Crappy parent alert

[niceglasses]

Hi, I haven't been on here for a while, though I used to browse quite a bit. Sorry if this seems greedy asking for a bit of help straight away, but am struggling a bit at mo.

Have 3 kids, eldest 5 starte scl in Sept, middle one 3 and youngest, only girl is 18mths. Left my pt job when had last one, full time sahm. Just feel so trapped and bored, bored bored and probably boring boring boring for my kids as well. I can't think of anything to do except go to playgroups with the 2 younger ones (the 3 yr old doesnt really enjoy them now). When they all come home after picking up the eldest from schl (and middle one goes for 2 half hrs to church run playgroup) I can't think of anything to do but watch telly and cook tea, its awful. We sometimes go out or read books but I'm crap at thinking of creative things to do. What do you all do? I am a bit depressed I admit......lots of reasons, where do I start being a better mum? Feel quite low at moment about it all. Any ideas?
Sorry

hiya, I think maybe you were on the June04 thread with me?

You don't sound crappy at all. It's a lot of monotony looking after my 3, too. It makes me feel better if I know I've played with them, which can just be role play or dominoes or painting (depends what your 18m old is like!).

I try to make it a goal to play with the middle one when the youngest is asleep. Some one-to-one time, that makes me feel like a better parent. I read on MN that 20mins/day of playing with each child one-to-one was a good goal.

Also, involve them in whatever you're doing. I peeled & chopped potatoes, my youngest put them in the pot this morning. Later he "helped" me empty the washing machine.

I wander around town a lot, I must admit. And when I only had 2, the older one liked playgrounds so we would go for hours and hours (even in this weather!).

Could you get some part-time childcare?

One thing I'm going to start doing (again) soon, is helping out in my oldest child's Yr1 class. I only go in for 1.5 hours on a Tuesday afternoon, but I love it. Gives a good insight into his school life, how he's doing compared to others, and it's so demanding dealing with the kids that I completely forget all my other worries.

Oh, and after school, all my oldest kid wants to do is disorganised unstructured free play with his sister (or computer games). I think that's ok, too.

niceglasses, I have no advice really but I just wanted to say hi as I recognised your name (were you lazyeye at one time too?). I remember your dd being born (I was a newbie then).

Do you ever take them to the library? I used to take my dds (same age gap as your ds2 and dd) and we used to sit and read lots of books there. Just a change of venue (from home) is nice.

Do you take the two younger ones out for a walk if the weather permits? Even just down the road and back, doesn't even matter where. You can get them to shout out when they see a red door, a man on a bike, a bus etc...

I don't think there is anything wrong with just watching telly and cooking tea tbh. Your ds1 will be shattered and not want to do much once he gets home from school anyway, and from what you say you have been doing things with the other two during the day so it's not like that's all they've done all day.

And don't worry too much about being bored - it kinda goes with the territory at this age! My dds are 8 and 7 and I so remember it (but will be putting myself through it again as ds is 7 months!). It seems unending atm but it won't last that long, honest

Seems I did have some advice after all!

niceglasses maybe planning something for every day thats different albeit something small and might only take 15mins.
i print lots of stuff of cbeebies for my two to draw at, gives my head breathing space.
we usually bake/make everycouple of days.
i joined a gym with a creche.
go to garden centres just for a walk!

make a lunch date at home with some friend(s) when the youngest naps. or just for a chat.

sorry youre feeling down.
i think spring time better weather and kids outside playing wil change/lift oyur mood

It could be just the time of year too. With spring you will feel alive again and full of fun. Remember, you are a mom with all the responsiblities as well as the fun parts and not a full time playmate or activities director. Put some lego on the floor, have them go to it and sit on the couch with a good magazine and let them play and don't feel guilty. Kids actually need unstructured time on their own, it's called imagination and our generation is getting far too much structured activities. Kids know how to play with or without mommy supervising. Go easy on yourself.

thanks girls (think I double posted this thread so there is a double crappy parent alert I think). Your ideas are great - think the fact that I'm a bit low is given me a kind of inertia - can't tap into any creative kind of stuff at the mo, but am gonna try a couple fo the things you all said, just sorta need to find the old motivation......ho hum. What a whinger. Been thinking about maybe getting proper part time job but the thought of all the organization makes me want to go to bed.......

Part of the problem is my little girl who wont really settle with anyone except me so leaving her in creche etc is very difficult - she is a bit of a limpet. Thanks again girls & thanks to the pple who recognized my name ! Gosh what good memories - hope its all going well for you, feels like a while ago now.

niceglasses: it's so easy to get into a rut isn't it? I was thinking much the same thing this morning - we've had a good month now where one or other of us has been ill, or not had a good night's sleep or some other chaos, that I really don't think I've sat down and played for a long time. It's just that time of year, don't you think?

I love the idea of 20mins a day as a goal - that seems doable. I'm wondering whether to sit down when I'm feeling fairly upbeat and just making a huge list of ideas of things to do. Then on days I don't have the creativity, just run my eye down the list and pick one.

Things I know that have worked well in the past have been to set up dining room chairs in a line with loads of soft toys as a bus, or drape a double bed sheet over the dining table to make a "den". Then I can sit on the sofa and read a mag or a book for half an hour while the kids get something exciting and new to do too :) Bonus!

I know where you're coming from. I find that I get out of the habit of doing fun stuff, and then the thought of it is far worse than the actual doing of it.

I am somebody who relaxes and re-energises with others, so for me it's important to meet up with people. Could you arrange the odd playdate with a mum from playgroup? Then the kids have a great time playing and you get a chat too.

Y'know how we often have these "15 minutes of housework" threads? (niceglasses, if you haven't seen them, we all agree to take 15 mins/30 mins/ hour/ whatever away from mumsnet, do a load of cleaning, then come back and list what we have done - great sense of achievement!) Could those who find it hard to get going have a "what are you planning to do today with your pre-schoolers?" type thread? Sign in with your thoughts and ideas, then come back later to report on how it went - pick up ideas from each other and motivate each other to get going. Just a thought

Hello niceglasses, you don't sound crap (if you were, you wouldn't be posting this thread...) and I know what you mean. I was paranoid that I wouldn't be able to do enough with my dds so I bought a load of activity books which come in dead handy for rainy days. Also CBeebies website has lots of arty/crafty type ideas. What's your area like for small children? Some local councils publish lists of places to go/things to do outdoors with children as well. Good luck and fwiw I don't remember doing much stunningly stimulating stuff with my mum when I was small, but I don't think I even noticed. Very small things (like going to pay the rent or to the fishmongers) were thrilling at that age.

I am sure you are not a crap mum. I am not a SAHM, but I do have children quite spread out in age (7,4 and 18 months) and our favourite activities to do together after work/school/nursery are: playing musical instruments with kitchen utensils, like GeorginaA we build a plane, bus or pirate ship (if you are lucky you can be a passenger on the bus and just read the paper and get served coffee), tea parties for all the dolls and teddies, play shop using all the food from fridge and cupboards, bake cakes,play hospital where the teddies are the patients (again if you are lucky you can be a very sickly patient who need to rest on the sofa and I have found that buying a big roll of paper (from IKEA), cover the floor with paper and let them paint paint paint.