Playdate dilemma

[tumbletumble]

My DS1 is 6. A couple of days ago a mum approached me and asked if DS1 could come to play with her DS the next day. I said yes, but when I mentioned it to DS1 he wasn't that keen to go, so I said 'go this time, and if you don't enjoy it you don't have to go again' and he went. He seemed to have quite a nice time in the end, but basically I don't think he really likes the other boy. He has lots of other friends and I don't think he feels the need to play with this boy.

The trouble is that I feel sorry for the boy (who I don't think has many friends). I am also embarrassed to ignore the social convention which is obviously that I should now ask the boy here to play, and then DS1 will probably get asked again etc etc. But is it fair to make DS1 play with someone he doesn't like, just because I am too weak to say to his mum 'actually, DS1 would rather not' - I honestly can't bear the thought of saying this to a perfectly nice woman!

What would you do?

You could invite him round as part of a small group (of 2 or 3). That has the benefit of encouraging different friendships for this boy too. Then you're even and can avoid/fudge an invitation the next time- "He would love to but busy for the next 5 years" type of thing.

I would probably invite back to be polite and then make excuses if there was another invite and your DS really didn't want to go. But if this little boy is a nice child, just not your DS's choice I would maybe see if there were wider social things, i.e. meet ups at the park, etc. that I could invite him along to without putting DS in a situation of being forced to play with him one to one.

I think I would ask him back to yours for tea, as your son has been there. Then when his mum invites your son again just say that you need to check first because your not sure if you are free. Say things are very hectic at the moment. Then talk to your son and see if he wants to. He may want to if he's spent a bit more time with him.

If he doesn't then say you are busy. I wouldn't say that your son doesn't like him. It seems a bit mean (and I'm a wuss)

Against the tide here. But if your ds has lots of friends and this boy doesn't. And if your son has anOK time and doesn't actively dislike this other boy, then I don't think going to tea every couple of weeks is going to do him any harm, if it makes the other child happy.

The other boy is nice but a bit of an oddball IYKWIM. This is why I feel so guilty - I think the other mum is trying to help her DS to improve socially, and I understand what she is trying to do - but it does seem a bit unfair on my DS!

Thanks all for the advice. I'm thinking maybe the occasional playdate wouldn't hurt DS, but to try not to let it become too frequent?

I would lean hard on my DS to invite the other lad around this once.

If my lad was invited again I would be semi-honest & say that DS is being "funny" about playdates, so not this time, thanks, maybe something in future. Assuming my DS said he still didn't want to go.

OP I had the exact same issue with a boy in ds's class who was really keen to be friends, but for ds it just didn't "click." Ds isn't mean, but he was puzzled as to why this other boy kept saying they were friends, and asking ds to his house.

I honestly think it is very tough to expect a 6 yr old to go off to someone's house after school, play, have tea etc - that's 2-3 hours spent with someone he doesn't really like that much. Most adults wouldn't meet someone who isn't a friend for a 2-3 hour one-on-one lunch!

If your ds is really "ok" about it then perhaps you could each host once a term (ie 6 times a year if you do reciprocal dates), or do a park trip after school so it doesn't become overwhelming for your ds. You can quite easily say that you are keeping things to once every half term as you have lots of other stuff going on. However if your ds is really unhappy about the idea then I would go with what AdventuresWithVoles says.

I think if he had a nice time in the end, as you said, a few tea and a plays won't hurt him. Why not have the majority of them at your house, though, so you can keep an eye on things?