Am I being oversensitive?

[hudjes]

hi all, be gentle with me!

I have recently moved to a new area with my husband and just over year old baby.

Being older, my contemporaries and family have long ago had children. They live all over the country anyway so not close geographically to them.

I have tried all sorts of groups to get to know other mums and build up a support network. Also used networking Have tried this for 5 months and no joy at all. I text mums and ask if they'd like to go for a coffee. They do not always get back to me. Or they do, but often cancel, for instance child is unwell. I try to keep in touch with them.

It was my daughters First birthday recently, and because I hadn't got to know anybody really well, just had a very small family get together. I have seen those mums having first parties for their LOs and announcing It on Facebook. And inviting friends on FB Which I was a bit :-/ about as I did not put it on Facebook.

Today another mum postponed a date with our LOs and said she had been busy baking for her LOs first birthday party. She did not invite us, and I feel a bit upset by this.

Fair enough, invite who you like, but I wouldn't announce it on facebook, or tell me about it, having no intention of inviting us or explaining why- maybe family only, not enough space etc. They were the only mums that kept in touch, though I was often chasing them...

Am I being oversensitive? I have a disability that makes it hard to follow what people are saying.

Please don't flame me!!

Ps did not mention my LO's party to them as it seemed oversensitive. only asked family and did not mention or on Facebook or to my 'mum' friends.

If it helps, your DD will have no recollection of a first birthday party and would just have sat on your knee looking bemused and ignoring the other babies around her; at her age you're better off having a small family birthday tea rather than a full-on hoo-ha party.

However, it does hurt when you're being left out be other mums - which is really what this is. I think you just have to start small, get through the rush of 1st birthdays then start looking for other groups to join and mums to talk to. I rmemeber chatting to a mum who brought me a cup of coffee when I was Bfeeding DS and couldn't get a drink for myself. Just the "do you want a coffee fetching?" offer was enough for us to start talking. Maybe start to chat with other mums with older / younger children so you can pick their brains or be a font of knowledge. Keeo going to groups, but try to mix with mums of children other than your DD's age.

Welcome to the minefield of birthday parties!

It's awful when women just cancel like that. You'd think the sickliest children ever. I think some are just shy rather than unkind. I wouldn't wasteuch more time with those people, though.

Good suggestion there by FoB. Try and approach other mums as well, it doesn't have to be with children of same age. You are looking for someone you would get on with, not your baby. They don't care about friendships for a long time and would be amused by anyone showing an interest. Which could easily be slightly older children.

Thanks for your messages. Yes my baby had fun with her cousins who are of varying ages. They paid her lots of attention.

Maybe this is the way to go...

God it's so hard being a mum! You have to develop really thick skin...

I'll give my 'friend' one more go, then move on if it's more my efforts to meet than hers.

Hudjes

Well, if it makes you feel any better, our DD's first birthday was crap. We were working 20+ hour days for a week either side and on her birthday itself too. We basically ignored her. She didn't even get a muffin from Tesco. I still feel really sad about it .

My family are also spread around so there's no-one close. DD has no little friends, only random adults. But she goes to softplay and in my view seems a lot more switched on than a lot of them there so it can't be that damaging.

You do what you can, you can't do more than that. I've given up comparing my situation to my contemporaries. A lot don't need to work or have nice little part-time jobs - of course they can bake bloody cakes and hold parties.

Where are you based? You sound lovely.

Hi janoschi.

We almost didn't do anything for our LO either It didnt seem worth the stress, having moved recently the house was chaotic!

Everybody says how calm and contented my LO is, so I must be doing something right.

I am based in tun wells. Whereabouts are you?

Glasgae.

Course you're doing something right!

Aw thanks janoschi. Pity you live so far away!