crisis of faith

[bebemoojem]

I have 3yo and 11m dds. Today has been rough because I had so little sleep (abt 4 hours btwn 12 and 1 and then between 5and 8) because the girls tag teamed me all night. It's only the 2nd night of it but the weekend was to packed with activities and restless kids even with Dh home that I didn't get much sleep and the previous week had been the same with weird waking hours and very little quality sleep. Dh is away working his typical M-F in another city as he was last week and as he will be for the foreseeable future. So it's me in charge and me struggling with little sleep and crazy kids.
Today I was shouty. I get that way on little sleep. I shout and then cry because I've shouted and get angry and frustrated and have needed to walk away more often then I've been able to keep my cool.
DD1 told me as I struggled and shouted with the 11m wriggling all over the place in her poo explosion to stop being mean. Which made me burst into tears because I knew I was being over the top and couldn't help myself from shouting because I was so frustrated with the squirming baby and the mess.
And then when I was having some wrestling fun with dd1 later I noticed a mark on a tooth...I was seeing in her mouth at an angle that I hadn't seen before. So I made her stop and I had a better look. She got cavities. One tooth has even broken and has a gaping hole! How could I have missed that brushing her teeth?! And yet I have. And there looks to be another cavity on another of her teeth.

I feel so utterly useless. Not only am I rubbish at this day to day keeping cool and thus hurting them emotionally, but in the long term I'm also causing them harm by not taking care of them properly physically.

Have a look at this thread and you'll realise you're not such a bad mum after all.

Sleep deprivation is a form or torture and a very effective one at that. Do you get the chance to catch up during the day when the baby naps? If you do take it and don't even think about housework etc.

Most of us would have been snappy with a combination of tiredness and a poo covered baby to deal with. The important thing is that you care when your DD reminds you about it. Just explain to her that you are very tired and that is making you grumpy. She is old enough to understand that her actions have consequences and this might help her to cooperate better at night.

I hope tonight is easier for you.

Sounds to me like you're doing pretty well, especially in light of the lack of sleep and the fact that you're on your own with two very young DCs.

Losing your temper over a poo explosion is understandable (I do, all the time, and I only have one 7mo DS) - the point is, you were sorry afterwards. You found time to give your older DD attention and play with her, and you spotted the tooth problem - maybe not immediately, but you didn't miss it! You don't get your head right up in there when brushing her teeth, so I can see how a thing like that could easily be missed.

Seriously, have some and , and I hope you sleep better tonight. Things will look brighter on the other side of a decent night, and maybe a bit of sodding sunshine if that's not TOO much to ask.