I don't hear my baby anymore

[mermaid101]

I feel so guilty about this. My DD is almost 10 months old. She has been a pretty good sleeper, but has had episodes of waking through the night. She sleeps in her own room, next door to where my husband and I sleep. We have a baby monitor which is down stairs with us in the evening and then we bring it into our room when we go to bed. I usually go to bed a couple of hours before my DH.

The last few nights he has said she has cried a bit at night. Usually I always heard her whether or not the monitor was near me. However, the last few nights he has said she has cried and he has got up to her, and I didn't hear a thing.

Is this normal? When she was first born, I thought I had developed super sonic hearing and was aware of every noise from her. Has this deserted me? my Dh is not bothered about it (for now!), but I feel really worried. It makes me feel like a really bad mother. Has this happened to anyone else? Am I being silly?

Perhaps he's a lighter sleeper, or is getting up at the very first peep and therefore not giving you the chance to wake up!

If she settles for him then it shouldn't be a problem, if he wants to share the night wakings he can always give you a sharp elbow to the ribs to get you up

I'm the same - dh is a really light sleeper, so has the monitor turned right down, i could sleep through most things. But, I do hear dd if her cry seems distressed. I think some babies cry out in their sleep. DD uses to cry out, I by the time we'd got to her room, she'd stop and be asleep again. I think i jusy learned to tune out those cries, where dh could.hear everything.

Or maybe you really need sleep and you're brain.is letting you catch up as you know your dd is safe as your dh will check on her.

Thanks for the replies! It's funny because up until now my DH has been such a heavy sleeper. I used to be completely amazed when he used to tell me he didn't hear a thing when she had been crying at night. Now the roles have reversed.
I'm going back to work full time next month and he is going to be working part time and caring for DD. Could I be subconsciously detaching from my DD? I know it seems like a very minor problem but I'm quite surprised at how upset I feel about it. If someone had told me a few months ago this would happen, I would have thought - result!! and been delighted at the thought of unbroken nights sleep.

I'm over thinking this maybe?

Definitely overthinking. Pre-baby I famously slept through the 'Great Storm' of '87 without hearing a thing. When DS was tiny I could wake up even if he so much as coughed, and he was in a different room. As he got into longer sleep patterns, so did I, and it took a bit more racket to get me up. These days he could get up and play a drum solo and I probably wouldn't hear him. I think we're programmed in the early days to be super-attentive and never 100% asleep.... would kill us if we were like that all the time.

Dh sometimes dreams he has got up with the kids - product of years of broken sleep. Maybe he's doing that??

I was like this with my DCs. In the morning my DH would say that DD had woken and was crying and that he went to settle her. I always felt slightly embarrassed by this as I thought there was something wrong with me that I wasn't springing awake.

However, I always, always woke up if the DCs needed to be fed or were really distressed. So I think I was screening the cries, iykwim, and only responding to the ones where only mum would do.

Thanks so much. I do think I'm maybe not quite as relaxed about going back to work as I thought I was. I definitely feel like you did Deux: as if I should be the one who should hear her more readily. I have been a bit sheepish when my DH has told me that she has been awake.

What you say makes sense cognitio. I couldn't have sustained that level of attentiveness. I too was such a deep sleeper before. And I loved it!

Shrinkingnora - I never thought of that, but it could certainly be the case. A few times my DH has got up when we have both been wakened by her and he has had no recollection of it, so I guess the opposite could easily happen.

A few weeks ago I was telling my DH that I was worried about the night wakings when I went back to work and he would have to try to get up at night when he was the one at home during the day (that's the way we have worked it when I've been off and he was working full time). Maybe it's all for the best, but oh Lord, the guilt. It's so strange: on paper it seems like everything's all for the best. Thanks for the reassurances!

There are a million things that you can potentially beat yourself up over when you're a working parent. Most are not worth the bother, and getting a good night's sleep is definitely not one of them :)

Thanks Cogito! From what I have heard this is just the start of all the guilt, and you're so right; a good night's sleep should not be agonized over.

Appreciate the words of encouragement!

That's me all over. I have 3 children and when they were babies I bf, so was up and down feeding and woke at the slightest murmur. Once past about 6 months, when reliably sleeping through the night it was like my 'mummy sense' just switched right off and I reverted to the unbelievably heavy sleeper I have always been. now they are 7, 5 & 3 of course they rarely wake, but there are times - nightmares, illness etc, etc I never ever am the one to wake up, it is always DH and he has to wake me if necessary (or if he considers it my turn to deal with whatever is going on).