Feel so detached from DD1. Newborn DS 2 weeks old.

[belindarose]

I knew I would find this hard and had antenatal depression, mostly because of this. I thought that I didn't want the baby, but really I think it was more a fear of losing DD.

DS has arrived and he's lovely. A very frequent feeder (BF) at the moment which has taken a lot of effort to get right. DH went back to work yesterday and my mum is here for a week now. So I've got lots of practical support and someone for dd all the time.

I've barely seen her and she's hardly noticed. She was so excited about the pregnancy and very clingy/ cuddly towards the end. It's brilliant that she's had such a lovely time with her dad as she used to be quite rejecting of him. But I'm so sad. She's amazing with the baby. I don't know what I'm complaining about.

Sorry, this is a bit incoherent. I can't articulate it very well now I've got round to posting about it. Will I ever reconnect with her again? She's nearly 3, by the way.

I am sure you will. How do you feel now you have had DS? I had antenatal depression too and felt so much better once second DD was born, but I had post natal depression after the first DD! All very complicated. I am convinced that you are in a mix about your DH going back to work and your mum being there with you. Give yourself some time to get sorted then reassess. Your little girl sounds very sweet and you sound lovely too.
Watch how you feel though, hopefully you don't feel depressed now? I reckon you are just shattered and worried about giving your new one all the attention. Gosh I am totally rambling too!

Oh you poor thing. You are completely at the mercy of your hormones at he moment and I am sure this feeling will soon pass.

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and that your well attached little girl is able to feel safe and supported even when you cannot be at her side all the time.

That is because she feels loved, safe and secure and it's because you have done that. You can focus on the new baby while still giving her time, it will feel a bit weird but you should try to trust your judgement.

After I had DD2, DD1 was horrid - she went from being absolutely lovely to hitting all of us (including DD2) being rude, just generally awful, and for a time I really didn't like her. Two years on I love her just as much as i ever did, and although we have a different relationship now, we are still very close.

I think your relationship will change, and it will change again. I never feel as if I have the balance right, but both girls are loved and happy, and I can't do more than that.

You are doing your best, and your daughter is just lapping up the extra attention. She will come back to you when she is ready

Thank you for your lovely replies. I probably am just totally exhausted. I'm not depressed right now and I love the baby more than I thought I could. As I said, dd is fantastic with/ about him and seems to accept how needy he is (and how only mummy will do). It's almost like she's deliberately handed me over to him. She seems so grown up, all of a sudden.

Your children change all the time. They grow up. I know it's hard but try not to worry about how you feel because before you know it they'll be completely different again and you'll wonder why you worried. Before long they'll be playing together and be best friends when they're not arguing and you'll be so glad that you gave them each other. If they share life like my girls do, they'll be a joy.