Are these thoughts normal

[bubble30]

I have PND and can't work out if thoughts I'm having are what other mums have or whether they are to do with my PND.
I keep getting thoughts as to what I would do if both my sons were in danger. The main one that I have is that they're both in a canal drowning - which one do I save?
When my eldest was born I did not bond with him and it took almost 2 years for me to be able to say I loved him and really mean it. I feel so guilty that when my second son was born I loved him immediately. I obsess that I go and save my eldest to prove my love for him but then I feel guilty that this means I don't love my youngest son and he's going to grow up thinking my eldest is my favourite.

Now I've written this down and got this out of my head, I think it is because of PND. I spent 2 weeks in a mental health unit due to my first experience of PND and I'm too scared to open up about these thoughts to a professional in case it leads to going down that same road.

Hi Bubble, so sorry you're not feeling great. dark thoughts can be very common for new mums, and many many mothers have driven themselves to distraction worrying about things that might happen, and worrying about their love/commitment to their DCs. But I think you answered your own question - if it feels like the PND is getting too much, then please go back to your GP or CMHT if you have one for extra support. If it's dealt with early then you can avoid readmission to a MHU. Don't avoid getting help that you know you need because it may get worse without the right support. If you seek early help then you can get back on the right track and start to enjoy things a bit more. Good luck, and do try and get some sleep tonight if you can. Do you have good RL support?

It's always a better idea to speak to someone ASAP because the sooner you get some help and support the less likely things will get so drastic.

I don't know if your thoughts are normal or not. I have morbid thoughts about DS all the time. But rest assured it is extremely unlikely that you will ever be in a situation where you have to choose between them in that way. But talk to someone - it might help :)

also, I meant to say please try not to feel guilty. It's obvious how much you love the DCs. x