Settling in at the Childminders - when does it get easier?!

[JeewizzJen]

Hi all, DS is 12mo and we're now in the second week of me bring back at work. He only goes to the childminder two days, mondays and tuesdays, and the rest of the time is looked after by either me or DP due to shifts. We did about 5 settling in sessions before I returned to work, 3 with me there, and 2 without, but they were only 3 and 4 hours, whereas when I'm at work he's there for 10 hours.

Leaving DS at the childminders is heartbreaking - he cries and reaches out for me, it's just horrible :o( He seems to be doing okonce I'm gone (well, he's getting there), but I just hate it in the mornings when I have to leave him bawling. I know it's completely normal, and will subside, but how long did it take for other's DCs before they weren't hysterical when being dropped off?

Oops, that wasn't supposed to be it was supposed to be !

DS has never been hysterical when i leave him. I, only the other hand, am a different matter entirely!

It will get better themore time he spends there - and don't forget he's probably going through the separation anxiety peak right now, which will also subside with time. I'm afraid there is no simple answer - just take comfort knowing that he loves you and is usually fine once you've gone. Maybe you can ask you CM to send you a couple of texts throughout the day just to prove to you that he's actually fine and perfectly happy?

We all yearn for what we don't have: i sometimes wish my DS showed more emotion when i leave! Instead, he now cries when i turn up to take him home!

picture texts that is

Don't worry - the fact that he cries as you leave is healthy and indicative of a strong bond. He will, over time, develop that bond with the CM too and will get to the point where he can composedly leave you. You can help support him with growing to trust her by making it clear that you trust her too. Spend some time chatting to her in a social way when you pick him up so that he understands that you trust her and that it's ok for him to trust her too. Does he have a 'comfort' toy/stuffed animal that he takes with him? Something from home, some object will be very comforting for him while he's there. I'm a CM and I encourage parents to provide duplicates of particularly loved objects (these can be anything - a particular whisk he likes, a makeup brush, anything) for me to have at my setting so children come to understand that home still exists even when they can't see it.

Thank you for your replies and reassurnaces :)

The CM has been really good, and does sent me texts and pictures during the day which is a big help! matana you're spot on with the separation anxiety - it's been made worse by the whole CM thing really, and he's very clingy at times that he wasn't before. It's been doubly difficult as he's never been away from me for more than about 3 hours (and those times were with DP), as we don't actually have anyone else around to help with childcare. So this is a big change for all of us!

ZuleikaD -you're right, I do really try and be cheery and normal when I arrive there, although it's not always easy! He'd never really got attached to any particular toy before, but we've kind of created one to help with the CM, and it has been very helpful, especially when trying to get him to sleep, which has been particularly challenging. He's very attached to it at her house, less fussed about it at home (which is fine!).

I know it'll get better over time, it's just so horrible to go through in the mean time! I do hope it won't take long.