Newborn and a two year old. How? Seriously, how?!

[Puffykins]

DS is very nearly two. DD is just over a week. DH is currently on paternity leave and doing an amazing job of looking after DS and doing all the housework etc. (actually, truth be told, the house is cleaner and tidier than when I am in charge . . . ) But I just don't know how I'm going to cope when he goes back to work at the beginning of next week.

DS is generally a very well behaved toddler - minimum of tantrums, etc., eats well, sleeps well, generally problem free (I am lucky, I know.) However this is due to his getting a lot of exercise and fresh air - and when he doesn't get this, he starts low-level trashing the house/ climbing the furniture and we have a lot more moaning and lot more tears and I find myself saying 'no' the whole time and getting cross (which I hate) and the whole thing is beyond frustrating.
He does watch CBeebies, but not for any length of time - he gets bored of I Can Cook/ the Tweenies/ whatever else very quickly (I'm not surprised. I do too.) He loves drawing/ painting - but needs supervision, and can't really maintain it for longer than about fifteen minutes (again, not surprising, he's two.) We don't have a garden (we live in central London.)
Meanwhile, there's DD, adorable and again not difficult - actually so far an easier baby than DS was - sleeps up to three hours at a time, happy to sit/ sleep in the papoose while we go out, and breast feeding is becoming established. But that's just it. Each feed still takes about an hour - sometimes more - allowing for burping, nappy changing etc. And there's no routine. And she falls on and off the breast while I'm feeding, so I absolutely don't want to do it in public yet (if ever. I have nothing against breast feeding in public, just I can't do it very well myself - I find it uncomfortable, and the milk doesn't flow properly for some reason, and, generally, it's just a fairly unsatisfying experience for all involved.)
How does everybody else manage? Can I force a routine on a two week old baby? Should I start doing the odd formula feed - say, every morning, so that I can take DS to his usual morning playgroup and feed DD while I'm there? I'm mixed fed DS from about a month, and it worked really well for us.
Oh, also, there's no way that I can leave them alone together - even for a moment - without supervision as I fear for DD's life. Not that DS is trying to kill her, but he might kill her while trying to love her (pulling her into his lap by her head, for instance . . . )
Has anyone got any tips on how to get through this bit? I know that it will get easier as DD becomes older, but until then . . . ?

No advice my dd is 8 months and we're going to ttc in Jan so hopefully they'll be a 2 year gap...although reading this thread has scared me slightly(!) you sound like you're doing amazingly! Hope it gets easier for you.

It does get easier I promise but the first few months of having two children is really hard, but so worth it in the end!

With my first two I had 2.3 years between them and this was not too bad as DS1 could communicate pretty well. But gap between DS2 and DD was only 21 mo and this was more tricky.

One fab bit of advice is to create a little box of cheap pound stores toys and books for your toddler to dip into while you do the feeds, put snacks in there as well so they can help themselves and congratulate them on being a "big boy".

Also I found reading to my older children while I fed the baby was also good.

Personally I vote for continuing with toddlers routine of playgroup and outings as much as poss and the baby will soon start fitting in around the toddler. I know it sounds mean but in a way your toddler needs your attention more than the baby so if you have to park them in a bouncy chair for a bit while you hang with your toddler don't feel bad.

It is a baptism of fire but best to throw yourself into the tricky situations because then you'll see you can do it and suddenly things won't seem so impossible!

put up a travel cot with a cat net over the top - lets you leave the room to go to the toilet without worrying about missiles. Get a big shawl to bf under at play group and then she can fall on and off to her hearts content without flashing you! If it is a playgroup you normally go to DS will play happily and you can sit with you DD, all the other mums there will chip in and help as we know what is is like in the early days! Decent double buggy is a must - and the phil and teds soft carry cots things are great, will slot into most brands and just let you left the little ones out like they are in a holdall so you can take them into groups whilst they are asleep without disturbing them!
Think about your network of friends, who can you visit each day - if DS is getting out of the house for a good play once day - he will be more amenable to a bit of cbeebies time in the other slot for the day. Go to parks - wear him out by insisting he walks part of it - see previous on then watching cbeebies whilst you feed!
An ipad in a protective case is a wonderful thing - the peppa, humf, postman pat games will be right up his street and much more engaging than the television!.

Enjoy!

