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Playdate from hell - WWYD?

9 replies

sc13 · 09/07/2012 14:17

Hi everybody - my first time posting here! DS, my only child, is 6 and was diagnosed with autism at age 3. He's in mainstream school, and doing generally well. His speech is improving, and he gets invited to most birthday parties.
I organize playdates, generally with kids from his class, around once a week (I work F/T). On a good day, DS will share at least some of his toys, and take turns. On a bad day, he'll insist that 'he's the winner' and throw the toys around. On a really bad day, he'll have a meltdown and shout at the other kid to go away.
The last playdate turned out to be one of those really bad days. DS was quite horrible to the other kid. I was mortified. DS apologized eventually. I also apologized to the kid's mum.
Now, less than two weeks later, DS wants to invite the same kid again. I don't know if it is such a good idea though - I worry that, as far as this particular kid is concerned, DS may have blown it.
How do I salvage the situation? How would the parent of a 'normal' child view a situation like this?

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 09/07/2012 14:20

I would have am open conversation with the other Mum, explain your DS's condition, suggest she comes too, she can help out and if your DS is not having a good day, she can take her DS home? Not really sure but perhaps worth trying?

lola88 · 09/07/2012 14:21

If i was the other childs mum i would explain my child to understand that your son has autism in a way they would understand and urge them to play with him again giving him a chance.

Maybe speak to the boys mum tell her your son wants him to play you would like him but understand if he doesn't want to, i'm sure she would be understanding.

boredandrestless · 09/07/2012 14:24

I can't help much as the parent of an NT child as my only also has autism.

We have barely any play dates, by the end of the school day my DS (also in MS) has had his fill of people and trying situations. You do well to do one a week when you work full time!

Would taking them to a park or indoor play place help maybe? Obv park is free if the weather is nice. Smile

When my DS does have kids round - like I said very rare, and usually it's the same very laid back boy who's very accepting - I find I have to supervise a fair bit, and help them through games, remind him to share, etc.

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jubilucket · 09/07/2012 14:28

My dnephew is the same age and about the same level. I'd have an upfront discussion with the friend's mum, minus all children of course, and make it crystal clear that you won't in anyway hold it against her if she chooses not to risk it.
Would he cope with the idea of meeting the friend in the playground instead - neutral territory? Or can he not cope with changes of plan? (my dnephew really doesn't like things being changed).
A lot more people know about ASD these days so fingers crossed.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 09/07/2012 14:30

we've had our share of bad playdates, and dd1 has no special needs.
things that have worked for us is keeping them short - they are knackered after school and i honestly think that 2 hours is the most they can manage - and me wheeling out some sort of semi structured activity - playdoh and cutters, card making, making key rings/badges, so they're not rowing over who's playing with what. you can get little craft kits in tesco for a couple of quid.

3duracellbunnies · 09/07/2012 14:30

I would maybe suggest more neutral territory if your ds is ok at playgrounds, go in the sunny summer holidays!!! Maybe one not just outside of school so still playing together, i.e. Not just running off with other friends. As a parent I would understand, however if my child had been really upset by the incident I might be unwilling to make them go if they didn't want to. I would talk to the other parent, explain ds would love x to come around again, but you understand if he is reluctant to. They may well have made up and be best buddies at school again, 'normal' children do that all the time.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 09/07/2012 14:32

sorry, i meant to say before all that, that I would explain why DS can find playmates difficult, and invite them back, with your DS's friend's mum coming too if that would help.

wfhmumoftwo · 09/07/2012 15:15

My 5 year old DS is friends with an autistic boy in his class and sometimes goes round his house to play. Of course sometimes they argue and neither will share toys, play nicely (that goes for my son who is 'normal' too!). BUt generally it goes ok, and you know what, the ones that don't go so well, my DS really is not bothered. He just shrugs it off. His mum does tell me the times when in her view its not such a great playdate, but i wouldn't feel too awkward or embarassed about it if i were you.
We have some of my DS friends over and vice versa and they are terriblly stressful with fighting and arguing too! I think its par for the course for 5 year olds

sc13 · 09/07/2012 16:18

Thank you so much you all for responding and being so helpful! I feel reassured - I will talk to the kid's mum again; she's always been very nice.

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