Bedtimes with a 3yr old and a 3 month old?

[moojie]

I'm really struggling with bedtimes at the moment so I wondered how others coped with 2!

Since the birth of ds2 I have pretty much worked with ds1's routine and ds2 has just fitted around that. This kind of works but the whole bedtime thing is taking me 2hrs. Ds1 is a boisterous 3yr old so it is impossible to feed and settle ds2 until he has gone down at 7pm. Ds2 then feeds for about an hour and then needs to be kept upright for 30 mins due to reflux which means I don't even start to make dinner until 8pm.

DH is around one or two nights a week plus the weekend but he runs his own business so is often working late a short notice.

At 3months I'm thinking ds2 should really have a bit more structure but how the hell do I do it?!!!

Don't worry about forcing a structure for DS2, that will happen with time, just do what you need to do to get them both settled even if it's different for DS2 each night. As DS2 gets older he can gradually be involved in more of DS1's routine (i.e. bath, teeth-brushing, story etc) and you'll find a more settled routine for him, but at the minute that's a long way off. Part of the trade-off for any 2nd child is they naturally have to fit in with the structures already established for the firstborn, and don't get to have new routines especially created for them, but that's life!

My DD is 17 months and only now is she really joining into my DS's routine at bedtime. Until now she had varying routines every night which totally depended on how much time I had to spend with her because of how well her big brother (3.1 years) co-operated and followed his routines. She just adapted and went with whatever!

What is your bedtime routine for DS1? 2 hours does seem a long time to spend just on bedtime, can it be reduced at all?

DS is nearly 3, DD is just 1. Our evening is:
anytime from 5.30 is either dinner then bath, or bath then dinner, depending on how late lunch was. They bath together but when DD was smaller, I used to bath DS while DD sat in her bouncer in the bathroom with us, then DS would watch a little TV while I bathed her. From about 6.15 ish we would go down to the kitchen and DS would have milk, playing with a few small toys at the table while I held DD and fed her. Upstairs (via teeth cleaning) to DDs bedroom. Finish her feed (bottle) with DS either listening to a story or just mooching about the upstairs. 7pm DD in cot, DS into bed, story read, light out. Sometimes I would have to go in and settle DD again afterwards but I WOULD leave her for a few minutes if she cried while DS had his story. Often she would be quiet by the time I was done, but if not, I'd go back in. When she was as young as 3 months and not going to bed at 7 I would do as above, but just keep her with me when reading DS his story, then take her back downstairs until her bedtime. The key is planning it, making sure you have towels, PJs etc where you need them, milk already in bottle etc and having safe places to put little one when you need to deal with the older one.

• also, regarding dinner for you and DP, either batch cook stuff and microwave it, or cook quick pasta type stuff. I often get dinner started in that period when we are all in the kitchen having milk (now DD is older she feeds herself) but you can at least heat the oven or do a few bits of prep if you put DD in a bouncer or something.

DS1 dinner 6.00 while baby in chair, both in bath 6.50 (baby 3 months), baby out first and in pjs wrapped in blanket on changing mat while DS1 out of bath and into bed at speed of light! DS1 two books while baby kicks on mat (getting tired for bed!) or lays on DS1s bed too. DS1 stays in bed and reads/shouts/chats himself to sleep by about 7.30/45 while I BF baby. Baby rocked A LOT and off to sleep by 8.00. This was the hardest thing to get sorted out but was the biggest thing to improve my entire life!!!