My friend really means this about her family. I'm strangely shocked...

[TouTou]

Am I abnormal for feeling this way, but I was a little amazed when my new-ish friend has told me that she 'likes spending any spare moment at the weekend as a complete family'. And that she has never been away from her DCs (ages 5 and 7) for even a day.

I totally respect and admire my friends desire to spend every spare minute with her family, but I still find it...not strange...but self-flagellating at times. (her kids are like mine, nice, but bickery)

I mean - I love my family, but I crave time away by myself, or just my DH.

I finally saw IRL what you see on MN quite often, where there are camps of people who will happily go on holidays without the DCs and the other camp who think that is verging on abusive.
It's the first time I've met someone who feels this way. Which camp are you in?

TheWalkingDead, you sound like you have a fantastic set up!

TheArmadillo, I'd love that too, having PILs to have the kids. It does at least give you a bit of time together. And I'm not saying I'm judging my friend, I think I was more amazed to find someone IRL who always wants to be together as a family any spare moment of the weekend, because so far, all my friends are thrilled to have time to themselves/only with their DH. I've only ever seen families like theirs on MN!

And Edith - I see what you are saying, but the thread isn't meant to be mean spirited, it's was just to see what other people out there do. Genuinely, I am in awe of her that she wants always to be as a family, possibly because I crave time alone.

I've got a friend like that TouTou (and her 'children' are late teenagers now ); she would honestly rather spend time with them than anyone else. She didn't ever leave them for a night for years and years. They all still go on holiday together (the parents pay of course!). I do find it rather strange, I suggested she and I went away for a night somewhere and she thought it was a mad idea . I wonder what the DH thinks as he is clearly the 'lowest' in the pecking order.

Personally I love time on my own, I would very happily go away on my own or just stay at home when DH and DS go off somewhere, which they do from time to time. To be honest I really don't enjoy family holidays very much , it all seems to be about compromising and none of us get to do what we really want.

Tell your friend I still resent the times I wasn't allowed to do things as a child/teenager because we couldn't all do it together as a family and doing things together always outweighed doing things I wanted to do and no-one else did . Good to spend time with your kids but good for the adults - and the kids too! - to have other interests and not stifle each other.

Not in either camp here either.

I do like spending our weekends together and always have, but I survive if anyone else happens to be doing something away from me.

Don't really see time with the whole family as something that takes time away from me and dh. Perhaps it's a culture thing: I come from a culture that tends to take their children to everything and involve them in what the adults do. The only thing I do miss is that dh and I can no longer go hill-walking because of dd's disability.

I do go away for work and don't particularly miss the family, but I wouldn't want to holiday without dc while they are still children, because I enjoy sharing a holiday with them and seeing their take on things; it just gives more depth to the things I enjoy.

We're quite a bit different as we only have my stepsons on alternate weekends but I find the complete family thing a little odd as we sometimes split up the kids. This summer DH is booking a days holiday per child to do something special with him (eg. he's taking the eldest to London to visit the science museum) while I look after the other one. We feel a day with Daddy all to themselves which is perfectly tailored to their age (as opposed to slightly boring eldest and tiring out youngest) will be something they really enjoy.

We do a lot as the four of us and fair bit with all of us (ie. with DHs ex and her partner) but I think the sub-relationships are as key to the overall one.

I have a pal who has never been away from her child. Said child is now about to go to university and her Mum is talking about moving so she's near her.

Her life revolves around her daughter, and her daughter is stifled. Not healthy.

Almostfifty

Both here too, I wouldn't want to go on holiday without them, and it isn't likely to happen anyway but I enjoy the time I have on my own when they are at school and I'm not at work. I don't like spending the night away from them, or even not being there at bedtime (going straight out after work for example) but I do it because it's better for all of us to have some space/independence.

I like both. Time together. Time apart.

Before I had them I lived next door to a couple with two kids and they were always together. At weekedns they were all together, no one went off, no one else came round. They all seemed perfectly happy but it did give me the horrors. And what happens when the kids go and you've got no mates?

Also, I do think it's good for the kids to see adults having friends and lives, takes the pressure off them, and teaches them about relationships.

We're lucky as we have fab extended family all nearby, so DS has many cousins and babysitters. Grandad is his fave, in fact he cries for him when we go to bring him home!

I need my own space the same way I need oxygen. DP is the same. We carve up the weekend into family time, mummy time and daddy time. This works for us.

We do spend the odd night away, I do miss DS but in a nice way, I don't feel my arm is missing or anything.

To me, extended family is v important. My parents still live in the house I grew up in, and to see DS get excited about going there, and getting to feel 'at home's there is so lovely.

And yet another cousin is on the way...

I'm neither. I don't feel the same emotions 100% of the time, so my needs (family time/alone time/time with DH) change. Surely most people are like that? Sometimes we want to be together, sometimes we need time alone??? Does there have to be rules?

I think I'm a bit like this with my family. When we had children I found them all consuming and I loved being a family all the time. I think because I was adopted when I was 7, into a really unhappy dysfunctional family, they feel to me like the security a family brings as you grow up.....if that makes sense.

Dh and I were married for four years before dc and we have a strong loving relationship and I know that when the children go its just us. I want them to go when they are ready but come back at times and feel really part of a happy family.
Dh has a great family and had a happy childhood and he gets on really well with his siblings...i want that for us and our children.
When we are together it is good happy times and the 3 dc get on really well together, no one knows what's in the future but I feel that I want to imprint on them the security of happy times together so that they grow into confident adults and replicate something similar in their own lives....

I guess what I'd miss would not so much being time alone (given how much time out of the week they're at school) but time doing stuff with just me & dd. I really like the dynamic of being just the two of us when DH is off doing something else. DD & I went on holiday together minus DH at easter, and it felt like a really special time.

(But then I work with DH so spend lots and lots of time with him during the week!)