don't know any different and if a big gap is easier or not.

You just have to go with your own instincts.

2.5 yr gap between mine. Perfect for us, dc1 was a walking talking little person when dc2 arrived so it was loads easier. Age gap small enough that they will have similar interests when older. (hopefully)

Another with a 22 month gap that loves it.

Also have a 2.5 year gap between DDs 2&3, which seems fine 3 weeks in.

My eldest 2 SC are about 18m apart and it's a good gap - you do have the toddler/baby combo at the same time (I'm told) which can be hard, but they've been good companions for each other growing up - there is only 1 school year between them.
My DD (age 5) is not likely to have any younger siblings and would dearly love a little brother or sister.
If I'd had the choice to have another I think I'd have gone for a 3/4 year age gap.

Anyone else have an experience of a 3-4 year gap? This is what we are proposing (ideally I would like closer to 4 years rather than 3).