Very worried about DS1's friend

[Less]

but mostly because I know things I shouldn't.

They're just finishing yr6. The friend has been at the school, for c. 12 months and it his his 4th primary school without moving house. I know someone who worked at his previous school and the feeling there was that as soon as a school started to have concerns about the child's welfare he would be moved. He was on the at risk register, but isn't now.

The family live c. 1m from us, but the boy is left to his own devices at weekends and holidays and often turns up on my doorstep to play with DS1. I'm happy to have him he's a nice polite boy and plays well with DS1 and DS2. No-one ever comes to collect him or seems to know he's here though. TBH if we can make him feel welcome/wanted I'm glad of that, but is it really my place?

Last week he turned up at school with bruising on his neck, which he claimed was caused by the cat. The story didn't ring true (looked like finger marks, I saw them), social services were called and the police have been to interview the boy and the family, all are sticking to the story that it was an accident. The boy hasn't been back to school since. I've only met mum once (she didn't know it was me) and she's a very scary lady, with a most unpleasant new DH.

Anyway, I guess the reason for my post is to ask what you'd do if he arrives at my house in the holidays. I don't feel able to turn him away, but if I do have him and there is further cause for concern what do I do? Do I assume all the right professionals are now involved? Or not?

Most of the stuff above, I know because people who should know better have spoken out of turn, although I have had it more or less first hand. To be fair they've been telling me thinking I should know for the sake of my DCs e.g if they were to go there to play (but they've never been asked)

Not sure I've explained it well and I hope it doesn't make me seem gossipy, but I am very concerned about him, would like to help in whatever small way I can, but don't want to involve my family in any nastyness, or to make things worse for the boy.

Ring social services if you see any evidence of abuse or neglect. Don't assume they know.

Poor kid. It's lucky he can come to yours. Imagine where else he might end up.

If you're worried (now or ever) ring social services and tell them everything you know/suspect, especially that he's being moved schools a lot, and now hasn't attended this one for a while. they won't be able to tell you anything but if you are concerned about this boy then you have a duty to him to let them know. If it's nothing then it's nothing. If it's something then you could be saving him. Poor kid. He's lucky he's got your house to come to.

bruising from a cat?? surely the worse excuse ever.

how weird to x post with atthe and say exactly the same things almost word for word.

completely agree. ring them up. and if you can,continue to be a safe haven for him.

This is a hard one but for the little boy's sake I would carry on as usual - sounds like he has enough to deal with and could use a bit of normality. I would steer clear of talking about what happened with him or asking any questions about his home situation. I expect that social services are keeping a close watch now, but I can see you'd have a real dilemma if he turned up with new marks or any other signs of possible neglect/abuse. In that situation you may be able to anonymously raise a concern with social services? Perhaps someone with more knowledge of social services would be able to tell you that.

Thing is there's always signs of neglect, he's filthy and no-one knows where he is from morning til night, so he's not being fed (unless I do it) either. But SS know that.

DH is concerned about what might happen if more bruising appears on a day when he's been here...

please never assume ss know anything. and don't worry about ss suspecting you. if the family are known to them then they'll be wise to all that. also cases often take ages to get allocated, or are pushed back because of other more urgent ones. if you ring up whenever you're worried, then they will sort it out quicker. always remember there's a poor wee boy in the middle of all this, and he needs someone to give a shit about him, if his parents don't.

I know, but when is it just a different way of parenting and when is it neglect and should be reported?

An 11yo never collected from school?
An 11yo allowed to stay out all day?
An 11yo who's not too keen on washing or changing his clothes?
Allowed to walk home after dark?

Obviously actual injuries are different, but even then if the boy swears blind the cat did it?

I say he's not being fed because on the days he's out and about no-one knows what he's eating, but he doesn't look hungry.