How to CALMLY deal with kids bickering....

[caspercat]

What it says above really! DD is 6, DS is 3. Generally good kids, love each other, no major issues. But the red mist descends on me when they start arguing over toys etc. After I'd collected them nursery/gymnastics this pm, I asked them to go play whilst I cooked their dinner. For about 10 mins they played beautifully together, I went & praised them for playing nicely, gave them a kiss and went back to the kitchen. Within a minute, I could hear an argument starting because DD had taken a building block DS wanted - I defused that situation, but then another one started. I completely snapped, took them out of the play room & told them they had to sit in the hall without any toys & be bored if they couldn't play together nicely.
Anyway, then ensued 15 mins of crying/ pleading while I ignored & carried on cooking. I ended up removing said building blocks & hiding them.
I was so upset at my over reaction, I made them both cry & I've spent all evening feeling like crap.
Please, how does everyone deal with this? I know siblings arguing is normal, but I'm freaking out about the 'summer' hols, if it's pissing down with rain every day & we spend hours indoors, I can't entertain them constantly, but if we have daily happenings like this, I need some coping mechanisms to stop me exploding again.
We do use reward charts BTW, which are mainly effective, but I think it's my reaction that I need to control more than their actions.
Any tips? Sorry for huge essay...

I have 3 and tend to ignore the first part that you got involved in which avoids the rest of what you had to deal with.

I Try to offer separate activities to avoid conflict and I would have a 6 year old helping prepare dinner whilst the younger one played.

It's hard and you sound like you are really trying buti would step back and give them room to learn to deal with their squabbles without you jumping in.

You need to remember that conflict resolution is an important life skill. Unless they're actually beating the shit out of each other or you really can't bear the noise, let them sort it out themselves. Don't leap in there too early.

Thanks both, that's kind of what I thought I should do, but it's hard putting things into practice sometimes! DD does like to help me, but DS wanted her to play with him, so I stupidly thought 'aawww, how sweet, I can get on with dinner in peace for 5 mins '. Maybe I should've given DS some colouring stuff to get on with while DD helped me.
Will try harder next time to let them fight their own battles, it's just the whingey voice from DS ( who is usually a really happy, sorted boy) that gets to me.
Thanks again, wise words

Try spending half and hour alone time with older DC regularly when younger DC in asleep and really connect, play what she wants to play or climb into bed together and chat and cuddle. It's what I have done with my older DC who is 7. I didn't actually realise until it happened that by really connecting with her about four or five times a week has stopped fighting in our home, I had bickering constantly and I cannot believe the knock on affect this has had. She is kind to her sister now who is 4 and tries to smooth stuff over with her when she gets stroppy. They play together for up t an hour at a time with no fighting! Here is a great website about special time. www.handinhandparenting.org/
Seriously , fighting has ( almost ) gone in our home. Please try it?!

Sorry here's link
www.handinhandparenting.org/

Thanks for your advice Poppyboo. I will look at that website when I'm on the laptop rather than my phone. I will definitely try harder to do as you suggest cos it sounds like a brilliant idea. Might be a bit trickier as DS doesn't nap anymore & I don't want him to feel excluded while I spend time with DD, but he's pretty good at entertaining himself so it could work. Though we have to fit her homework in somewhere too. I'm looking forward to the days in the summer hols when DS is in nursery so DD & I can have a full day together, as this rarely happens & is exactly what we both need.

Thanks again xxx

You're welcome caspercat, I stagger bedtimes so my two bath together and have story together but youngest has lights out at 6.30 pm it is at this point I dive into my older girls bedroom and have special time with her until 7 pm and then her lights go out for sleep too. My youngest isn't aware I'm in Older girls room to be honest right now, she just goes to sleep. As I say it is four or five times a week so on nights I don't oldest simply reads or plays in her room. I really hope it works, it has been so positive here. Can't actually believe it to be honest. I know it is hard when it's the end of the day and you're tired, but I come out of older girls room feeling good as we have been giggling together! That's why I choose to climb into bed with her as I'm usually knackered come early evening so at least I'm lying down LOL

It's weird isn't it that as soon as you praise them they act up! I find that too. But when they are playing nicely it is best not to interrupt them just to tell them that (even though we are told to praise good behaviour it just doesn't seem to be the right moment - it interrupts the flow or something.) Instead make sure you notice it and feel how good it is and maybe make a mental note to mention it later.

Tea-time is the hardest time of day in our house as everyone is tired and hungry and the tea doesn't make itself, so situations I might handle fine at other times of the day just seem to go badly then. It is not necessarily the best time to practice leaving them to sort out their own disputes if that is something you find hard to do.

It is helpful to have a pre-decided strategy for if they do start arguing and you don't feel like you are going to have the energy to tune it out. You are allowed to need some calm time to make the tea in - I think this is an important thing to acknowledge that you have needs too.

My strategy is to sit one of them by the front door and one of them by the back door (we have a very small house) and tell them that they are not allowed to look at each other or speak to each other. (If I have the capacity for a bit of humour I tell them that under no circumstances are they to smile at each other.) They usually defy me by playing nicely together.....

Constant sibling rivalry can be very draining, will you be able to get regular time to yourself and/or 121 time with each of them over the summer holidays?