My dd is four months and ds is two. I feel your pain!! I try to read to ds while feeding or just chat, sing, etc, and I actually found Boogie Beebies a godsend as he would proudly show me his dance moves while I was trapped under the baby! Basically just try to go with the flow and as your baby finds a routine it will get easier! We tend to do any outings on the morning as that tires him out and we have a quieter afternoon. Playgroups are good too as with just othet mums there you will possibly be less concerned about feeding in public? Good luck and congrats

Also.. The first time I went out with them both I left my wallet at the soft play centre, forgot a snack for ds so he had a tantrum at the doctors ( was dds one week check up too) and they both cried all the way home on the car... But that was the only time it has ever been that bad and it was largely because i was so tense! I think we all have those outings and people are kind ( a lady at the docs gave ds a muesli bar!) and you do survive!

Congrats on your new baby :)

I have exactly 2 years between my two so I also know how you feel. It is hard at the beginning, it seemed to take me ages just to get them both ready and out the house in the morning but you do get yourself in to a routine.

I find it easier to bath my girls at bedtime now so in the morning it's just a case of have breakfast, get dressed and go out. I also used the idea suggested above of the box of toys, books etc to keep my eldest occupied while I was busy with the baby (she especially liked sticker books).

Totally agree to carry on your normal routine with regards of playgroups and things as I've found my baby kind of slotted in to our routine. I didn't buy a double buggy to begin with as my 2 year old always wanted to walk but I have one now and love it. It's so much easier to get anywhere.

My youngest is almost 10 months now and it is so sweet to see them play together. In the morning they get so excited to see one another, it's lovely to see!

There is 2 years 2 months between my two, I remember this stage well! My top tip is get DH to prepare your lunch in advance, just a sandwich etc for each of you, so you can just grab it from the fridge at lunchtime. As for evening meals, use pre-prepared stuff, ie buy ready chopped veg from the supermarket, fresh pasta and sauces, jacket spuds etc.

I second keeping DS's routine as much as possible. if you don't want to BF in public, can u go to friends' houses? Or get one of those bebe au lait covers? Or find a toddler- friendly breastfeeding group?

It does get easier- mine are 4 and 2 now and it is a fab age gap!

Thank you so much for all of this. I'm actually going to try to do it without getting a double buggy - baby in papoose, DS in Bugaboo will eventually become DS walking/ on buggyboard, DD in Bugaboo (the double buggies aren't great on London transport, so . . . .) DS is pretty good at walking already, and got used to wearing reins at the end of my pregnancy when I couldn't run after him in the street . . .
I'm absolutely trying to keep him to his routine as much as possible - the playgroup he goes to in the morning is actually one that I can leave him at (I pay for it - it's not quite nursery, but more than a playgroup.) I have to stay on site though, so can go through to the cafe, and try to breastfeed there - good tip re the shawl. In the afternoon we generally go to the park (can still do this)/ to softplay (harder, I don't think me +DD in papoose will fit through the tubes etc., and DS is still too young for me to just abandon him to scrabbling across suspended scramble nets alone)/ swimming (can do this once DD is 6 weeks and I can leave her in the creche at the gym.) Also, once the autumn term starts, DS will have various classes (swimming, ballet, football, Baby Picasso) which I can just take DD to. It's just getting through the interim, and dealing with DS wanting to go out to play at exactly the same time DD decides she wants to feed, and I can not sit on a park bench breast feeding in the pouring rain. But equally nor is it fair to make DS, who can be put in a waterproof suit and who doesn't give two figs for the rain, wait for her. So what does one do?
I don't have an iPad but perhaps I should invest in one. And Boogie Beebies sounds brilliant - he loves dancing. We do a lot of stories, certainly, and I've been trying to play trains/ lego with him while feeding but it doesn't really work . . . . He's not very interested in snacks so they don't really work as distraction. He eats his meals and doesn't really get hungry in between - and if I let him snack he doesn't eat his meals.

I just hope that DD decides to start fitting in with DS's routine sooner rather than later!

She will. If that's what you do, that's what you do and she will adapt! And ds will have to wait sometimes but he will get used to that too. All will be fine!!

Oh, and I'm DEFINITELY going to ask DH to prepare our lunch in advance. That sounds brilliant!

Let me introduce you to my friend, cbeebies.

Just read this after i posted a similar thread.

Im in the me boat with my 6week old and 20month old. doing it alone at the moment aswel until my partner is home in october (been away since december 11') :(....

I am finding it easier as im getting use to it, but do find i have moments where i just think "how the hell am i going to do this?"

I try to alternate DD1's toys and mix them up a bit so she can notice a change. (she is obsessed with getting all the dvds out and just looking at them at the minute. harmless but not fun to be picking up lol

I find that i always feel like i have so much to do at the minute. (trying to start a small business too) theres so much i want to get done but set myself ridiculous targets.

we stick to DD1's routine of playgroup about three times a week, some days to chill out at home then the odd day for the dreaded food shop... i also relate to the not being able to leave DC2 unsupervised.... DD1 is so sweet but heavy handed without realising!