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Parenting

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Original poster

18mo old hitting me in the face - repeatedly and hard...

28 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 13:37

I know that this is a phase that too shall pass etc, but I need some words of wisdom to get me through.

DS 18 mo. I'm 10 wks preg and he recently started hitting me really hard in the face - and wherever he can lay his chubby little hand actually. Not really when he is hungry or tired as a trigger, more frustrated.

As an aside I should mention he has some hearing problems and is having surgery next week for grommets, which I am hoping will alleviate some frustration. He also doesn't talk at all, because of the hearing difficulties.

Anyway, it is just getting out of hand now, and I can't ignore it. Last week he didn't want to put his shoes on, I could sense a 'hit' was coming...he hit the stair he was sitting on and then looked as if that wasn't satisfying enough so calmly looked up and walloped me in the face. I am ashamed to say that I was feeling truly ghastly with morning sickness and I lost the plot at him. I wasn't physically violent but I screamed at him (can't even remember what I said) and for once, he cried (he normally laughs if I raise my voice or try and sound stern). I walked away and left him for a minute - he just followed me and we were running late so i had to pick him up and pop him in the car.

I have checked with my CM and he doesn't hit there. He also rarely hits my DH.

I have tried walking off and givng him no reaction when it happens but he doesn't care about that. Mainly because he normally doesn't have to carry on with what he didn't want to do in the first place IYSWIM.

Help please. He's going to give me a black eye soon...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Boobybeau · 16/07/2012 14:37

We're having a similar issue with hair pulling :( its exhausting isn't it. I to have tried the walking away and ignoring it, telling off, showing him how to be gentle etc but nothing is working and he just finds it hilarious. He used to just do it to me but is now he is targeting little girls at nursery and toddler groups and it's really upsetting. I am also pregnant to and lost it with him the other day and felt like crying afterwards. So I'll be really interested to hear anyone's suggestions x

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 15:05

So comforting to hear someone else going through it...
I've got really short hair but I'm sure if I didn't he'd have a pull at my hair too

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Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 15:07

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way...

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Spero · 16/07/2012 15:10

My daughter went through a phase of biting. I just said NO! really firmly and loudly and immediately put her in her cot and left her for at least five minutes. She was a bit younger than your ds. This only happened at home, I don't know what I would have done if out and about, probably put her in the pram and ignored her. She stopped quite quickly.

I think you absolutely have to do something to make it clear that this is not behaviour you will tolerate. He is far too young to negotiate or to have things explained to him, I think making it clear immediately that you will not tolerate it is the way to go. If he is doing this when you are about to go out etc, I think you will just have to start getting ready earlier in order to factor in some time out if he tries hitting you.

I hope you sort it out, it must be very upsetting and frustrating.

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 15:17

Thank you. It's not just when are getting ready to go out, it's at all times. He has started trying to hit other children at playgroup too. Normally when he's playing with something and another child tries to take it/touch it. I have to watch him like a hawk...

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Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 19:08

Bump

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exoticfruits · 16/07/2012 19:23

I agree with Spero. Every single time he does it you get down to his level-look him in the eye and tell him, very firmly 'no, you DO NOT hit people'. Every single time-however boring. If he does it to others you remove him-if he is at a toddler group or similar take him home.( Works well if he is having fun at the time.)
He will get it eventually-some take longer than others.

kerala · 16/07/2012 19:55

Its horrid. I had this with DD1 at the same age it was only me she hit. My lovely aunt said it was because she felt so comfortable with me she could let her feelings out but still...not very nice.

Firm telling off looking and being cross. It passes it really does. DD now a delightful "sensible" 5 year old who would no more hit me in the face than fly to the moon.

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 20:03

Thank you Kerala, there is hope then ...

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 16/07/2012 20:23

It is a phase, you get out of one and onto the next!

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 16/07/2012 20:45

Thank you Kerala, there is hope then ...

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Spero · 16/07/2012 21:38

One of my friends, her little boy used to do things like take a running jump and kick her in the stomach!! he was about 3 at the time. She would get upset and say things like 'that really hurts mummy!' in a sad voice. Meanwhile, I was feeling really uncomfortable and wishing she was a bit more assertive. He doesn't do it now but he is still quite violent with his siblings.

