Tell me some good stuff about having a toddler and a newborn (please...).

[luckysocks]

DS is nearly 3, DD is 5 weeks.

I am going a little mad.

Just returned from visiting PILs. I am hot and flustered (and smelly ) and starting to wonder what I've done.

Physically, there's been no time to recover from what was a difficult birth, or even to process it really, and I'm on my third UTI with a really nasty stomach virus over the weekend just to break it up a little. I'm exhausted and generally wrecked.

I'm grieving the relationship I had with pfb DS and he's really starting to play up, particularly when in company (such as lovely but slightly judgy PILs) or when I'm feeding DD. He's also become incredibly clingy this week and my evenings tend to be torn between DDs need to cluster feed until 11pm and DS standing at his door crying 'mummy mummy mummy snnuuuuuggggle' which breaks my heart.

Despite wishing it didn't, breastfeeding stresses me at the best of times. I don't find it easy and I find it embarrassing having to get my boobs out whenever I need to feed my baby, regardless of where I happen to be. So this is exacerbated by DS going slightly loopy every time she's feeding.

I read two shoes...no hairbrush and it made me feel less alone, but didn't do anything to make me feel any more upbeat!

There have been a couple of threads on this subject recently so at least I know it's not just me. But I'm sinking and I need some positives to keep me going, can anyone help?! I hope they'll get on and that will be lovely but... that seems like light years away.

I remember starting a thread in May last year on this very topic. DiddyCakes was about 3 weeks old, DiddyDragon was 2.8. It was beyond difficult & I was terrified I'd made a hideous and unchangeable mistake. I got to the point that I called the behaviour HV to come & help me deal with DiddyDragon's tantrums.

The good news is that it got a lot better.

Now they're really funny together. As someone upthread said, DiddyCakes saves all his best smiles for his sister & they entertain each other. Everyone's settled into the new reality and it's a lot of fun.

Obviously there are still times when they drive me crazy, but the good days definitely outnumber the bad.

Hang on in there - you will get better at this, and so will they.

As others have said, it does get easier - becoming confident with the logistics of things is useful - before you go out, think about which is the best option; sling+ buggy, twin buggy, buggy + buggy board or whatever. Pack time- consuming snacks like raisins to keep toddler occupied and always, always have bubbles in your bag. The upsides, now my son is nearly 3 and daughter just 1: He holds her hands when she walks, he encourages her to climb up the stairs, he gives her her dummy, he wants to go in and see her in the mornings and say goodnight to her, he tells EVERYONE about her all the time!

5 weeks is probably the most intense time - your ds will have realised she's here to stay and she'll be feeding/needing snuggled etc. It will get easier, and soon!

My dd was 3 when my ds was born and went into meltdown for a few weeks - was so sad to see. I handled it by swamping her with love and attention whenever I could. I'd spent months trying to get her to go to sleep by herself only to abandon it once we'd brought the new baby home - I could see she needed me and I went back on all my plans and snuggled her to sleep every night (I am definitely not advising everyone to do this!!) while my DH did his best to keep tiny baby happy. I then moved to stroking her hair to go to sleep while the baby fed, etc.

Every time the baby sleeps, just grab your older dc for cuddles, stories, watch tv together, just be physical with him so he feels 'babied' a bit too - that really worked for me.

Don't feel despairing, you are in the hard stage and all the lovely bits are just coming. It's hard, but you'll definitely get there. Best of luck.

DS 22 months when DD was born. We had trauma and cries of 'Bayyyybeeee!' every time DS was cross, whether baby was involved or not - it was obviously on his mind.

I didn't record when, but I'd say you won't be far off your DS calling your DD by her name. A little step and pleasing. The cries of 'Baby' stopped after a while.

Some genius on MN told me to bath them together - did so from about 8 weeks old; washed her quickly and then took out to dress for bed in the bathroom, while DS played. She is now 8 months so she has a bit more splash/play time, and although he's still not perfectly happy with a shared bath he's getting better.

She smiles whenever DS comes into the room and obviously loves him except when he bit her finger the other day. He says 'Oh - hello Mummy, hello [DD]' when he gets up in the morning and gives her a little kiss and cuddle.

He will laugh and join in when she plays peepo. The other day I left playgroup to nip home for milk that I'd forgotten - DS got seperation anxiety and spent the whole time cuddled up next to DD [I feel bad emoticon].

When they are older I hear we will reap the rewards because they will play together and give us a bit of time for housework or whatever. Of course that means they could plot and misbehave together... but never mind.

Woolly sorry to hear about your FIL :(

This thread has been SO helpful in making me feel a bit more sane and therefore able to cope! Last Thursday I was wondering what sort of terrible mistake we'd made, which I could never have admitted to anyone in RL. I had no idea beforehand that so many people feel similar at this stage.

Tracey "baby bootcamp" has stuck in my head - you're just in baby bootcamp has been my motto over the weekend (usually chanted in rhythm while pacing the floor) for some reason! Love it.

It's also been massively reassuring to know that my DS is not the only one who's gone a little bonkers - I felt I'd 'broken' my baby boy.

The two days I've had by myself with my babies since I posted have actually been quite civilised (speaking relatively!!) and it's true that we're starting to find our own little routine in our new reality. Sleep has been better as well which makes a massive difference. And on Sunday we had a massive family cleaning day (!) as the house was a wreck, and I always find that being able to see the floor goes a long way towards making me feel more in control too.