Dd "expecting" presents

[lizardqueenie]

After a bit of advice on how to deal with my 20 month old dd's sudden interest in "presents"
Particularly around my DM who I have been concerned is spoiling her.

I'm really not a materialistic person & feel quitte strongly that DD ring brought up the same, not to expect gifts all of the time & that's she isn't spoilt on bday & Christmas. I know there are some people who feel GP's are allowed to spoil their children & I see now harm in giving small treats now & again but DM seems to turn up with something for DD all the time, be it new clothes/ toys/ books & it's getting a bit overwhelming. When DM came today DD started asking for presents which she has also done when going to DM house.

Really wondering how to resolve this & get things bavk on track. Have been explaining to DD that presents are for special occasions not all of the time but think its a bit beyond her understanding. Anyone else dealt with anything like this?

Thank you :)

you need to speak to your Mum

how about you ask her to invest in premium bonds for her grand daughter, that might deflect her from spending out all the time

Thanks Random. Yes I have said to her before that dd doesn't need xyz, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. Today before she left our house she said oh dd you wait there whilst nanny gets you something out of the car - when I questioned it it was a new farm truck toy for dd but I just thought it was ott especially as we had had the whole "presents" chat in front of my mum. So I told her she didn't need it today thank you very much. However I hope that now that DD has started to say this she will understand a bit more. The thing is with premium bonds as I understand you have to buy them in £100 batches don't you? I think my mums problem is just seeing thugs all the time randomly that she wants to get for dd although focusing her on something may be better.

I have the same issue with my MIL - she always brings stuff for DD (though not DS!) even though I've asked her not to. She always makes excuses that it's "just something small" (which isn't the point because a small child has no idea how much it cost), and it really started to bother me when DD greeted her one day with 'what you got?'. So we've compromised - when the PILs visit they will come in, have a coffee, sit down, have lunch etc - then after lunch they can give DD whatever it is. It's not ideal - I think my approach is much the same as yours, lizard - but it's the best I've been able to get. Also I've specified that it has to be practical stuff (like crayons, new stickers etc) not toys.

You are going to have to talk to her about it. Perhaps your mum could find something else that just she and your dd could share like a game that only they play together or a book that only your mum reads to your dd.

There's a woman at my dd's school who always brings her dc a bag of donuts when she picks them up. Every day. They are no longer excited or grateful but they are furious if she doesn't. She's got herself into a ridiculous situation.

Many eons ago, my cousin dealt with this by saying if her mother bought the little one presents every time they visited then they would have to visit less.
And she stuck to it.

Your house will fill up with toys quickly enough anyway.

With premium bonds I think you start off at £100, but after that you can buy them in £10 bonds. The mention of it may be deterrent enough. Or ask your mum to save some money in DD's account by standing order or just random deposits.

The trouble is that at this age all manner of toys etc are so 'cheap' that it seems to GPs that they are only buying something small, but as you say it is still a gift and it makes other times when presents are given less special. There is too much 'small stuff' in our house and I take any opportunity I can to prevent more coming in!

You could ask your mum to take DD to the bank / building society / post office and pay in some money to her account instead of buying her a present. The deposits can be very small and your DD would probably enjoy having her own pass book and the experience of going to the bank with your mum.

It does need to be handled delicately though as it is lovely that your mum wants to get her GD little gifts and is thinking about her - I'm sure you don't want to seem ungrateful :)

Firstly IMO it's not your dd that's got the problem, she has learned tgat when she she's her gm she gets a present. For my dd she learned she get a mini roll when she goes to gm house so now it's the first thing she says! It's gm who has the problem and that needs addressing. You can't expect a 20 month old to deal with this.

You need to decide what you are comfortable with and them tell gm. This is an adult convo not something that can be passively passed on by talking to dd. then you stick to it, tge same as with a toddler and gm will soon learn.

Suggestions include having a present box and if having spoken to you first (not in front of dd) then she can have 1 item out of it. Gm will then be forced to see just how much she is buying because it will be in a pile at her house. Gm could buy some toys tgat are only to be kept at gm house. She gets a gift card everytime she is tempted to buy something and it can be saved up for something special (playhouse for tge garden for example) or even she can only buy clothes in tge next size up, you will only accept clarkes vouchers.... There is loads you could do if she is determined to be a shopaholic.

Thanks for the advice everyone

I probably didnt point this out enough in my OP but I dont think (obviously) that this is DD's problem or making,s he has just been responding to what is going on around her. And of course, I dont want to seem ungrateful to my parents, there are times when they have bought her some lovely things, she has been over the moon or they can treat her to bits when we do/have fallen on tougher times. However that all said this really doesnt sit well with me - the gifts are excessive.

ZuleikaD what did you MIL say when your DD greeted her with that? I thought after DD saying 'presents' to DM that she would actually realise what i have been going on about but the point seemed to be missed somehow.

Savoycabbage Interesting point about the DC at your DD's school. My brother has a step-son, aged 14 now and my DM has always made a point of spoiling him a bit too much too. So now for example, he always expects a trip to MacDonalds or to buy a computer game. or to be able to ask my mum for anything for long enough and pester her so she gets it. Its a tricky situation as neither my brother and sister in law (SIL in particular) work very hard for what they have and she has said before that she will be saving for something for her son, like a new mobile phone he wants, and before she can quite afford it, my parents have swooped in there to "save the day" and buy it for him. I think this totally undermines the parents and also means that my Nephew learns nothing about having to wait for things and save up.

Mummytime interesting idea that. Thing is we live very close to my parents, so in some ways that does make it worse because sometimes we will see them everyother day or a couple of days in a row and there will be something new each time

Westwinger yes you are right, that is part of the problem about toys being cheap or everything being branded. So DM will come round with Peppa pig this, and Peppa pig that. It also means when I treat DD to something, (like recently I got her a fuzzy felt type book in M&S as I had some gift vouchers to pay for it & thought it would be a good one to have in my bag for us waiting around etc) so Dm sees it and says she has to get DD one for her house. This makes my treat for her seem less so. DD has tons of toys at GP's house, including a playhouse in thier garden. Again I dont want to seem ungrateful but she isnt even 2 yet and i just feel its all too much.

DD also has 2 savings accounts which the GPs can make a deposit in, regular or ad-hoc, i've given her the details but they haven't made a deposit just still choose to buy her stuff all the time.

Fanjo I like the idea of the present box. You are right & it would make GP's realise what they are spending & the frequency of it all.

My cousin and her mum lived close. For my DC they saw their grandparents rarely, so it seemed much less important if they got something most times.