I don't think trying to appeal to their human decency works at a young age! I do think you have to be assertive and firm and just make it clear that hitting mummy= an immediate and boring consequence.

But I agree he will grow out of it - but I bet you would rather that was sooner than later...

Boobybeau · 16/07/2012 23:09

If I try and look and sound cross, raise my voice or react in any way etc.. He just finds it hysterical which is highly annoying! Tonight when he did it to me I frog marched him in silence to a really dull spot and made him sit there. I felt really mean but when he did it again I repeated it to the same spot and so far this has to be the most effective in that he's not finding it funny. Guess we'll see if it has any effect on the hair pulling but im hoping that he works out that if he pulls my hair he is made to do something really boringX

exoticfruits · 17/07/2012 06:58

Be very firm and definite without raising you voice - keep calm. Boring is the way to go- the message being that it is tedious.

valiumredhead · 17/07/2012 07:46

Hold your child's hand firmly and say 'DON'T hit mummy!' Let go, and get up and walk off.

By holding the wrist they can't yank hair harder and you have control.

valiumredhead · 17/07/2012 08:32

WRIST - not hand

Spero · 17/07/2012 08:57

I am not sure that simply walking off gives the right message. I think there has to be some consequence other than just cross voice, which some children do seem to laugh at. But being removed from activity is something he will remember and hopefully make a link.

BedHog · 17/07/2012 09:07

I used the 'bellowing in his face' method, and zero tolerance of violence and nastiness, which usually worked. But then I suppose I'm lucky that my DS gets upset when I tell him off and doesn't just laugh at me and do it again.

valiumredhead · 17/07/2012 09:11

The consequence is no interaction or attention which is what they want when the hit - it's a good way to get attention.

Killergerbil · 17/07/2012 09:13

I know this will get me shot down in flames, but naughty step for 2 reasons, it removes him from the bad situations and he will be shown this is consistently unacceptable, and it gives you minute and a half to compose yourself before being calm and firm to get your sorry.
Works with my boys x

ChuckUFarley · 17/07/2012 09:21

Ds never hit but when I told him off he would be devastated and never do that thing again.

Dd was a different matter entirely. Shouting made her laugh, walking away gave her the go-ahead to carry on without an audience. The most effective way of dealing with unwanted behaviour was to silently march her to a corner, sit her down facing the wall and walk away. If she moved I would put her back, if she cried I ignored her. She had to stay there for a couple of minutes and then I would go back, tell her "doing XXXXX isn't nice. You DON'T do it again. Now what do you say?" and she would have to say 'sorry'. If she refused to say sorry (or a similar sound as speech wasn't her strong point) she had to stay there for another minute and I'd repeat.

We went through this for a couple of weeks (which felt like years) and then she learned that she might be better off doing what she was told in the first place.

valiumredhead · 17/07/2012 09:23

Nothing wrong with the step imo.

ChuckUFarley · 17/07/2012 09:25

I can't see why the naughty step/corner would get you flamed? You're taking a child away from a situation without any violence or shouting and taking away the attention they're acting up for. As long as you balance it out with attention when they're doing what you want I can't see anything wrong with it.

pictish · 17/07/2012 09:31

I'm a complete convert of the naughty step too.

However, with an 18 mnth old and hitting I think it's case of a very sharp NO! NO HITTING!
Then walk away and refuse to engage. Every. Single. Time.

MovingGal · 17/07/2012 09:40

DS1 hit me a few times at about 2 yr old. My DH saw him, marched him away to have a "Man to Man" chat. I didn't catch all of it but it was along the lines of "only bad men hit women" and "very very bad men hit their Mother".

I don't know what else he said but (amazingly) it worked.
He was the kind of kid who wouldn't hear instructions if he didn't like them, felt like I had six little whirlwinds instead of just one, generally just a challenging kid. Maybe the talk from Dad worked because I was the main disciplinarian(sp?) usually?

DS2 - if he misbehaved in any way I would just have to say "Where has my good boy gone?" or "I am so disappointed!" and he would be good and also try to comfort me.

Same sex, 3 yrs apart, same parents, same household. Your new LO will probably not even think to hit you.

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