So, if they were an "accident" ...

[woosmummy]

when do you get over it?

I didn't find out I was pregnant till I was 22 wks. I Went for a scan at ?8wks only to see a very well formed baby boy.

One year on I don't think I have yet got over it. I didn't want to do anything for his birthday, and only did a family tea after some pressure from my mum and dad.

I can't stop thinking of the life I want to have and I keep getting horrible days where I just wish I wasn't "woosmummy" and there was no woo. Which just makes me feel so much worse because I know I am lucky to have him when there are so many people who desperately want a baby.

Anyone feel/ felt (i hope) the same?

woo sorry to hear you are feeling like this

What are your circumstances? Do you have a partner? Are you very young and all your mates out having fun?

All I can say is it does get a lot more fun when they can talk

My son was unexpected woosmummy but I found out a lot earlier, I can only imagine what a terrible shock that must have been for you.

Do you think you may be suffering from PND? The reason I ask is cos I suffred from it too and what you say reflects exactly how felt.

How much support are you getting from friends and family?

I reckon lots of us have horrible days like that even when our babies were long planned and anticipated.

What is the life you want to have? Can you find a way of still having it - or some of it?

I had to give up my job and move back home with my parents. My expartner was not very good at giving me the support I needed to sustain working in a career I loved and bring up my son.

I'm 26, been to uni (twice!-should have known better!)and I think I'm feeling down about missing out on my plans to develop my career, to lead a fabulous social life with my friends etc

I feel in such a strange place as I know that I feel down, but I know why I feel down, and that alot of what I've been through since last november would make anyone feel down.

I suppose thats the problem, I'm quite sensible really, and all I can think at the moment is "its hardly a surprise to feel crap"

I have made the effort to build up a routine with my boy of fun things to do, but at the end of the day I didn't want to be a single, stay at home mum on benefits when I've got good qualifications and was pretty good at my job.

When i've talked to health professionals about this they just say "its not surprising""have a break and you'll feel less stressed". Well I've done that and I think I prefered being at work and having time where I was too busy to even think about my privare life

I'm not surprised you feel so down, it's a huge, massive, and permanent life change. TBH You've coped amazingly well so far.

is there anyw ay you can go back to work? Have you thought about childcare options? Would you parents look after woo while you're at work?

Even working part time would get you out the house and give a 'break' from being mummy.

I do sympathise totally, being a single mum myself.

Blimey, yes - MASSIVE life change.

You sound like you have a lot going for you. Is there anything stopping you from working at least part time? Develop your experience so that when woo's bigger you can give your career more attention?

Ho Woosmummy,
I'm in a similar situation, my dd's 14 months and I still sometimes feel like I'm going to wake up and find it's all been a strange dream - I feel like the real me is all packed away somewhere. And like you say, it's fine on a day to day level but at the same time of course it's awful. I have always resigned myself to having a pretty dreadful time for a few years but try to look at things in the long term. And then to concentrate on making tiny steps towards making my life a little more like I want it to be and hope to reach a compromise position one day!
Having said that I never wish that I didn't have my dd, just that it could all have happened in rather different circumstances.

Hi woosmummy. My DD was not an accident she was planned and wanted BUT from the moment of her birth I was just in turmoil. I knew I loved her but I felt like a crap mum and I remember similar feelings when she was 1. I remember calling my mum that morning crying and saying "I can't do it" because I'd arranged for the whole family to come over for sarnies, champagne and cake. I felt I had to do it but my heart just wasn't in it. I had a shocking and traumatic birth with her and it took me a couple of years to get over it. I remember saying it to my DP that I hadn't got over it. It was those words that struck a cord with me in your post.

I felt I could do all the practical stuff for her but that something was missing somewhere. It is suffocating sometimes (all the time) with young babes.

I wrote a diary entry when she was 20 months because it was a moment in the garden on a hot day when everything felt good and I felt like things were NOT okay but that I could see they might get to be okay. Does that make any sense? I hit a moment and, slowly, life got better and better until I realised that she was a great wee pal to have around and I became very, very proud of her and me. I learned I'm not a "baby" person. I'm much happier when I can speak to my child and reason with them and explain stuff. Happier when they can see the joke and laugh with me. My DD is 5 now and I have DTs that are 18 months. They drive me nuts and I can't wait until they are just a bit older! I love my DD immensely now and I miss the times when it was just her and me. Hold on honey, it will come.

Maybe I'm talking rubbish but your post rings bells with me and I hope this helps.

And don't feel guilty about taking childcare and getting on with your career. You will be a better mum for it. Its whatever gets you through sweetheart.